11.30.2012

I blame the full moon

Yesterday was one giant embarrassing moment. I just could not get myself together. I blame the full moon, even though we all know I can be the most socially awkward and inept human being alive. Allow me to give you just a dose of what I endured yesterday.

We've had this big fiasco at work this week with a virus on our server, so IT has been running around a lot. There's a new IT guy, and he doesn't know where people sit yet. He's also really nice and one of the only people that doesn't make me want to break things. Anyway, every time he needs to know where someone sits, he asks me.

Here's the problem with that. Sometimes there are days I can't control my social awkwardness. Especially with people I don't know. And when you put me on the spot, even by asking a simple question, my brain forgets how to put words together. Actually, it forgets pretty much everything. So when Mr. Nice IT guy asks me where so-and-so sits? I get flustered and respond with "Um..wait...um...the left...behind...cubicle across...I think....wait...no......right hand side......forget it. Follow me and I'll show you." And he chuckles and gives me the "oh, bless your heart" pity laugh. This happened about 15 times yesterday. Seriously, I could not pull it together.

Later on, PFF asked me to print some things out for her. So I did. When I walked back to my desk, I dropped the stack of papers down real quick before sitting down. They happened to fall right on the phone, which knocked it out of its cradle, which hit my energy drink, which spilled all over my chair. It was actually kind of amazing.

After my lovely display of desk dominoes, I went downstairs. The file clerk handed me her little basket of paper clips. I set it down on the desk, and they spilled everywhere. Of course. I wasn't even surprised at this point. So I went back upstairs to my desk ........and sat down in my soaking wet chair I had completely forgotten about.

I went home, thinking I had left my embarrassment at work for the day. But then there was a knock on the door. I ran downstairs and flung the door open, thinking it was a delivery I had been waiting for. Not so much. It was a creepy guy trying to sell electricity or something. I told him no thanks, and went upstairs to put my gym clothes on. It was then that I realized my fly had been wide open the entire time.

My cheeks are permanently stained beet red after yesterday. But I woke this morning thankful for a fresh start and hoping sleep had been the restart my brain desperately needed. I walked out to my car and could barely get to the driver's side door, thanks to the car haphazardly parked next to mine. Because I'm an only child and a freak and I sometimes talk to myself, I muttered "Seriously?! WHO PARKS LIKE THIS?! Oh, and purple fuzzy dice? Really?" as I tried to squeeze my childbearing hips in the 2 inch car door opening. I looked up and noticed the owner of the horribly parked car and fuzzy dice was unlocking her car and probably heard the whole thing. So I'll be keeping my mouth shut from now on and learning sign language or something.

And because it's Friday, let's throw in some throwback embarrassment. Blogland, I would like to introduce you to the outfit I wore on my first day of 4th grade. I showed this picture to my mom recently, and she immediately apologized (between fits of laughter) for dressing me like the child of a polygamist.


The dress. The bangs. The boots. The yellow ribbon. And I wondered why the mom of one of my classmates told me I looked like Laura Ingalls Wilder.

25 comments:

  1. The office fiasco, the open fly, the yellow hair ribbon.... I only have one thing to say.

    You know what's coming.

    HAVE. MERCY.

    TGIF though!!!!! Have a great weekend :)

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  2. Bwaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha BEST SENTENCE EVER: I showed this picture to my mom recently, and she immediately apologized (between fits of laughter) for dressing me like the child of a polygamist.

    And this is why I'm in love with you.

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  3. I just spilled my Starbucks while reading this. The full moon wants me to commiserate with you.

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  4. Oh man. What a day, Michelle! We're so OCD in our office, we have diagrams of everything, including which desk/computer belongs to whom for our IT guy who only bothers to show up once every 2 or 3 months, even when a virus takes down a computer and leaves it down for a month.

    So even though I've worked there 2 years, the IT guy doesn't know my name. Nice.

    I just want to hug the 4th grade version of you and tell you not to drink any kool-aid that creepy older men offer you.

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  5. I wish I worked with you so I could give you massive hugs throughout the day...
    You always make my day with your posts and that picture of you is adorable (if not halarious)..
    Big love,
    xx

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  6. Holy crap I thought *I* had a bad day yesterday!! Haha...I am so sorry, sounds like yesterday is one of those days you just want to erase from history and pretend it never happened.

    I LOVE THAT PICTURE. Hahahaha...child of a polygamist...

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  7. On the bright side, tomorrow is not a work day.

    That's all I've got.

    I'm not laughing at you. I swear.

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  8. Oh my, what a terrrible, no good day. But hey, now it's Friday! <3

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  9. DAMN MY BROWSER. I can't see it! Remind me to look this weekend on a normal computer!

    We once got in a fight with a lady in a parking lot for talking shit about her parking job. More like her yelling to us, SORRY I'M NOT PERFECT LIKE YOU!

    Friday. Boom. I need a target trip.

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  10. oh hot damn, you were quite the fashion plate.

    Girl, I'm sorry your day was so awkwardly never-ending. You're the best, I love how real paint a life. Unlike most bloggers. I just do.

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    Replies
    1. Bit of info.. polygamists cannot expose their arms. I'm telling you, I know a ton.

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  11. Oh man....that's not a great day at all! I had to crack up at your "childbearing hips" line....Angel is always referring to my "childbearing hips"....why I don't know. Guys cannot be explained.

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  12. Oh my gosh. I was trying to imagine what the child of a polygymist would be wearing, then I scrolled down, and I was pretty close. Although, I had your hair in a braid with no ribbon. HA!

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  13. Polygamy crack? I kind of love you.

    And boy oh boy can I relate to those awkward days. You should hear me at work when people ask me how to get to the bathroom. "through the door way straight back and under the exit sign" ... that usually sends people to the side of the building and not the back. It makes sense to me, but apparently no one else.

    Also, I have totally been that person wishing I had kept my comments to myself a little MORE to myself... blush.

    At least it's Friday!! :)

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  14. Oh my. I have those days too. For one, I am convinced I'm the worlds biggest cultz. Every single thing I hold or touch just magically happens to fall out of my hands or fall over or something. I get food on myself constantly. I trip over my own feet at least 3 times I week. I fall UP the stairs (not down. although that happens sometimes too). I'm also beyond socially awkward. Being in large crowds makes me panic inside a little bit and I feel like every awkward silence is amplified times 10. Basically, its ridiculous. Sometimes it gets old, but then I think, "well, I wouldn't be me without all this stuff." and I try to embrace it!

    I'm going to steal your idea of blaming the fool moon, though. Genius!

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    Replies
    1. And by fool I obviously mean full. Socially awkward girl moment...

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  15. That is quite a day! Sitting in the wet chair might have made me cry after all of that.

    The throwback polygamist pic is fantatic! I still think you are Matilda.

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  16. Don't worry about the unzipped fly thing. I taught for an entire period one day without knowing I had failed to complete one of the most basic requirement of dressing oneself. During the second period of the day (still not knowing), not only did I have a class of 6th graders, but the principal popped in for a "walk through". He sat in the room for about 10 mins and left. It was only then that I had a moment to run to the bathroom and realize my shame. Luckily, I wear long shirts. Another time a student told me. That was weird. You think I'd learn my lesson.

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  17. ohhh man. i can't say anything else has been funnier than your post. all freaking day.
    golly.

    i used to wear dresses like that when i was younger.
    fortunate childhoods we had, huh? ;) :P

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  18. "I can be the most socially awkward and inept human being alive" this line made me chuckle. This post was wonderful - as is your blog :)

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  19. I hope your luck improved over the weekend! Sheesh! Let's hope you hit your awkward/bad luck quota for the month, yes?

    The photo proves to me that you're a) one of the Duggar children or b) one of the Sister Wives children.

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  20. holy crap, STOP making me laugh at work. that picture. seriously. THAT picture. i died a little when i read your comment on being the child of a polygamist. hahahahah. i love you for this picture.

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  21. oh my gosh, I'm crying from laughter right now. I'm just going to make it a habit of catching up on your blog on fridays... so don't be creeped out when I leave lots of comments every friday :/

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