an unedited stream of consciousness, vol. 2

I'm writing this to the sound of TLC's "My Strange Obsession" playing in the background. The lady currently on is obsessed with Raggedy Ann, which is bothering me because I loved Raggedy Ann as a kid.

It has been a long day. I've decided I hate screens, mainly computer screens. By about 2:30 every day, I hit a wall and literally cannot read and comprehend anything else on my computer screen. My brain shuts down and puts up a fight, begging me to read actual paper instead of colorful, screaming pixels. My eyes start to ache, my carpal tunnel flares up, and my brain turns to slush. I hate computer screens. They make me feel like my brain is rotting. Yet hear I am, ranting about computer screens on a computer screen. Sigh.

Ok, Raggedy Ann lady is gone. Now it's a lady obsessed with bunnies. I saw a glimpse of her stuffed bunny hoarding issues and now I won't be able to sleep tonight. Bunnies might be the new clowns. 

So anyway. James and I have been looking for a place to live. Our lease is up in July, and the thought of having more than 650 square feet is more thrilling than I could ever put into words. And our townhouse is two stories, which makes this place feel even tinier than it really is. But the jacuzzi tub and brick wood burning fireplace and snazzy new kitchen have made the last 2 years bearable, if not nearly enjoyable. But it is time to move on. If only we could move on. Finding a place to live is much harder than I imagined. The area of town we really want to live in is not working in our favor right now. Too ghetto, no air conditioning, no pets, too expensive, astronomical pet deposits, people who don't respond, etc. It's getting annoying. It's turning into another full time job just looking for a place to live. 

And if you even mention buying a house, I will punch you. I realize James and I are the only married couple on the face of the planet who hasn't bought a house yet, but that's just how it is. Maybe everyone else our age inherited a lot of money. Who knows. But I don't know how everyone is buying a house right now. I also don't know how they're all having kids, either. But it's ok. We don't need to buy a house and have kids like everyone else. It's ok if I only know about two other couples who don't have kids. It's ok if everyone we know bought a house last year. Sometimes it's hard not to compare lives, but I've learned to be grateful that we can pay our bills and we have good jobs. I am only 24 years old. There is plenty of time for house buying and baby making....right? Right. Right. It's ok. 

OMG THIS LADY IS FREEZE DRYING RABBIT CORPSES. She's had rabbits in her freezer for EIGHT. YEARS. I'm sorry. I just needed to tell someone.

OMG they STILL eat their wedding cake they've kept in the freezer (next to the bunnies!) on their anniversary. They've been married NINETEEN YEARS.

I'm having heart palpitations. 

Ok, moving on. 

Even if we never buy a house, it will be ok. If we never have kids, it will be ok. As long as we're following God, we will be ok. That is what gives me peace and comfort. That's what keeps me from stressing and comparing our life with everyone else's. We are exactly where we are supposed to be. Our life has its own plan. Ok. I feel much better now. Thank you for talking through that with me.

Ok now there is a 5 year old girl who can lift 100 pounds on this show. I don't even know if I can lift 100 pounds. Now I really need to reevaluate my life. 

I did bicep curls at the gym today with 10 lb. weights, and I felt awesome. And now this FIVE year old is lifting 100 lbs? Brb, banging my head against a wall.

I accidentally ate a lot of chocolate tonight. I don't feel guilty. I think I want to chop my hair off. My finger hurts. I'm sick of the computer screen. I'm still hungry. I'm sleepy. I craved cherries this morning. I might have blasted ABBA to and from work today. I'll probably do it again tomorrow.

There is a guy dressed as a mermaid on tv now. And Pauly D's stalker from Jersey Shore (um, did I just admit that I've seen that show? Oops...).  She said, and I quote, "celebrity spotting is the most important thing to me. More important than work and everything." I will never under people who are obsessed with celebrities and idolize them. I honestly could not care less about almost all of them.

Ok, I need to go get sucked into this horrifying show.

Adios, muchachas. 


  1. my boyfriend and i are always wondering how people have these huge houses, and 5 kiddos running around. do money trees really exist and they are just a special group of people who are in on the secret? i dont know, i just dont know.

    i do try to remind him of some of those same things though. we do have a house (it was a foreclosure and manfriend is pretty handy with the tools so its turned out quite nicely), we have jobs, we are generally happy people. sometimes you gotta make sure to remind yourself of what you DO have, instead of what you don't.

    but if you do find the secret money tree, will you let me in on it?

  2. Seriously dying about the woman with the rabbits and wedding cake. I didn't even have to see that and I'm completely disturbed now!

    As for the other stuff, keep going on God's plan! I've had to remind myself a lot of that lately and the only way that we can find peace and feel sure about the future is to know it's in His hands. He will continue to guide and reassure you!

  3. I accidentally ate a lot of chocolate tonight.

    Story. Of. My. Life..

    Honestly though.

    One of my most favourite posts, your brain is like my brain.. pinging between a thousand things all at once, not sure where to settle!!!

    Oh and I TOTALLY AGREE about all the house buying shit... WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE GETTING THEIR MONEY FROM?

    Madness... me and ben are good renting for the mean time... financial freedom really is what I like to think. And freedom in the way that we have no babies. yet.

    Love ya lots!

  4. People are weird...

    We haven't bought a house yet, thanks to money and military. I don't really care about it. We do have a kid running around, but she's cute, so that's cool, right?

  5. Accidentally eating a lot of chocolate is the story of my life. I stopped at CVS after work yesterday because I NEEDED something sweet... I ended up with three different little bags of M&M's because I couldn't decide. I thought I would be nice and give one bag to each of my siblings... but I didn't. I dumped all three of them into one big bag and am slowly making my way through ALL OF THEM. WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH MY LIFE

  6. I watched that TLC show a couple times and it make me feel so much better about my life. Well, I obviously didn't see the one about the infant who could lift elephants.

    Anyone who is living in a nice house with 5 kids is in a lot of debt - just keep telling yourself that.

    Make sure this new place as a guest room for me and Kelsey ;)

    1. *has a guest room ...oh Tuesday, I hate you.

    2. Err...I think you forgot about me!! I would like to have use of this guest room!!!!
      p.s I would be the one that brings lots of treats!!

  7. Oh my good Lord get out of my brain. Finding a new place to live is practically a full time job. I'm always sneaking onto craigslist or local newspaper websites and sending my boyfriend places like "please call these THIS MINUTE OR WE WILL BE HOMELESS." Obviously, stress and home searching do me in pretty quickly. But seriously - how does ANYONE my age have money to buy a flipping house or responsibly raise a small human? I don't get it.

    Or, my personal favorite, my boyfriend's cousin decided to get a low-paying job, and his girlfriend got a low-paying job, and neither of them are trying very hard, so THEIR GRANDMOTHER GAVE THEM A HOUSE. WHAT THE WHAT?!?! Where is that luck in my life??

    End rant. I'm sorry. I appreciated your stream of consciousness. I do not appreciate freeze-dried bunnies.

  8. I don't have a house.
    or kids.

    or the desire for kids.
    but I kinda want a house.

    or just, more space.

  9. I am going to turn 27 next month and we haven't bought a house. It looks like at least 2 years before we can. We are also childless. It's no big deal.

  10. You guys aren't the only ones. We don't own a house, and we don't have kids. And we're A LOT older than you guys! What's the rush, people? The economy sucks, so good luck with investing in all your expensive homes. ;)

  11. Finding somewhere to live is incredibly stressful. I hated that. It drove me crazy. It was even worse because we moved from one side of the state to the other a few years ago and the cost of living is almost TWICE as much here as it was there.

    Leaning on God will keep you sane. It helps keep me sane most of the time.

    PS. We don't have a house yet either and, in my defense, having a kid was definitely not planned ;)

  12. I understand...the ONLY reason we have a house is because we went through a first-time buyer's program (have you asked any realtors if there's something like that where you live??), otherwise we'd probably still be living at that wonderful apartment you know I loved with my whole heart.

    As far as kids...I honestly think a lot of it depends where you live. I have several friends who are all 29/30, like me, and none of us have kids and none of us feel like there's something wrong with us. So just remember, us Pacific Northwesterners don't feel the pressure to have a kid by age 22 and you shouldn't either. ;)

  13. JACUZZI TUB? That is my dream...

    You have SO MUCH TIME for babymaking and house buying. So much time. You guys are so young. Now I'm mad at you guys for being so young and I'm over here being so old. I am 30, Justin is 35 and we are still renters. We will be for at least a couple more years! You will figure it all out when the time is right!

    Mom lecture, done. Okay now I need to set my dvr for this show...

  14. Love how you can't quit the screens even when you're loathing them - double-screening it in this post, with the TV telling you terrible, terrible things you can't unknow.

    Is it terrible that I adore how horrified you sometimes sound? Because it's my favorite - like a kitten with the giant LSD eyes, life seems to be a rollercoaster of worrying thoughts and images. I'm rooting for your inner peace, but also love watching you trip out...don't slow your roll too soon! :P

    Also, spoiler alert: those other couples? With the brood and the mortgage? They are going into hideous, hideous debt. You are being so smart. (I say as I make the same financial choices, ahem) Double Income No Kids is the way to be! DINK pride, yo! Stay strong, confident; Yes, You Are Making Good Decisions. Validation BOOM!

    This. This is you, in my head --> http://www.picasaurus.com/wp-content/main/2012_01/crazy_eyes.jpg

  15. We bought a house a couple of years ago and just sold it due to an impending move. We used my husband's VA loan. If we wouldn't have had that, it wouldn't have been possible for us to afford a house. Personally, I prefer renting. Don't you know all the cool kids rent?

    Also, I don't have any kids. I'm 26 and have been married 4 years AND I'm in the South where everyone has kids like two seconds after they get married. My mother-in-law is super mad at me about our childless state.

    I've blocked freeze dried bunnies out of my mind. I can't even...

  16. okay you are HILARIOUS! i'm so glad i found your blog. i have been sitting, staring at my mac screen all day too. and watching episodes of My First Place. if you are feeling insecure about not having a house yet, you should totally watch that show. mind boggling how people just throw money down the drain and take out loans like it's their job. i don't think i will ever understand. but it puts things in perspective for sure! there is time still for a house and kids :) i feel like so many young married couples are just overeager and ill-prepared. you seem grounded.

    anyway, i don't get the whole save the top of the cake thing in the freezer either. i mean, i guess i'll do it when E and i get married? but it freaks me out. how does it stay fresh that long? i'm thinking it MUST taste like freezer burn after all that time....

    okay i'm going to go back to watching these re-runs. enjoy your afternoon girl!

    grace & love,

  17. Oh yeah, renters for life over here! And we rent, in the ghetto. Like the corner outside of our complex has a check cashing store on every corner. I love it. The people around here are so, electic. Okay, maybe ethnic is a better description? Entertaining for sure. You should see our Walmart! Oh, and we have bars on our windows. Its fabulous! But its affordable ;) But I know how you feel. Searching is NO fun at all. I hope you guys find something soon and something good!

  18. I also cannot, cannot understand how so many of the couples I know are buying houses right now. I in no way feel settled enough to commit to a house and all that entails. I love renting from my parents and telling Dad on skype, "Hey, the wall upstairs is crumbling to pieces, what should we do about that?"
    Of course, I just heard of one couple I know who bought a house using some kind of loan where they only needed a $500 down payment. So that might explain why people can buy houses. Personally I wouldn't want to do it that way and be in debt for the rest of my life.
    I'm not quite as nervous about having kids...just because I don't think kids tie you down very much (I saw my family travel the world with a ton of kids) and I've been around them so much. Plus, I have a plan that when we do have kids, I'm going to convince my favorite little sister to live with us and be my babysitter. Angel is the one who says, "I can't imagine being a parent." and he's pushing 29, so I think he's a little weird.

  19. My husband is in the Navy. He's 27. He's been in for 3 years. If I do the math right and he stays in for the full 20, we will buy a house when he's.... 44. I will be 41. But the longer we rent, the longer we can save up for a huge down payment on a house we'll love for a long time. So that's a plan.
    We'll have a little girl in August, but it totally depends on the situation. For some people, earlier is better, others prefer to wait, others are never. The last thing I would want someone to pressure me into is parenting. You're bringing a tiny human into the world! You should be ready!
    Also, we did not freeze our wedding cake. It was delicious and we gobbled it all up that night. I want to know though, is it safe to keep thawing and re-freezing? Ugh.


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