4.12.2013

let's talk beards

Beards. You love them or you hate them. I'll be honest, I was never a fan until Duck Dynasty came into my life. Now I wholeheartedly embrace my bearded bros.



But enough about them. We're about to talk about a different breed of beards: the Amish.

There is nothing more intense than an Amish beard.
The Amish beard is what turned me against all beards. The strap-on looking beard coupled with the bowl cut is enough to give me nightmares for a lifetime, and a shorter style of this beard is unfortunately a rather common facial hair choice for the trashier Midwestern boys. If you're going to do a beard, do it right, like Jase Uncle Si.

Back to Amish beards! The beards even have their own scandal that took place about an hour or so away from me. Have you heard about the Amish beard cutting attacks? It happened a couple years ago, but the accused are just now going to prison for it. I don't remember all the details, but some rascally Amish folks basically cut the beards of men to shame them (married Amish men are quite attached to their beards) because they thought they were straying from the Amish faith or some nonsense like that. These men have been convicted of hate crimes (over BEARDS), and one was sentenced to FIFTEEN YEARS in prison. 15 years in prison. For cutting a beard. While rapists are on the loose. Can we just think about that for a minute? Anyway. It has come up in the news recently as the convicted men are about to go to prison, so I had several emails this week from friends in different parts of the world asking me if this is real life. And I'm here to tell you it is, in fact, real life. This is real life Ohio. I love it.

Oh, and if you've seen Amish Mafia on Discovery Channel, then you might know that crazy Merlin was part of this beard cutting shindig. Crazy, no? I love the Amish, "hate crimes" and all.

And now, to wrap up bearded Friday, I leave you with my favorite beard video of all time. A man who was forced to eat his own beard. Just please watch it. Please. You'll see why. And once again, THIS IS REAL LIFE. (though thankfully not in Ohio this time)


16 comments:

  1. Holy crap,15 years for cutting a beard???!!!!!! And how much do child abusers get? This world truly is crazy.
    I think beards are cool. There is this typical "Dubliners" kinda look that is very common for banjo players.. my husband and myself joke about that a lot. When we see someone with a beard we say "what instrument would that guy play if he was a musician?" :D
    I found you link through some blog I found on the Blogaholic social network. I like the type of blog that you write!

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  2. My husband has been growing his beard for about two years now. When I told him about this he said "15 years seems about right. How would you feel if some one destroyed your life's work?!".... I think so one has been watching too much Whisker Wars on Netflix...

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  3. Andy has a beard and I love it. Without it, his face looks too... smooth? I don't know. I make him keep it haha.

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  4. YOU KNOW BEARDS ARE MY MOST FAVORITE

    While I don't watch any of the shows listed above, I am going to wholeheartedly agree regardless because, well, #betcheslovebeards.

    HAPPY FRIDAY

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  5. That video! I die. Every time.

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  6. Like Kelsey said, YOU KNOW BEARDS ARE MY MOST FAVORITE. I mean, Jase? Swoon. SWOON. It does not get better than that man and his beard, it really doesn't.

    I watched a few episodes of Amish Mafia...those people are crazy! And good thing I don't have a beard, because they would probably cut it off for saying that.

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  7. Oh my GOD the Amish beard slash hair cutting scandal...I could not even get enough of it! I kept reading articles and yelling to all of the guys in the office "HEY THE AMISH ARE DOING THIS CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???" but no one was quite as enthralled by the whole thing as me.

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  8. I have told Justin numerous times that if he shaves, I AM SO OUT.

    Do you think that beard growing was in that amish life book? I hope so. I also think amish beards are gross. They need some conditioner.

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  9. OMG that video. Who are these people? lol

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  10. I just still can't believe that story is REAL.........

    I was never really into beards until the last year or so, either, and not really because of Duck Dynasty...I guess just because my style has changed a lot and so has Isaiah's, and a beard just...fits. It's actually probably because of Portlandia.

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  11. I think the people of the justice system get a little callous, a little shell-shocked, working with criminals, crimes and victims all the time -- so when a new or unique crime crops up, they're dealing with it a little more-clear-eyedly (not a word) or common-sensedly (even more not a word) than the things that have hundreds of years solid of precedence in a court of law -- did you know a woman can get her rapist put away far more assuredly (this one's a word) and for longer by accusing him of indecent exposure? Even if modern PC society claims not to be anti-woman, our historical legal precedents are.

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  12. I've never heard of that scandal! CRAZY! Almost as crazy as that man having to eat his beard. BAH!

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  13. i made tim grow a beard (after look at these pics above i use the term "beard" loosely) for our wedding. it was mostly scruff, but i love a nicely kept beard. amish beards are CRAZY!

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  14. I just.... I just can't accurately comment on this yet. Maybe if we talked it out. But wowzers.

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  15. You'll starting want to ready your beard because doing so is a lot much better to cut any beard when it is clear. The way to achieve this would be to just scrub your beard. When you have completed cleanup the item be sure it truly is entirely dry before you begin clipping the item. Read more http://mordo-crosswords-solution.blogspot.com/2014/06/cut-even-shorter-as-beard.html

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