2.01.2013

I herby declare today to be magical

I woke up this morning feeling like P.Diddy this:




You know why? I'LL TELL YOU WHY!

Today is my last day in hell! Well, most of you already knew that.


Today is the day I've been waiting for for the last 14 months. I drove to work this morning thinking "This is the last time I have to take this exit. This is the last time I have to drive down this road. This is the last time I have to park here and walk through these doors." It's a darn good feeling.

And with that, I have some final words. Some farewells. Some goodbyes, if you will.


Dear PFF: the jig is up. We no longer have to pretend to like each other. In fact, I will never have to see you again. I hope you and your absurdly large earrings, sparkly sweaters, burgundy lipstick, and top knots will be very happy together.

Dear lady who does these things: I am so grateful I no longer have to sit back and watch you murder the English language without consequence.

Dear lady who walks like an elephant: 1 mile on the treadmill does not burn 700 calories. You should probably get your facts straight. Also, no one wants to hear every test grade your kids have gotten.

Dear lady in the stripper heels: Wearing 4 inch stilettos in the snow does not constitute a handicap, therefore quit parking in the handicap spots. And also quit parking in the visitor spots when the handicap spots are full. That's not ok.

Dear lady with the partial mullet: I am your weatherman no longer. Now, when you want to ask me about the temperature every single afternoon, you'll have to look it up yourself. Also, why is there a teddy bear buckled up in the passenger seat of your car?

Dear boss: It's not me, it's you.


Goodbye, everyone. I won't miss you.


If you need me, I'll be treating myself to some pizza and donuts tonight, and no one can stop me.





31 comments:

  1. I think I might be writing this exact same post in 6 months when I get out of beauty school! Congrats! I can only imagine how excited you must be! :)

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  2. Girl you EAT that pizza & those donuts...after working with these crazy sounding people you deserve it!

    Not gonna lie - I hope they secretly read your blog and realize what idiots they are.

    :) Happy last day!

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  3. GET. IT. GIRL

    This is the BEST POST (I know I say this every single day, GET OVER IT, I ALREADY HAVE)but I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! You are going to flourish in your new job and leave all these trolls in the dust.

    I can't wait to see where this new adventure takes you! Possibly on a business trip to New York? WHO KNOWS. WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT.

    But seriously, try and enjoy the last day in crazy town. And go crazy tonight!!!! xoxoxo :)

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  4. "it's not me, it's you." best. have a fantastic last day!!

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  5. Enjoy YOUR LAST DAY!!! I bet you'll have the best weekend ever too :)

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  6. THE JIG IS UP!!

    I love that saying - love.it.

    I'm so happy for you, and I can't wait until our FINAL countdown later. You deserve pizza and donuts, you totally do.

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  7. MOST EXCITING POST EVER!!!
    (Have you realised how I seem to always shout on your blog = just can't help myself!!)

    As you leave you should accidently/on purpose elbow PFF in the face. Just cause..

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  8. woo hoo!!!!! enjoy that last day and PARTY tonight :)

    can't wait to see what the next place has in store for you!

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  9. Sweet, sweet, sweet Victory, YEAH!!
    It's the- eye of the tiger is the mphhmmph of the fight.
    Pump up the Jam, pump it up, why your feet are mmphmmphmin'
    Everybody get up it's time to slam now, we gotta real jam going now. Welcome to the Space Jam!
    If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends, make it last forever friendship never ennnds!
    But this job does. today. you made it.

    (sorry, I don't know some of the words to those songs up there. ha!)
    and congratulations.

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    Replies
    1. This is the best comment in the history of best comments. EVER.

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  10. The teddy bear. oh dear.

    I love that Whitney just sang to you. And also mumbled some words.

    BEST DAY EVER.

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  11. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  12. Where do you even find those funny graphics? lol

    She buckles her teddy bear into the seat...? I'm glad you're outta there ;)

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  13. AHHHHHH!!! CONGRATULATIONS! AND GTFO!

    Also, I wonder if teddy bear lady drives with her fake passenger to mooch off of the HOV lane.

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  14. Freedom! I am so happy for you! Although...I will now be tracing all the in-text links to all the stories this horrible job gave you, because they are terribly entertaining. I will enjoy them al the more for knowing you no longer suffer at their hands: Win-win!

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  15. hahahahahha! i died of happiness and giggles when I read this. GET the H out of there girl!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!

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  16. Yay! I thought about you this morning and thought, "Today is her last day! I'm sure she's doing a happy dance!" Enjoy your pizza and donuts, they are quite the winning combo!

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  17. YAY!!! I totally know the feeling of leaving a job you hate. I'm sure you're feeling absolutely marvelous!

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  18. This is exciting... .because I know who, and in only two days at that. Most importantly because I was a part of your story for a brief moment....but still significant to me! I would've been honored if you would of some how welcomed me to taking your place in hell though.....in some asshole way Not that your an asshole, but I love when people are being assholes! ! Hahaha like Chelsea Handler.. ..love her.

    Anyway! I look forward to hearing about your new gig, and I hope it entertains you well! ;)

    Asmorgasbordvisionary.wordpress.com! Cheeeaa I went with wordpress.

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  19. This is exciting... .because I know who, and in only two days at that. Most importantly because I was a part of your story for a brief moment....but still significant to me! I would've been honored if you would of some how welcomed me to taking your place in hell though.....in some asshole way Not that your an asshole, but I love when people are being assholes! ! Hahaha like Chelsea Handler.. ..love her.

    Anyway! I look forward to hearing about your new gig, and I hope it entertains you well! ;)

    Asmorgasbordvisionary.wordpress.com! Cheeeaa I went with wordpress.

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  20. I'm glad you pulled through and are making your life better! Hope you enjoyed the pizza and doughnuts! I'm headed to KK on Monday... then the post office. For those just in case kind of days =)

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  21. Woohoo! How exciting! Let me say these gifs were all perfect in every way possible. Hope you have a good time settling into your new job!

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  22. I hope you celebrated in style this weekend!

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  23. this is amazing:) congratulations!

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  24. it's my first time visiting your blog so I don't know the backstory, but this post made me laugh out loud. Congratulations!

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  25. You had a coworker who wore stilettos in the snow??? What a DUMMY.

    So glad that you're not working in hell anymore ;D

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