4.10.2013

lady talk



Every single time I start PMSing, I panic. I mean, I full on panic. Why am I so hungry? Why do I feel so anxious? Why can't I stuff my love handles in my jeans as easily? Why am I craving guacamole to this extreme? Why do I nearly eat a tub of it and then lay in bed craving it all over again? Why am I snappy? Why is my chin covered with a million and seven zits? Why do my ovaries feel funny? Why did I wake up this morning feeling like the world is crashing down around me and no one loves me and everything is terrible and I probably have cancer and please pass the guacamole? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BODY?!

As you can see, my brain is an exhausting place. I'm a fairly smart woman. I graduated from high school and college with honors. I have a decent job. I know some things. However, I can never seem to remember why my body is going haywire once a month. Like I literally can't figure it out. My body has been going through this cycle every month for over a decade, and I still haven't figured it out. It usually takes me two or three days into full-fledged PMS before I put all the pieces of the puzzle together. James will usually look at me with a knowing smile and say "it's PMS, Michelle. Just like last month." And I'll say nope! No way. Absolutely not. I don't think it's time yet. The same thing happened yesterday, and I laid in bed last night trying to figure out what kind of cancer or disorder I probably have when I looked at a calendar and WELL HELLO PMS. Usually I want to slam the door in the face of PMS, but last night I wanted to hug it and squeeze it and bake it cookies (too far....too far). At least there's a reason why I'm all out of whack and filling my shopping cart with guacamole when all I needed was bread.

Maybe someday I'll figure this out. But probably not.

Is it just me? Probably.


15 comments:

  1. I don't go too crazy with my thoughts. I don't think "cancer" for instance. What I do think is "Pregnant!" every stinking month. For the last two years and four months. Dang guilty conscience. Angel's never going to believe me when I really am pregnant.

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  2. Definitely not just you. Every time I get a cramp it must be a cyst or something. Paranoia at its finest.

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  3. It's so not just you! I am like Rachel and think I am pregnant every month. My husband actually told me once that I need to stop wasting money on pregnancy tests and just get an app. I already have an app for that, but I never remember to check it.

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  4. O_O hahaha.....wow. Yup. totally sympathize. expect I want peanut butter.

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  5. SAME. I always flip a lid and agonize over every bit of food I've eaten in the last week or two that would have contributed to me feeling so FAT AND AWFUL. Then I realize, DUH. Not my first time at this rodeo. And I keep eating.

    Being a girl is the wuuuuurrssstttttt.

    But you are the bestttttttttt

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  6. It never catches me off guard cause with my BC I can pinpoint it literally to the hour of when it will hit.

    but it doesn't mean I hate myself any less after I eat 10 pickles and marinate a quesadilla in ranch dressing.

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  7. I'm with Whitney...BC makes it so I know exactly when it's going to start. Plus, I always get a RAGING headache the day before and the day of, so if I wasn't already aware, the headache forces me to be.

    Download the P Tracker app. It'll change your life.

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  8. I haven't figured it out yet either, and I have a little calendar that tracks it. I was in full blown panic mode Monday night, texting Sam and making her think I was going to jump in front of a bus, and then I woke up the next morning and had my period.

    Then I was all, "OHHHH. THAT EXPLAINS A LOT."

    We need to put our periods on a strict schedule!

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  9. This is why birth control is double-awesome - a little visual countdown to Weird Shit, brought to you by...You, and your body.

    However, I've been obsessing over pasta salad - having it for every meal and fantasizing bout having it again, while actively full of it - all month long, so I don't even have an excuse. >.< Maybe it's a seasonal disorder; Springtime Addiction to Picnic-Food...SAPF.

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  10. I have anxiety, cancer thoughts, and serious irritability. I also just want to lay down forever and cry and never get up. My husband calls it "The Hunger Games". I eat everything in the house. It pretty much sucks 24/7 for a week!

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  11. I have the P Tracker app on my phone and it makes it so much easier to remember all of that stuff.

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  12. It is not just you. The only reason I don't think I'm dying every month is because I can look at my little pill pack and know exactly what's going on haha

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  13. heheheh....whoa. sorry. i just kinda laughed.
    forgive me.

    i get edgy after my cycle! the past two days (i'm just recently done with it) i've been feeling personalities grate on me like NOTHING else. and the way certain people talk....and how they've been making conversation with me....grrr!!!! lol. gotta love the moon and hormones. :P

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  14. I do this every damn month. Stupid periods. It would be much easier if all women had their periods from the 1-5th of every single month. Everyone would know, would understand, and act accordingly. It would be the best system ever.

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