3.07.2012

The battle of exhaustion

This week has not been very kind to me. Today, especially. I came home from work yesterday, weak and weary from exhaustion. Exhaustion that I'm still trying to find the source of. Too many weeks full of too many nights staying up late, perhaps. Wherever it came from, this exhaustion caused me to sleep a full 13 hours on Friday night. And it could've been much more, had I not panicked and jumped out of bed when I saw it was already afternoon.

It's the kind of exhaustion that drains you from the inside of your bones all the way down to your toes. The kind that causes everything to either aggravate you or hurt your feelings. And  today is a battle, with exhaustion slowly wearing down my defenses. A battle to not lose my mind when the coworker I've done several projects for somehow loses everything I've done for her, for the second time. A battle to not let the persistant, nagging emails and phone calls get under my skin. A battle to not cry when the woman from accounting calls me ugly and and tells me to shut up "because it's funny, not because she means it" (I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't understand my coworkers. Not in the least.) It's a battle to not worry about my husband and his back that daily betrays him, leaving him in pain.

So I'm forming a new strategy as I type. Instead of letting these little annoyances build up to the point of a meltdown, I'm going to combat them with the little things that make me happy. Because if I don't do something soon, you'll find me half sobbing/half sleeping under my desk in about ten minutes.

On my lunch break, I'm going to retreat to my introverted ways and sit in my car with the window open and let the unseasonably warm March breeze and sunshine drift in. I desperately need an hour alone sans small talk.

I'll wear a little extra pink lipstick this afternoon, and maybe even paint my nails tonight.

I have a new novel eagerly waiting for me on my kindle. It's full of pirates and adventure and love, and I'm so excited to jump in. There is no feeling like a starting a new book. It's like a new relationship, full of excitement, adventure, and anticipation of what's to come.

I won't beat myself up if I don't make it to they gym tonight (and let's face it, at this rate I won't). I won't beat myself up if the laundry doesn't get finished and I forget to marinate the chicken again. I won't beat myself up if I reach for a cookie or a bowl of ice cream. It won't be the end of me. It doesn't mean my pants won't fit in the morning.

My only goals for the evening are to curl up in bed with my kindle and have the lights out early. Because sometimes, you just gotta give yourself a night off.

7 comments:

  1. Oh I know that exhaustion too well! A quiet and early night always sounds good to me. Hopefully tonight you can get some good rest & this weekend will come quickly and you can just relax! I love how you are choosing to focus on the positive though! Feel better! God bless!

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  2. Sometimes you just have to step back and reevaluate, honey! I'm so glad to read that you're changing things up and putting your sanity first. I've kind of felt like that about blogging, so I'm completely re-prioritizing my blogging wants. And you know what my first step was? STEP AWAY FROM THE LAPTOP. :-) Just take a break.

    And as for those co-workers, some people are not worth the fight or the energy to try to understand. I'm sure I would do exactly what you're doing (eating lunch in the car and enjoying alone time with the breeze)! Most importantly, you are awesome. Remember that.

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  3. I had the same kind of week last week. Its terrible! Hope your feeling better. Just skip the gym, eat a heaping bowl of icecream and start that book, everything good will follow (: if not, its almost the weekend!

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  4. Oh I'm so sorry! That co-worker sounds like a sad, sad person. No one deserves degrading comments!
    These are good goals to have and you are taking the high road by spinning things in a positive way! You need to take time for yourself and forget about all these things for an evening. Indulge and enjoy!!

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  5. Oh, honey, I'm sooo sorry you're having to deal with this stuff. I hate that feeling. It seriously equates to a brief episode of depression sometimes, and that's just scary more than anything else. I've had a few of those this semester where it's not any one thing but everything just piles up uncontrollably. I'm sorry. :( I'm glad you're devising a new strategy. If you ever need someone to tell you it's gonna be alright, just email me. I can most definitely do that. You're a wonderful girl who deserves happiness over exhaustion every day.

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  6. ugh some days are just bad days. your plan to deal with those days sounds marvelous, though. in fact, this post makes me want to go out and buy a kindle!!! stay strong <3

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  7. I had the same day yesterday too! So I blew off the gym & met my husband and friends for happy hour, followed by TV and just relaxing. I hope you get to rest this weekend & that things settle down for you! Best wishes :)

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