2.18.2013

girl talk

Today we're going to talk about woman things. Some people say this has no business being on blog land. I say that I live with a man who does not understand, and I need some women folk to discuss these things with.

Basically all men.

So yes. Today we're going to talk about our periods. Or as Alissa dubbed it, the kraken. 



But what we're really going to talk about? The buying of the feminine products. It's a big mystery to me, the public shame attached to buying our lady diapers. Every woman needs these things. Every darn one. Yet, I still shake with terror and embarrassment when I slip down the aisle of unmentionables, grab a box, hide it under whatever else is in my cart, and tip toe into another aisle. 

James and I went to Target last night, and let's just say I was fresh out of some items. I made sure he was busy elsewhere, then I grabbed the cart and pushed it to the Depends/Kotex aisle. I stopped the cart  right next to the pharmacy, took several deep breaths, gave myself a pep talk, and entered the land of blood and shame.

I don't know why I get so embarrased. I have no idea. But the second my eyes scan the shelf for what I'm looking for, my palms sweat, my heart races, and it feels like a spotlight is shining down upon me and everyone's staring at me and my crampy, bloated, greasy food craving, pms-zit face.




Once I grab what I need, I stealthily hide it under or behind something else in my basket or cart, so no one's the wiser. And then the checkout. That's the worst part of all. I slowly walk up to the cash registers and look for a woman. Any woman. Just please, a woman. I can't have a guy ring me up or I will die. Middle aged women are the best. They're nicer and they just seem to understand. I throw the goods up on the belt and tower my other purchases (usually acne medicine and some sort of chocolate and maybe some shoes) behind it, so the person behind me can't tell what I'm buying even though it's still blatantly obvious. And then I avert my eyes. I stare at the ceiling, at the wailing kid in checkout line 5, anywhere but in front of me, all the while my face is beet red and I'm sweating in weird places. Thankfully, woman cashiers seem to understand and throw it in a bag first thing.

And then I walk out of the store triumphantly, knowing I don't have to deal with the agony for another few months.

Is this just me? I have friends who think I'm straight up crazy for being embarrassed, and I also have friends who are just as humiliated as I am. Maybe it's my shy nature, maybe I just have issues. Probably both. But I think that frenzied trip to the store might be worse than my actual period. 

28 comments:

  1. I used to be this exact same way.I hated going down that isle, and would hide my product as well as I possibly could. Now, I'm like "screw it - it's not MY damn fault!!!" I grab it (sometimes ONLY that) and head with product in HAND to the check out. I still dislike getting a male cashier at these moments, but if he's old enough to work, he's old enough to deal with "the kraken".

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  2. oh dear! How do you buy condoms? Or is that in boy's department.

    I used to be very awkward when buying my female products. Now its not such a big deal. I use them. they are necessary. husband understands. its just one of those things. if anyone was to look at me weird or anything, I would meet their eyes and if anyone dared say anything or laugh at me, I would simply explain why I needed them (that is sure to shut them up, lol)

    Having a period is nothing to be ashamed of. Sure, its not the most wonderful thing in the world, but sometimes I am kinda happy when I get it, because it means I'm not pregnant. Also it means I'm a women, and I kinda like being one. But I know it can be really awkward, and your story made me giggle :) Best of luck next month!

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  3. i kind of think it's hysterical to have a young guy cashier ring you up...i think THEY get more embarassed than anything! which is pretty amusing! :)

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  4. I always avoid male cashiers, of any age, when shopping for those TYPES of products. I know it's nothing to be ashamed of and all women do it, but whatever. It's still flippin' weird.

    Look at this website: http://www.leparcel.com/

    For a monthly subscription, it sends you a month's worth of LADY PRODUCTS (+ CHOCOLATE!!!) right to your door in a discrete box! I am really considering it #introvertprobzzzz :)

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  5. I am not quite that nervous, but I always try to buy my stuff when I refill my birth control. In that instance, I'm very stealthy. It's like an unwritten code - they are already fully aware I am in need of these supplies and therefore cannot shame me for it.

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  6. I can be pretty awkward about lady problems in general (mostly with the guys in my family) and I feel like even owning those "diapers" can be awkward too. Especially growing up with two older brothers where your mom would talk about your own period in front of all the guys in the house. Yeah, it was just great, as you can imagine...

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  7. I'm actually pretty confident in that area... it's buying underwear when a guy checks me out that sort of embarrasses me.

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  8. There was once a shortage on my brand of lady products. Something to do with production or something. There was even talk that they would be discontinued. I cleared out the shelf at Target and had to find a cashier to ring up my haul. (I seriously went to 3 or 4 stores that day to find one box.) That was the only time I actively avoided a male cashier and found a woman.

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  9. I am exactly the same way! And even worse than that for me, was buying pregnancy tests. (And I bought a lot of them in the past couple of years! Haha). I was always afraid the cashier was judging me since I look like I'm 16, and I would always try to flash my wedding ring. I don't know why it's so awkward to buy these things, but it is!

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  10. Girl, you need this, and now. http://hellogiggles.com/item-of-the-day-le-parcel
    All your period stuff sent to your door (that you get to pick out!) plus chocolate and a present. It sounds perfect. When I am done growing this baby and get my period back, this will become an itemized budget item for my household. Best idea ever.

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  11. A couple years ago on Valentines Day I was driving from Camp Lejeune in North Carolina all the way back to KY. My husband had just gotten back from an Afghanistan deployment. The day I left, Vday, we were not really getting along. I was really upset. And then mother nature rang. So I'm somewhere between NC and who knows where and I have to find a store to stop at to buy girly products. I was embarrassed because that's all I was getting. So I walked up to the cashier and plopped down tampons, pads, heat patches, etc. because I figured I'd get it all at once. With Vday balloons flying everywhere and flowers filling the store, the old lady gave me the sweetest look and was like "oh, honey! that's rough! I hope you have a better day!" HAHA. I grabbed the stuff and ran. I was like... I'm glad I have no clue where I am and will probably never be back here again.

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  12. Bahahaha. There is no need to be embarassed!! I was a cashier for several years and I always loved to see people's faces and attitudes when they bought tampons and condoms. What is worse? I worked at a grocery store where we had to thank the customers by their last name. And I had a customer, Mr. Kotex. Hahaha. And my husband would buy condoms and go through a particular cashier's line just to make her uncomfortable. He loves awkward moments.

    And you know, after you have a baby or 2, you won't be embarassed of anything anymore ;) Especially if you buy Depends for post-partum (which I HIGHLY recommend!)

    ps- did you see my post about my lifetime supply of Kotex? So I guess I can't really sympathize with you because I haven't had to buy tampons in yeeeeears.

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  13. That's it. When we hang out, we're making a trip to the store together, and I am going to buy feminine products with you.

    Just because I want to see all this awkwardness in person. ;)

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  14. Ahahahaah.

    I was walking through Wal Mart the other night, two boxes under my arm... just looking at a bunch of random crap and I thought to myself, "should I care about this moment???? Nah."

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  15. Michelle! Don't be embarrassed! I know, I know...it took me a while to not be embarrassed when I had to buy tampons. But now I not only buy them without shame, I buy the ones that come in the neon pink and green wrappers.

    HOWEVER. I would hide a tampon in my mouth on the way to the bathroom at work if I had to.

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  16. i used to be embarrassed about it if a cute guy was at the checkout stand. now i just toss it onto the conveyer belt and hope i nail the awkward teenager thats bagging my groceries. groceries? aka period things and candy.

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  17. Nope, I get all antsy about it too. I hate seeing the cashier grab the box and scan it. Shudder.

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  18. Lol I feel the same way. I bury those suckers in the bottom of my cart and get out of there as fast as I can.

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  19. I don't get embarrassed by feminine products. Family planning products is a different story, though. I don't even like being within 10 yards of that aisle. I feel like a 14 year old when I come near it, like it's shameful, or weird, or wrong. Also, when I worked at Target in College, one of my co-workers came through the line with a jumbo pack and his girlfriend in tow. It was ridiculously awkward for me.

    Compared to that, buying playtex every month or so is a breeze.

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  20. Okay, I'm just going to say it: Diva Cup.

    It's great. You buy it once, and it's good for a year. Or so they say. Mine's like two years old and still does the trick. It's basically a silicone shot glass for your lady bits, but it's great. You can leave it in for 12 hours and don't need to stress. After that it's as simple as a little pour out, a little rinse, and then re-insertion. I don't know a single person that has regretted getting one. Besides, once you're married it's a pretty high traffic zone down there anyway. What's a little more?

    Plus, they also mean way less awkward trips to the cashier in need of lady items.

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  21. my husband buys my tampons for me. but that's just because he usually makes a grocery run on the way home from work. but i'm not ashamed to do it myself.

    although one time my husband went to buy some lube that was on clearance (don't ask) and i think we really embarrassed the cashier. you can read it here if you want. http://delirious-rhapsody.blogspot.com/2012/01/my-stories-v4.html

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  22. I've gotten over the embarrassment of buying pads & tampons, but I don't think I'll EVER be able to buy condoms or pregnancy tests without being all weird about it.

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  23. How did I miss a period post yesterday?!? I fail at blog reading.

    Can we order these things online? Amazon? Hmmm. Because while I don't get AS embarrassed, I do get a little embarrassed about it. Especially when I was trying a new type of like the super SUPER extra tampons and I was so ashamed and I just KNEW the man at the register was going to read the box and be all OMG how in the world do you live with yourself?!?

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  24. I'm kind of ok with the lady products normally, but I live in a verrry small town, and teach middle school, and see the 13 year old that I teach everywhere. So when it comes time to buy lady things (or adult fun time supplies), I'm usually the one scanning the store like a secret agent for kids that I know ready to dive behind a display of spaghetti sauce at a moments notice.

    Sometimes parents of kids I have are the cashiers and there's no way to get around it....awkward.

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  25. Ha! I used to be embarrassed, but as long as I am buying a few other things, it seems mostly okay. I have also realized that younger male cashiers are as uncomfortable with it as you are so even though it is the "elephant in the room," it's really no big deal! Oh, and my husband quotes Brick any time he can tell that it's that time... it always makes me hit him, and then laugh!

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  26. What is this? I'm the same way! When Sky was here for that weekend, I had to buy a couple new bras, and there was a guy cashier. I actually ran to the bathroom and made Sky check out. What the heck?! The thought of a guy knowing that I was buying a bra was too much lol.

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  27. I think this is hilarious.

    I am not in the least bit embarrassed about buying tampons. Not. At. All. I'm weirdly proud. I go grab my jumbo box of regular Tampax and march on up to the cash desk and throw em down with my cash and smirk. Yeah, I'm bleeding from my lady bits, what of it?

    BUT, ask me to buy anything medicinal? Even Tylenol, and I am a mess. Hiding it under other groceries, passing it discreetly to the cashier as if I'm involved in a drug deal, asking for a double bag. It's ridiculous.

    Weird the things we get embarrassed about.

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  28. I used to be embarassed while buying those dreadful things, but then to get over my fear, I started going to an aisle that had a guy checking everybody out. That made me get over my fear REAL quick!

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