the december blues

This week has been hellacious and a half. I forget that every year the weeks leading up to Christmas are miserable. And I don't like it. It's the reminder every year that working adults don't have Christmas break. I know, how many more years can I continue to whine about this? And when you have to bake and shop and decorate while holding down a job and keeping up with other responsibilities, all things Christmas start to feel a little more chore-like. I think December should be a month-long Christmas party with no work. But instead, I'm chained to my desk every day with only a festive mug and a Christmas playlist to keep the jollies alive. And then throw in the baby stuff and the nursery furniture that needs to be bought along with the presents and the fact that I've been waking up at least 12 times a night for the last week and can't good a night's sleep to save my life. 

I know, I know. How dramatic can I be? 

So much more dramatic, trust me.

But listen, it's ok. I'm coming around! This is the first year post-college that I have Christmas Eve AND the day after Christmas off work. You have no idea how excited I am about this. It's 5 day weekend! Not a 3 week long Christmas break, but by golly, I will take it and I will rock myself around the Christmas tree! And this weekend I'll wrap presents (which actually is nothing to celebrate if you knew how bad my wrapping is), and next week is baking, and a week from now my red plaid pajama pants and I will be watching Christmas movies in front of my parent's wood burning fire. And next year I'll have a 9 month old (hold me), and I imagine I'll be feeling much different about things. Plus, today I saw roughly 2 snowflakes and I just made some hella good sugar free hot chocolate. 

There is hope for me yet. 

Plus, being an adult means starting your own traditions. Like looking at this post of my last job's Christmas decorations two years ago. I'll never get over that upside down tree. Ever. Or the Christmas lights in the bathroom stalls. And! There's my annual Christmas Eve shirt that I bought a few years ago to make working on Christmas Eve a little less miserable. And the baking! I will forever make the fugliest sugar cookies, but they are delicious in ways you can't imagine. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go hunt down my flannel shirt and listen to that song up there on repeat all day while searching for cookie recipes instead of working. You should do the same.



I've seen this on no less than 10 blogs recently (and by ten I mean two), so here I am contributing my two cents! Basically what I'm trying to do is forget I'm with child and responsibilities and trying to pretend like I'm doing a myspace survey in 2002 while waiting for the boy from English to get on AIM so I can sign on and off several times in a row to get his attention and/or post a pointed away message. You feel me. I know you do.

4 names people like to call you other than your real name:
1. Shell
2. Bellamy
3. Melissa (if you can't remember my name, there's a 99% chance you'll call me Melissa)
4. Michael (if you're my high school band director, you'll forever read Michelle as Michael)

4 jobs you've had:
1. Bakery/Barista person at Panera--a very mean former teacher came in one day and I sneezed on his bread when he wasn't looking.
2. News Writer for my college newspaper--the editor made me cry at least 3 times a week.
3. Receptionist at a rheumatology clinic--lots of grumpy senior citizens with arthritis. One lady left us an angry voicemail telling us to suck her big toe. My coworker's boyfriend was a local radio DJ and would give us shout outs every morning and play us Frank Sinatra.
4. Legal Assistant/Paralegal--I play pranks on my coworkers. I am that person.

4 movies you've seen more than once:
1. Anchorman--"I'm going to take your mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!"
2. White Christmas--"How can a guy that ugly have the nerve to have sisters?"
3. The Holiday--"I like corny. I'm looking for corny in my life."
4. Napoleon Dynamite--"Are you drinking 1% because you think you're fat? You could be drinking whole if you wanted to."

4 books you'd recommend:
1. The Hiding Place--so many tears for so many reasons
2. Quiet--introvert power!
3. 1984--creepy and wonderful
4. Bitter is the New Black--a little salty, but I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe

4 places you've lived:
1. California
2. Nevada
3. North Carolina
4. Ohio

4 places you've visited:
1. Charleston, SC--while living in NC, a friend and I drove 3 hours to Charleston on a whim for dinner. I need to go back.
2. Scotland--I accidentally found myself on the set of a BBC movie in the middle of Edinburgh.
3. Mexico--I ate beef tongue on a dare.
4. Jamaica--We were stranded when the airport workers went on strike for several days.

4 places you'd rather be right now:
1. A cozy cabin on a snowy mountain.
2. In my bed. Oh wait! I am. Finally.
3. Somewhere with blog friends.
4. Sitting by the tree and the fire in my parent's living room.

4 things you don't eat:
1. Olives
2. Coconut
3. Coleslaw
4. Almonds

And I think my morning sickness just came back after writing those.

4 of your favorite foods:
1. Pizza
2. Chili and cornbread
3. Fruit
4. Hummus

4 TV shows you watch:
1. Parenthood--and now I'm scared to be a parent
2. New Girl--don't get me started on my undying love for Jess' wardrobe. And also Schmidt ("youths!"). And also Nick. I'll just be over here giggling to myself for the next hour.
3. The Mindy Project--I had no idea Mindy was this funny. Also, Chris Messina. Bye.
4. Downton Abbey--if I can continue to withstand the emotional abuse

4 things you're always saying:
1. "James, where did you put the Apple TV remote?" --every night
2. "Your mom!"--much more frequently that I should admit.
3. "Hold on, I have to pee."--every 5 minutes
4. "I'm exhausted. I stayed up too late reading again."--every single morning at work.


merry christmas, sh*tter's full

(sorry about the title, mom)

Listen. I'm having a case of the Mondays. Just let me get this off my chest, will you?

There's this really awful newish person at work I've had the displeasure of training. She's rude and condescending and won't listen to me because she assumes she knows better, which means my days have been full of damage control and reminding her again of why she can't do what she did, and then she does it again.  She's one of the only people I've ever met that makes it physically painful for me to be civil with. She's the new PFF, except instead of a passion for fashion, she has a passion for interjecting into everyone's conversations with her unsolicited opinions. But let's not keep talking about this because my blood pressure is rising by the second.

Then there's the girl two feet away from me who has been scream-coughing for 3 weeks. Three weeks. And she refuses to take medicine or go to the doctor. She won't even use a cough drop. I have chest cold germs all over me regardless of the fact that I've said "please stop coughing on the pregnant girl" 45 times an hour, and my ears are still ringing from the sound of her coughs which sound like a dying animal. She coughs as loud as humanly possible and if I have to listen to it for one more day I will start to cry. If you won't do anything to make yourself and those around you less miserable, then I have no sympathy.

I got a changing table tonight from Craigslist that matches the crib. I felt like an idiot when I picked it up because I realized I didn't know how to put the seats down in my car, and she had to figure it out for me. I felt just as idiotic the time my mom had to explain the baby bathtub to me, which may or may not have been yesterday afternoon. It was confusing, ok? Except when she explained it to me I started to question my intelligence and wonder how I will keep a tiny human alive when I can't figure out a bleeping plastic bathtub. But back to the changing table. I got so embarrassed I started sweating through my clothes and rambling and I'm just really glad I never have to see her again. The changing table also has questionable stains because, hello, it's a changing table, and I will need to repaint it. Which means James needs to repaint it. And even though that doesn't involve me in the slightest, I feel exhausted just thinking about it.

Craigslist is not for the faint of heart and I hate it. I had an appointment to pick up a dresser for the nursery tomorrow night, but the jerk decided to sell it tonight instead and I would like to hunt him down and speak to him about manners. And let's not talk about the bidding wars and the people who don't respond and the people who do respond but then suddenly disappear and the fact that you realize some things won't fit in your car and also you're 6.5 months pregnant and can't help carry heavy things and your hormones turn this into something worthy of having meltdowns over. I'm not emotionally stable enough for this. Let's not talk about this anymore. I'm stressed out.

I came home in a royal mood and decided to make some hot chocolate and rewatch Sherlock to feel better. I went upstairs to find that the maintenance man did not fix our shower like he said he did.  The volume buttons on my phone stopped working, along with the power button. I also discovered that I left my closet light on all day. I went to turn it off, got distracted by the baby dancing on my bladder, and forgot to turn it off for another 3 hours. After I sat down on the couch with my goods, I realized my shirt was on all wrong and that simple realization made me teary-eyed. Then the smoke detector started chirping and James said he couldn't hear a thing. I'm starting to lose my sanity and he is completely oblivious to the very loud chirping and HOW DOES SOMEONE NOT HEAR THAT. IT IS VERY LOUD.

I looked through blog posts looking for some kind of blogging inspiration. Oh, what is this? Baby necessities? I'm about to have a baby, so lemme look. A $100 baby carrier? A $50 designer blanket for my baby to spit up on? Maybe your smoke detector is going off too, because you are out of your mind.

It's 10:00 and I meant to be in bed an hour ago with my book. AS IF I can sleep with the smoke detector chirping in caps lock. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Bad days should be outlawed in December, right? It's Christmas time! I shouldn't want to pull my hair out.


fifteen things

blocking out the haterz with my Christmas music-filled earbuds. I don't usually look this annoyed.
Wait, yes I do.

There's this thing going around instagram where people tag each other to share 15 things about themselves. I weirdly love these sorts of things because I'm nosey and also because HELLO! Talking about myself! Just kidding, the latter actually makes me sweat. Anyway, I've decided to tag myself. That's right, I'm tagging myself. And I'm putting it on my blog instead, due to my hatred of blog-like instagrams. And without further ado....

1. My dream would be to live in a house that looks exactly like it came out of the 40s or 50s. The style, the decor, everything. I'm slowly acquiring more secondhand and vintage treasures to make this happen. 

2. I'm planning to homeschool my kids someday. Go ahead: cringe, gasp, cry, do your thing. Public school was good for me, but for some reason I've felt very strongly about homeschooling my own kids for years. 

3. My all time favorite movie in the entire world is White Christmas. Singing in the Rain is right behind it. 

4. I've semi-hated the color pink for years, but I've found myself starting to really like it lately. Maybe it's the baby girl taking up residence in my womb, but it's starting to freak me out. Something about having a little girl is softening me up. I've bought bows and ruffle socks, people. This ain't me. 

5. I have secretly always wanted to be a redhead. In the right lighting, I'm close. EXCEPT FOR THE GREY HAIRS. 

6. My dream college degree would be something ludicrous like a double major in History and English with minors in French, Spanish, and German. I'm a freak, ok? Also, let's talk about the realities of taking multiple languages at a time. I took 4 French classes one semester (it was my minor, it wasn't because I'm crazy, though I am), and one Spanish class. I went to one of my French classes after my Spanish class, and when my professor asked me a question, I answered completely in Spanish. He asked again in French. I answered again in Spanish. Completely unaware I hadn't switched languages yet. Let's also not talk about the time I stopped into a French bakery in San Diego after a week in Mexico. The same thing happened. 

7. I'm intimidated by sushi. I love it, but I never know what to order. There was a sushi place in college that had the most killer crispy spicy salmon rolls which was the only thing I would order, and I fear nothing else will ever compare.

8. The only reason I would want to move is so I can have my piano with me. I don't think I will ever fully feel like myself until I can play some Beethoven whenever the mood strikes. And when I say Beethoven, I mean 67% of the time I'll play the theme song from The Office.

9. I've been off Facebook for over 2 1/2 years, and I will never go back. One of these days all my social media accounts will follow suit. Maybe. If you don't have a social media account in today's society, does that mean you cease to exist as a person?

10. Constant Comment tea by Bigelow is my favorite tea. It tastes like cloves and orange rinds. My mom used to make it for me when I was sick, and I've been drinking it a lot throughout this pregnancy. When I told my mom it's one of the only things tasting good to me, she said she used to drink it all the time when she was pregnant with me. I love that.

11. I'm terrified of tornadoes. I have reoccurring nightmares of them, and I'm a wreck in the summer when the tornado sirens go off.

12. I really want to dye the tips of my hair some outrageous color like blue or purple.

13. I've always had strangely vivid and weird dreams, but pregnancy has made them so much freakier. I need to start writing them down, because I've already forgotten some crazy ones. When I first got pregnant, I dreamed my dad told me to move back to California because he got me a job as a cemetery photographer, and I cried because it doesn't snow in that part of California. In one dream, I quit my job to work at PF Changs. I've had countless dreams about giving birth to cats. But last night was awful. I had the same nightmare three times last night that I worked at a school, and someone kept leaving pipe bombs inside that were killing people. The guy making the bombs cornered me in a Barnes and Noble and told me if I don't keep his secret and start shopping exclusively at Borders Books (do those even exist anymore?!), he would kill my whole family. Then he blew up my mom's car for dramatic effect. So if you're wondering why I've been tired lately, it's because I keep waking up in a panic.

14. I used to be a full-fledged beach person, and while I still am to an extent, I would much rather have a cabin in the mountains for the rest of my life.

15. I bought a mom bra a few weeks ago. I had to. It's huge and could hold several watermelons, because the things pregnancy does to your body are unspeakable. Anyway, this bra is a gift from heaven it's so comfortable, except it squeaks. Like a dog toy. All day long. It did not do this in the dressing room! I am slowly losing my sanity and I'm expecting a pack of chihuahuas to start following me around any day now. That's all.



things I love

+ Old Navy pajama pants. The fleece and the flannel. But right now, the fleece, which feel like blankets wrapped around my legs. They have bewitched me, body and soul.
+ Hot chocolate with whipped cream. And marshmallows. And cinnamon. And maybe some crushed peppermint on top. And, ok, like some sprinkles or whatever. 
+ Drinking said hot chocolate while laying in bed with flannel sheets of the Christmas persuasion.
+ Pine scented everything.
+ Wood burning fires.
+ Hymns.
+ Yarn.
+ Spying on the company across the street from work. I can see directly into their board room (more like a BORED room, am I right?!)(bye). There's a guy with a ponytail who takes a smoke break every 10 minutes. I've named him Johnny. One time Johnny drank a beer at work. I can't say I blame him.
+ Anything plaid or fair isle. If your mother would wear it in the mountains, I want it. 
+ The Christmas tree. Bet you haven't heard that before.
+ Chili and cornbread. Especially when you make up your own chili recipe on the fly and it's better than any other recipe. 
+ Snow. I'm ignoring the fact that we don't have any. Ahem.
+ Clocking out. I ain't no hero. I'm not pretending I have a dream job.
+ Tracking online orders. The anticipation! The anxiety! The DRAMA! It's like practicing for my due date.
+ The thought of having an organized closet. Not actually doing it, but thinking about how nice it will be once it's done. You feel me?
+ Sipping tea at work in the morning while putting in my headphones and drowning out all the people. Tea is my constant companion since coffee betrayed me. Not bitter. Do I sound bitter? 
+ Scarves the size of a queen sized comforter. 
+ Cookie cutters. And mason jars. And putting cookie cutters in mason jars. I don't know. I have a thing for putting things in jars. 
+ New glasses. From the internets. And the fact that they're so cheap you can buy another pair of glasses just for fun. From the internets. 
+ The Santa Claus movies, except only the first one. Also anything with Tim Allen. 
+ The prices at Hobby Lobby. Yes, I WILL buy another cookie tin. Thank you. 
+ Fleece. I know I mentioned that already but this is important. I want to be swaddled in it like a newborn baby. 
+ The idea of baking cookies this weekend. Will I do it? Probably not. But I like the idea of doing it. As long as James does the dishes. What? Who said that?
+ Waking up in the middle of the night to find myself sharing my pillow with the cat. Maybe I don't love this, but it's kind of adorable for two seconds. 
+ Words with Friends. Because I'm still living in 2011.
+ Two days without nausea medicine sans puking. YOU HEARD ME. Livin' the dream over here. 

What is making you jolly these days? Let's talk about it and hug.