12.10.2012

I thought my job couldn't get any weirder, but then the Christmas decorations came out.

We all know I work at a very strange place. Very strange. There have been many times I simply lean back in my swivel chair and say, ok, I've officially seen it all.

And I thought I had. I've seen a woman come to a meeting wearing a shower cap. I've seen plastic silverware  taped to the dry erase board in the break room with a sign saying "free to a good home." I've listened to middle aged women admit to not knowing how to iron their clothes. I've listened to someone in upper management throw a temper tantrum when he found mouse traps in his office to get rid of the mice living in there, because he wanted them to live like Mickey and Minnie Mouse. I've seen and heard it all, people.

But then the Christmas decorations came out. I started working here last December and even put up one of the Christmas trees. But things are just a little bit different this year. Lucky for you, my phone and I took a little tour Friday afternoon. 

Our tour  starts off in the upstairs mail room. Everything's pretty normal here. Not much to see. Lights & cards.





In the corner of the room, we have two little Christmas trees. A little unnecessary, but whatever. 



When you walk out of the mail room, there's a wall covered in a vinyl fireplace scene. Super classy, right? I thought so too. 


And then comes the bathroom. Yes, the bathroom. I mentioned last week that I was slightly startled to notice twinkle lights above the stalls. During toilet time, this is what you see. 



Don't worry. The whole bathroom is covered in lights. 

There was a person using the stall next to me as I took this picture. I kept giggling. 
And now. For the grand finale. The big bang. The crown jewels. The piece de resistance, if you will. 

The Christmas trees. 
Brought to you by none other than PFF. 

First, we have the tree that sits across from my desk. You'll notice there are no lights and hardly any ornaments on the last quarter of the tree. 




If you think that's bad, just wait.

On Friday morning, we had a staff meeting downstairs, where this little gem greeted us. It was the first time I had seen it, and let's just say, it was the highlight of my entire year.





Yes. PFF is responsible for this little beauty. Clearly, she put the wide, bottom branches in the middle, and the middle branches on the bottom. I know this, because I put this tree together last year. And it looked nothing like this. She still has no clue she put it together wrong. She kept saying "it just looks like it's missing something..." 



This is all the Christmas present I need this year.



27 comments:

  1. You really weren't lying about these decorations. I thought maybe they weren't as bad as you said. I stand corrected.

    The lights in the bathroom are still getting me. You should ask one of the men in the office if she hit their bathroom too. I really want to know what her limits are.

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  2. Oh lord. Thankfully Cray is a Jehovah's Witness and doesn't to Christmas. Did I just say thankfully? I guess you have to look for the positive in some situations. The vinyl fireplace is my favorite.

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  3. oh lord, that's awesome. so bad. so, so, so bad.

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  4. Oh my. What industry did you say your work is? Too wierd!

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  5. "It just looks like it's missing something" - I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE HER. She's missing a few brain cells, that's for sure.

    I want to know who put the lights in the bathroom. I kinda want to give that person a high five. It looks very frat boy/party house for a work bathroom. And that's uh-mazing.

    There aren't any Christmas lights in my office, but now I think I need to put some up.

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  6. Personally, I think the vinyl fireplace is the worst part, but taken all together....it's hilarious! I actually kind of like the lights in the bathroom though, weird as they are...

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  7. Oh my god.
    PFF is clearly the most fucking idiotic person I have ever heard of.
    All I want to do is hug you and rescue you.

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  8. hahaha! i love the tiny deformed tree, how hysterical. i would love to know what the thought process for the bathroom was.... 'oh we have all these extra lights, is there anywhere that needs to be jazzed up a bit?"

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  9. This makes me want to stay late at work tonight and decorate my office!! But who am I kidding... I will be flying out of here as if I was on fire exactly at 5pm. I canNOT believe that PFF screwed up that tree so badly. That is absolutely HYSTERICAL!!! My favorite is the plastic faux-fireplace. Classiest.

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  10. Bahahahah...that fireplace. I need one.

    So I take it nobody has told PFF yet that the tree sections are backward??? I love it. I hope it stays that way the rest of the year.

    The lights in the bathroom are seriously creepy. They could have at least hung them properly instead of just randomly tacked to the ceiling...or are they taped? Haha!

    Rule of thumb with Christmas decor (at least for businesses): Just because you HAVE multiple boxes of Christmas decorations doesn't mean you should USE all the boxes.

    The end.

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  11. Hahahahhaah. So many things make me giggle this morning. Vinyl fireplace = hilariously awful. Lights in the bathroom are slightly disturbing, but also hilarious. And I'm seriously DYING that she put the tree together wrong, I hope no one corrects her, lololol!!!!

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  12. ahaha, oh man. that fireplace is out of control! stop the madness! and that poor woman trying to put the tree together! wow!

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  13. that last christmas tree did it in for me. PFF put the widest branches in the middle? wowza. that takes talent. ;)

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  14. She didn't realize that she put it together incorrectly? Really? Oh, boy. :/

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  15. Where do you work? This is blog heaven :P

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  16. #1 I'm going to go decorate my office bathroom right now. Right after I put instructions on how to properly flush a toliet instead of leaving your pee in it.

    #2 That tree is my new favorite thing. Have you named it?

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  17. Oh wow, is she serious? Has she ever seen a Christmas tree before?

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  18. That tree is too much! Poor PFF. And that fireplace scene? I need to get me one of those for our bedroom!

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  19. At least your office decorated?

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  20. Ha Ha- I'm not even sure what to say!

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  21. Vinyl fireplaces are practicality at its finest! How else is Santa going to know to come into the office on Christmas day unless he has a guide. "Open temporary fireplace here."

    I have to ask, how big is your office that there is so much Christmas spirit going on? What's the Christmas tree to employee ratio?

    Those last two trees are hilarious. Is PFF a midget? Or... an elf? Is that why the top of the tree is awkwardly naked?

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  22. hahaha! This is fantastic! That last tree along with your writing just gave me the biggest laugh!!!

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  23. omg. the squatty christmas tree. Best thing ever. :) And where can I get a fireplace for my own house? My house is missing a little, how do you say it... warmth. :)

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  24. Okay.
    I take back my statement about the bathroom mirror. It's horrible.

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  25. My favorite part is definitely the plastic fire place. Wait no, obviously the bathroom lights. I can't decide. I don't think I'd be able to concentrate there haha

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  26. O_o I am unable to contain my amusement.

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