I would like to apply for the part of June Cleaver

 Maybe it was the cool, frosty Monday morning and an absurdly loud alarm that violently yanked me from my dreams of hiding in a storage unit from bad guys.

Maybe it's the day to day horror of pretending to care about anything under the soul-sucking fluorescent lights.

Maybe it's falling into a sort of belligerent trance to the sound of typing keys, only to be harshly brought back to reality by the beeping of a jammed copier 100 feet away.

Whatever the reason is, it's brought me to this conclusion: I want to be a housewife.

It's not like I wouldn't be working. I'd have a full time job cooking, cleaning, and lounging with Pinterest as my virtual assistant. My husband would be sent off to work with a kiss every morning and welcomed home each evening with a delicious meal and a semi clean house.

I would spend my mornings slowly waking up with several cups of coffee. The snow would be falling outside, and I would have a roaring fire in the fireplace, vanilla candles burning, a stack of blueberry pancakes on my lap, morning talk shows on tv, and the Pioneer Woman's chili in the crock pot.

I would spend several hours each morning at the gym to make sure my apron will continue to fit snuggly across my washboard abs. It won't matter that we won't have much money, because I will make everything from scratch, even our soap, so we can save up for our own chickens and a cow. Farm fresh eggs are all the rage, you know.

I won't be vacuumming the house in heels & pearls, but rather in colored skinny jeans, peep toe wedges, and a top knot. I mean, this is the 21st century after all. When I get pregnant, I'll be able to comfortably vomit from the coziness of my own bed instead of discretely dinosaur heaving in the office bathroom.

I know what you're thinking. But Michelle, this is 2012! You should have a fulfilling career outside the home!

And to that I say, what could be more fulfilling and satisfying than a plate of blueberry pancakes on your lap and morning tv while everyone else is at work?



  1. My thoughts exactly. I want to be a housewife too.

  2. I'm with you on this one...especially with the blueberry pancakes and Bravo on TV...

    You know how I prevent the florescent lights from sucking my soul? I don't turn them on. I work with a desk lamp, and that's it.

    We could be the Real Housewives of...?

  3. oooh, I want you to come be June Cleaver at my house and make me blueberry pancakes and make me soap (oh wait. I already have a husband who does that...)!! Please?! Free room and board.

  4. I'm with you except I'll wear shorts and tank, like always. Sans shoes and I'll say never-dang-mind to the gym.

  5. Ohhh I've never thought of being a housewife like this! It actually sounds prettttty nice!

  6. Your title has me laughing, because I immediately thought, "You can't APPLY for the part; you have to AUDITION." Blame it on theatre brain.

    I would love to be a housewife for, like, a month. ;)

  7. Exaaaaaactly! I want to be a 50's housewife :-)

  8. You've totally read my mind lately! I'm so ready to drop out of college and just prep for my future role as a housewife. Oh, how nice it would be :(

  9. yes and yes! i'm so there...like really, I think i'm almost there:) muah! love Katie

  10. Skinny jeans, wedges, & topknot <-- I love it. Just make sure you blog about it, k?

  11. I'm dreaming of the day when I can be a housewife, even for a little bit. Sadly, I will probably always have a higher earning potential than Ammon... so I most likely won't get to enjoy being June for long. But hopefully your housewife dreams can come true!

  12. I agree completely & have thankfully have had that for the past year with our little Hayden girl but have sadly returned back to part time work temporarily just to build back up our savings/vacation/mommy car funds but I'm excited for the new adventure


    colored jeans and top knot. You so 21st century.


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