a trip to the grocery store

+ I make a beeline for the bathrooms since we just got out of church and I just drank a lot of coffee.

+ There's a security camera alarmingly close to the stalls. Remind me not to use this bathroom again.

+ James and I make our way to the produce aisle where I see an employee standing on a counter with her foot in the cheese display. Remind me to buy cheese somewhere else.

+ I grab an orange which causes several other oranges to fall off the display, onto the ground, and roll through the produce section. Kill me.

+ I don't think zucchinis are supposed to be this mushy?

+ Ooo, blueberries!

+ I read on someone's blog that it's strawberry season ( I have no clue if this is true. Sue me). If that's the case, why are they so expensive? And why do they look like a dog chewed them up and spit them out? I grab a pint of the least offensive looking strawberries, since I feel like a smoothie even though it's still snowing.

+ They're out of spinach again. Fourth time in a row. I am verklempt.

+ I can't tell if the employee in my way is a man or a woman. He/she apologizes for being in my way. The voice only added more confusion to the already confusing situation.

+ I grab some of Amy's organic frozen meals, because I have hunch making my lunches this week isn't going to happen.

+ They're out of my favorite sweet potato chips. Tears.

+ Seriously lady, get out of my way.

+ Ugh. I thought my stomach ache was gone. I was wrong.


+ Put your hands up and step away from the chocolate, Michelle.

+ There's a display of toilet paper next to the beans. I giggle.

+ Speaking of beans, they're out of pinto beans. I am not amused.

+ Where did James go?! I have an arm full of beans and Rotel, and I'm wandering the aisles aimlessly. I'm starting to look ridiculous.

+ Oh my gosh, that was not James. I almost put my beans in another man's cart.

+ Put the cookies down, James.

+ I am seriously not paying $5 for thyme. Heck no.

+ That man has a better top knot than I could ever dream of having. I want to ask him his secrets. I also want to ask him why his hair is in a top knot/bun. He catches me staring. I pretend to look for frozen onions.

+ James, I said no cookies.

+ I now understand why the booze aisle is directly in front of the registers. It all makes sense now.

+ We approach the registers, and I keep my eyes peeled since two weeks ago I saw a girl from high school in line for Redbox. This is no longer a safe area.

+ We put all our stuff on the conveyer belt. I don't understand why the cashier isn't ringing us up. She says the person in front of us forgot to grab yogurt and will be back in a minute. She finally returns, and she catches the tail end of my glare.

+ The girl bagging our groceries asks if I like strawberries. I say yes. She then asks if I like Nutella. I say yes. She nods. Was there a point to that?

+ We put our groceries in the car where we notice strawberry genius put a 2 liter of Mt. Dew on top of the bananas. I take several deep breaths.

+ We manage to make it out of the crowded parking lot with our lives, and I start to relax.

+ Crap. I forgot yogurt.

There has got to be a better way.


  1. I despise grocery stores sometimes! There is one near me that is an absolute mess. One time I spent like 45 minutes looking for cupcake wrappers... they seemed to think putting them near the box mixes and baking stuff was a bad idea?

    Also, I'm pretty sure the girl bagging your stuff was trying to send you some secret kind of code. I'll look into it.

  2. Welllll sure.
    I actually LOVE going to the store... prime people watching time!

  3. Grocery shopping is one of my least favorite things to do.

    How are grocery stores always out of something on the very day you go to get it? We have that problem too.

  4. The thought of you almost putting stuff into another person's cart is the highlight of my morning. I am cracking up!

    I made it through the grocery store yesterday without seeing anyone I knew. It was a miracle.

    I wish you used your picture taking skills to get a photo of that guy's top knot!

  5. Thinking of you surrounded by falling oranges rolling through the produce section makes me LOL on this Monday morning.


    Also, I had to tell myself to step away from the chocolate this weekend, too. Spoiler alert: I didn't listen.

  6. I think Andy and I visited the produce area four times last night because we kept forgetting stuff. And then I forgot to get bread. Of all things to forget, I forget bread.

  7. I'm going to use "Do you like strawberries? Do you like Nutella?" as my ice breaker from now on. And make a point to not go anywhere with it.

    this is why I don't have friends anymore.

  8. The worst is realizing when you get home that you forgot something. Usually what I forget is my list somewhere on my kitchen counter, so I'm just screwed by the time I get to the store.

  9. verklempt.

    Best use of that word that I have ever seen.

    Honestly though, bless you.. you cannot catch a break sometimes...*sending good vibes and yogurt your way*

  10. We go to the grocery store after church, too. It's always an adventure....most recently I saw a random guy who I'd cut his hair at school at the grocery store. That amused me.

  11. The grocery store makes me SO ANGRY! Especially Trader Joe's. And do the tiny children REALLY need their own carts? Let's create more traffic!

    Also, I feel like it might be too early for strawberry season...possibly. Not that I'm am expert though...

  12. hahaha, your shopping experience sure is funny :) I love to buy eggplant, do you eat any of that?

  13. Our grocery store is out of spinach about 90% of the time. It's maddening.

    I'm 90% certain that strawberries are more of an early summer fruit...

  14. we just tried to stop going... buy from local, smaller places. but you just can't avoid the big ones forever. unfortunately.

  15. The start of every fruit's season is stupid-dumb overpriced...patience is the name of the game. It'll get better.

  16. This is the best post about a trip to the grocery store ever. Gold star for you. ;-)

  17. exactly why I order my groceries half the time lol

  18. The lady checking you out (not meant in a visual way, but I dunno, I wasn't there) was sending you a subliminal message to eat strawberries with Nutella. For real, it's good. And strawberries are in season in FL, GA, SC and lasts until about May when it starts to get too hot for them. (We gleefully went strawberry picking every spring.) My guess is that in Ohio the local strawberries are not ready and they're still charging you shipping costs. Not a grocer, I'm speculating. In SC, we're paying $5 for 3 1-pound cartons- oh happy day! I hope your outings get less harrowing soon and your strawberry prices go down.

  19. you have the most dramatic shopping experiences ever. The goal is to never go on a weekend, or if you have to, go before 9 am. This step is crucial. And in the winter, it's cold enough to leave your groceries in the car during church. Bonus.

    I bag my own groceries. I can't handle the way that store trained people do it. Why is my chicken with clorox???

  20. You trip sounds better than mine usually are!

  21. Yes, that is pretty much how it goes every time.

  22. Putting anything on bananas is punishable by death in Canada.


Talk to me! If your email is linked to your account, I'll respond to you via email. If not, I'll respond to you right here.