3.28.2013

hiding

Sometimes I just want to be a hermit. I want to shut myself into a room, crawl into my shell, and take a deep breath. I want to forget about political tweets venomously bashing people who don't agree, I want to forget about snarky lawyers and their emails, and comments from people who probably mean well but seem to take personal offense to changes you make in your life. I want to forget that friends you think you have will inevitably leave you out of things, but those pictures are splattered on every social media screen there is, so it's impossible to avoid. I want to forget the noise of the internet and blog posts screaming blog like this or how to be great at this or cook this for dinner or follow me on bloglovin because omg did you hear about google reader? I want to forget about the TV and women screaming at each other while sitting on velvet couches and wearing overpriced dresses. I am tired of the pregnancy bragging and photographers posting boudoirs shots (gross) and naked babies wearing bows three times the size of their head while crammed into a bucket (a special form of child abuse). I am tired of inconsiderate people. I am tired of people telling me why they think my decisions for my life are wrong.

I am tired of it all. The information overload. The noise. The internet is a place where all at once I feel like I'm being poked and prodded with people pulling my hair and and tugging me by the arm and screaming in my ears over their concerns about the weather and food and how many glasses of wine they've had with dinner and whatever outfit they put on today (do you need a gold star or something?) and celebrity gossip I'd rather cut my ears off than listen to or read.

Sometimes it makes me nearly explode.

Sometimes I just want to listen to my own thoughts before listening to everyone else's.

This is not some grand announcement that I'm breaking up with the internet or taking a hiatus. Even though blogging is a form of the madness I speak of, it is still a sanctuary for me. I'm just in a funk. I feel easily annoyed these days. I feel burned out. My job is fine, but it's intense. Aside from holidays, I haven't taken a day off work since I got sick in October. I spent all my energy hating my old job, and now I'm still trying to learn my new one. And when I'm not at work, social media and TV and email and all that stuff screams at me. This isn't for pity or anything like that. I know I can avoid that stuff, and I really do limit it a lot. It's just to say that the world is a very noisy and boisterous place these days, no matter how much you stay away from the computer.

This post by Bridget about Pride and Prejudice is what really got me thinking. Just like her, sometimes I crave another era. As wonderful as the internet is, the thought of living without it sounds fabulous sometimes. The thought of creating my own thoughts and ideas instead of reading someone else's is wonderful. Days spent with sewing and gardening and reading and piano playing sounds like heaven. It was a quieter world back then, and sometimes I just need to recreate that world in 2013 until I snap out of my funk.

But until then, I'll be in my shell.

18 comments:

  1. Hermit life is the life for me too, girl.

    I feel the same way about so much of this stuff. I do love the concept of social media and being connected with so many people at the same time in a matter of seconds-- but what would happen if I didn't know everything all the time? Would the world cease to exist? No. But sometimes I think I am so dependent on it, it FEELS like it. It's strange.

    Everyone needs a break once and awhile. :)

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  2. After living in Europe for the past two years, I'm kinda dreading moving back to the States next month....the culture here is just slower, more chill, and much less stressed. We walk or bike most places, shop at markets, and don't watch tv (because we can't understand the language anyway). So maybe you don't need another era but just a different location....crossing my fingers my mind doesn't explode with information overload when we get back!

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  3. I GET THIS. Every single word. This has been me for the past 2 weeks. I just don't wanna deal with it right now, I don't have the energy. Hope we both get out of funks soon, it's really putting a serious cramp on my lifestyle.

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  4. Love this! Written beautifully and I completely agree with you and feel the same!

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  5. I have not read that post by Bridget, but I will have to check it out. I was in a Pride and Prejudice shell on Sunday. I love that movie. I could watch it, finish it, and start it again right away.

    Oh, that Mr. Darcy.

    Unplugging is important. Warm, sunny days remind me that I need to put down my phone or get away from the computer, and spend some time doing real life things, and not worrying about turning them into a blog post.

    I hope the warm weather finds its way to you soon :)

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  6. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!

    Seriously though, you pretty much read my mind lately. There are days I just want to get rid of everything (Twitter...Instagram...even the blog, some days!) and go back to doing everything the old fashioned way. Or even the semi-old fashioned way...you know, an actual e-mail or text message to ask how your friend is doing, instead of posting a "Hey! Haven't talked to you in like a year!" on their Facebook wall or Twitter feed and hoping they see it and respond (why do people do that!?).

    And what is it with some people and their over-opinionated-ness? And how many glasses of wine they drank last night? And how their life is personally affected by "reality" tv shows??

    I feel like I'm about to get myself in trouble, so I'll hush now.

    Carry on, friend. Our shells are very similar these days.

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  7. Sometimes I really want to disconnect... it's so hard in this society though.

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  8. True story. Facebook has gotten legitimately stressful, with so many divisive and angry lines being drawn. It doesn't feel like a place to retreat while I eat my lunch. And after a particularly nasty blog troll incident for me, I am being a little hermitish (my computer tells me that's not a word, but it should be). Perhaps I will go on break.

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  9. You're so not alone. (Even though you want to be? Re: Being a hermit.) I don't have facebook or anything remotely social-media-y beyond my blog and the only time I look at the internet is when I'm at school. And THAT is too much for me sometimes. I feel like having so much information in your eye/ear holes all the time makes it difficult to ever truly decompress, even after you step back for a minute. It's all still there. And you know it's there. I get why people are into it (blog friends, duh) and obviously there are benefits to having so much at our fingertips, but it's hard to balance and I miss when things were a little more organic.

    Although, didn't ladies in the P&P era spend a lot of time walking around in circles inside their houses? Also would skip the corset part. But if I can get out of those things then totally let me know if you successfully recreate history, I wanna come.

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  10. I love the silent evenings, and the hush of the coffee maker as I make my husband another cup, the coffee smell mingling with the taste of our wood stove. I love sewing in the mornings when the sun is making its way into my window. I love cooking lunch without the white noise of a useless TV. This is why I live without internet. By my choice I visit a coffee shop or internet cafe to partake of the screaming masses and their wants needs and pleas to the world. By choice I add my own words to them. But it was always a choice.

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  11. Too-shay, to all of this. Sometimes a break from the webs is the best thing you can do for yourself.

    But the babies in the buckets...I couldn't help but giggle. Totally child abuse.

    Not to encourage further internet usage, but you must watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF9-sEbqDvU. It will cheer you up, I promise.

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  12. ohhh lady. me too! I crave for simpler times. I love the internet but I hate it a lot more than love it sometimes. I crave BEING A HUMAN and being RAW sometimes.
    love you!

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  13. those baby photos where they're crammed in a bucket, or little red wagon have always sort of freaked me out.

    but then again, so do babies in general.

    I hear you though. Sometimes, I just need to close the lap top, silence the cell phone and just enjoy the people I have right next to me.
    hope you feel better.
    so many people here on the internet love you and care about you.
    if you ever need ANYTHING. seriously. call me. even if it's in the middle of the night.
    11 pm-3 am phone calls are turning out to be my thing.

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  14. Yesterday I had a moment where I was like everyone sit the eff down, shut up, the phone needs to stop ringing, and let me breathe. All the noise and commotion was making my brain ready to explode. Then I went and sat in my secret parking lot and had some alone time. Sometimes you just need it.

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  15. Ahh, yes. This is so true. The internet sometimes, and especially lately, is overloaded with stupid things. I can't stand over-opinionated people. It seems that Facebook and Twitter and whatever other social media site have made people like that. They can't handle people having different opinions than themselves and have to go on bashing them. I hate it.

    And I always wish we could all just live without electronics for awhile. Not electricity and my fun kitchen gadgets, but mostly just TV and everything internet/social media.

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  16. it was a quieter world back then, indeed.
    but i kinda like modern indoor plumbing. ;)

    i know what you mean about the internets and blogs, etcetera crowding and yelling everything.
    i don't have inspiration to blog much anymore (hah! obvious, right?!), i do a lot of research for random stuff i want to know (house remodel type stuff) and keep up with my friends and family on fb.
    otherwise, i'm planning a wedding.

    i love the part about babies in buckets. hehehe. yikes. totally with you on that!! since when do we put babies in buckets?! when did that become okay?! lolol....

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  17. I've been pretty burnt out online too. not sure what clicked, but I'm barely interested in anything online. all I want to do is watch TV, sleep & not talk to anyone. hoping we can both get out of the funk! it happens every now & then.

    and, yeah, those newborn pics are ridiculous.

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  18. Hey, if there's ever a train going back in time to the Pride & Prejudice (i love mr. darcy) era, please take me with you!!

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