ever wonder how people have fun in ohio?

There's a town about 45 minutes north of Columbus. It's the home of President Warren G. Harding, corn fields, and heroin addicts. It's the town I spent my teenage years in. The town I swore I would never go to again once I moved to North Carolina (my, my, how things change...). My parents still live there, and yesterday we went to visit them to celebrate my dad's birthday.

Whenever I visit my parents, I refuse to leave their house. You see, there is still a decent chunk of people I went to high school with who still live in town. So I hide in my parents house. I refuse to fall victim to the memories lurking at every corner.

However, since yesterday was my dad's birthday, hiding was not an option. We had to celebrate, and celebrate we did. M-town style. Allow me to take you on a tour of all my bad memories. Ready? Let's go.

Our first order of business was to go see Red Dawn. Which, by the way, was amazing. And now I need to see the original again. But anyway! We went to the teeny little theater in town. The theater in the mall. The mall that has only FOUR stores open for business right now. The theater where I went on many an awkward high school date. The theater where you buy your ticket at the concession stand. The theater that has only one employee. The theater that closed down years ago but has recently reopened. The theater that probably has diseases. The theater I haven't been to since Mean Girls was showing. The theater where memories of ugly ex boyfriends, bad outfit choices, and frosted eye shadow go to die.

I was antsy to leave after that. Antsy to get out of that mall. Antsy to get out of that town. Antsy because there were probably ants in the theater, and who knows what else.

Since it was only 3:30 when the movie ended and we decided my dad isn't quite senior citizen enough for dinner yet, we decided it was time for more Mtown fun. Starting with the Starbucks in Kroger. My mom and I had a hankering for an eggnog latte. Kroger is my least favorite place to go since half of the employees were in my graduating class. So I turned on my high school radar, took a deep breath, and beelined it to the Starbucks in hopes of being in and out faster than you can say peppermint mocha. Within 30 seconds, I saw the husband of one of my high school English teachers. I gave him an awkward smile, then gave the barista my order. As I looked up, my eyes connected with a boy I rode the bus with in middle and high school. We stared into each others souls for about 5 seconds before I turned away and hid behind my mommy, who conveniently shielded me from two more guys I graduated with. This is why I don't go to Kroger, people. 4 people in 3 minutes. The second the barista handed me my red cup, you better believe I sprinted out the door. Literally. I think I broke a sweat. There is no need for me to even worry about going to a high school reunion when I can just go to Kroger.

So after that excitement, my parents decided they needed some Christmas decorations. So where did we go? Rural King, of course! I mean, where else?

 If nothing else, it makes for great people watching. Here we have a girl in snowman pajamas (festive!) and Honey Boo Boo's mama. You're just not going to find these things at Target. You just won't.

If you ever happen to be in a Rural King, I recommend their Christmas decorations. To find the Christmas section, walk by the rack of pink camo purses, past the recliners sitting next to the toilet paper, and back past the $10 jeans. They have sparkly snowflake ornaments. Just like Target. And for $.50! I don't know about you, but I think I found a new favorite store.

So after the hour we spent in Rural King (yes, an hour. And we left with a raccoon trap and beer nuts. Long story), we decided it was time for dinner. The best Chinese food in town. The best Chinese food that kept me up with a stomach ache last night.

And that's how you do it in rural Ohio. It's fun, I'm telling you.

How was your weekend?


  1. My god, apart from spending the weekend with your family...it sounds like a nightmare..
    I get the same feelings going back to where I went to school...it is always a mash up of bumping into ex-bf's ot the old slags from school or the 'friends' I had in school who I can't stand anymore..
    Hope your Monday is going better :)


  2. So, you're from Marion? or Mansfield? :) I went to college in Mt Vernon, so those towns aren't too unfamiliar.

  3. I completely understand the hiding. Every time I visit my parents in Ohio I have to mentally prepare myself to go into town!

  4. You did not take a spy picture of people in public. You did not. Amazing.

    How am I to know when you are drinking starbucks if you do not instagram the cup?

    Our small theater smells like pee. The theater that I worked at (not the one that smells like pee) has been closed down for years. So many memories...

  5. Sounds like Sitka.

    OK, not completely. Sitka, minus the people I went to high school with. Thank God they can't find me here, heh.

    Rural King sounds a lot like Big Lots...do you have Big Lots? We had them in Oklahoma, and it's so true. My favorite was the aisle with shampoo, flavored olive oils, cookies, and socks.

    Not joking.

  6. Oh my gosh. Is it sad that I can relate to all you were talking about? bhahaha so funny!!

  7. Oh, my. You are quite the party animal at that Rural King, aren't you? ;)

  8. That Rural King place sounds interesting!

  9. See. I have the worlds worst name to face ratio. I cannot remember anyone I went to high school with.. it's like I was one of your heroin addict friends or something.. granted I wasn't.. so when i run into someone it doesn't matter because I have no idea who they are... "SHAY... we were engaged..." "hum, not ringing any bells.." Yep, just like that. just like that.

    Sorry about the stomach.

    Ants.. that was my favorite part. I laughed. so much.

  10. Whenever I see people I went to high school with we always just pretend like we don't know each other. That started within a few weeks of graduation. It's easier that way.

    This? This was exactly what my Monday afternoon needed.

    I also find it surprising that you'd know your English teacher's husband. Rural indeed.

  11. Apparently I am not a true Ohioan until I experience Rural King! Love your creeper pics of Honey Boo Boo's mama!

  12. I always feel awkward when I see people from high school. It's rare, and I too try to hide when I see them. I wish I had a Rural King to go to.

  13. Good old Marion! I went to college in Tiffin. I feel ya. Marion was a big town to people there.

  14. THIS IS MY ENTIRE LIFE. i was at walmart yesterday and saw 2 people I knew within SECOND of each other. this happens EVERY SINGLE DAY... i wish we could move haha

  15. Chinese food seems to love my toilet. Too much?

    I want to go to Rural King with you!!! Oh my word, that is the best people watching known to man.

    Our movie theater was exactly that way when I was growing up. Ammon wants to go, because they have super cheap movies twice a week. I should point blank tell him that the flashbacks are not worth it.

  16. oh my gosh, i seriously giggled out loud AT WORK through this whole post. and now i'm going to send this to one of my friends who is from ohio but now lives in california near me. i think she would love it. as do i. seriously, keep blogging just so i can keep giggle, mmmkay? thanks.

  17. Oh my. I would never have known that a store named 'Rural King' existed in this world. I live in a small town, but it's close enough to plenty of big towns that I don't have to pay much attention to it.

  18. Wait a minute, wait a minute...have I been out of the loop THAT LONG? Because that looks just like Honey Boo Boo's mother..IS IT HER?!

    I hate...HATTEEEE... going anywhere in town because I HATEEEE ...hate...seeing people from high school. I hide in my own house, like you hid in your parent's.

  19. There are certain bars in Omaha that I won't go to because every. single. time I see my entire graduating class. I just can't.


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