4.25.2013

this is where I am right now



Kana said this is how she pictures me when she reads my posts. I think it's my spirit animal.
It was so nice to read all your awesome comments about renting and child bearing. Around here, I feel like buying a house is a sort of status symbol, like you've finally become a successful adult once you have a piece of paper telling you how deep in debt you are. I can't tell you how many times I've told people where I live, and they've responded with "oh, you still live in an...apartment? Why haven't you just bought a house already?!" And I want to respond with "oh! I'm so glad you know about our finances! What other major life decisions should we make? Do tell. I'm all ears." Not to mention that the law firm I work at deals with foreclosures, and all day long I see people lose the house they could never afford in the first place. And just because I don't owe the bank tens of thousands of dollars doesn't make me any less successful or any less adultish. SO THERE. Also, dear homeowners, I would like to remind you of something I have that you don't. Something your mortgage will never provide. Something you will cry about into your giant stack of repair bills.

THE MAINTENANCE MAN.

Oh yes. Everything can go wrong, and I don't have to spend a dime. And it will be fixed by the time I get home from work! But hopefully not by the guy who has angry conversations with himself. He gives me the heebie jeebies.

TAKE THAT, HOMEOWNERS.

Do I sound bitter today? I'm sorry. I'm not mincing words at the moment. I lost my shoes this morning, forgot my lunch, couldn't keep my eyes open today, and lately my bra has felt like some sort of medieval torture device. Yes, my bra. MY BRA. I'm being all kindsa frank right now! And more housing options fell through and I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

*******

It's now Thursday morning. I was hoping to sleep off the horribleness that was Wednesday, but it haunted me all night long. I awoke at the satanic hour of 4:30 to the sound of the cat clawing the hamper. Noel and her claws continued their disastrous rampage downstairs, where I could hear them clawing something, but I have yet to figure out what it was. For my sanity, it's probably best I don't find out. After having her way with whatever basket or shoe her claws desired, she ran upstairs, clawed the hamper some more despite my half-dead groans in protest, and then she ended with the big finale: the litter box. The litter box is in the bathroom and only about six feet from our bed. She is literally incapable of using the facilities without clawing and scratching the box for at least ten minutes after, despite how many pillows we've thrown and threats we've screamed. She must continue the sacred ritual of the clawing of the giant plastic crap box. It's the way of her people!

I tried to go back to sleep between claw sessions. I really did. But as soon as I started to drift off again, I would hear *SCRATCHSCRATCHSCRATCH* and a great fiery ball of anger would well up inside of me, causing me to slightly moan in distress but nothing else since it's 4:30 am. So yes, I've been awake since 4:30. 4:30! ISN'T IT JUST GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY??!??!!

Also, I put two contacts in the same eye this morning. So that's where I am right now. 


Yeah, I don't think Kana was off base at all. This is exactly how I feel. 



22 comments:

  1. My cat does the middle-of-the-night scratching too. And then jumps on the bed and lays on my stomach at 5am. No. Just no.

    Unrelated, but have you seen the show "Call the Midwife"? There was a character on the second episode that looks like you!

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  2. Bras ARE torture devices... no matter what anyone says. If it were up to me, I would re-name 5:01pm Monday-Friday "Boob Freedom o'clock"

    You better get to bed early tonight, home slice. After Parks and Rec, though. I'll need you to be awake for that. :)

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  3. you kill me!

    About babies: I had two people in one day tell me they were pregnant this week. then I find out about 5 more people I know are pregnant. and OH THEY ARE ALL DUE THE SAME TIME! wah! Baby fever is real. But, at the same time, just know.. at least when we have babies they will all be busy and so we can be the only ones with babies! :)

    about houses: eh. overrated. I agree, it is hard to wait. it's hard to look around and think, "wow. I am 24 and apparently without a house I am a big loser kid" But... seriously? you are right. I have a plumber coming today to fix our water in our bathtub and I DON'T HAVE TO PAY A DIME OF IT because it's not my house :) Love that. Yeah, it would be nice to not live upstairs. It would be nice to do whatever the heck I want to the place. Heck, it would be nice to have a real designated parking spot that isn't in front of a catholic church and doesn't require me to hate all catholics because they always park in my parking spot when I am not at home. but I digress. It will be worth it one day :) “If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.” - Dave Ramsey. :)

    love you!

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  4. You literally just wrote about the past two days in my life. I'd be weirded out, because even the cat shenanigans are the same? but I'm too relieved it's not just me. I can go back to blaming a full moon or something. I hope you feel better!

    It's funny, because my coupled-up friends in the city get asked "Why are you thinking about buying a house? Why would you ever leave Manhattan!?" So tell those people who ask you rude questions to sthu because you are being COSMOPOLITAN.

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  5. When Goblin uses his tray he kicks that litter like you wouldn't believe!!!
    The funniest thing is when he is 'cleaning/covering it up' and he paws at the floor instead of in his box...or up the wall (that's my favourite) .... THE WALL...
    Ridiculous..

    That picture made me really laugh :)

    And to all those home owners??? Tell em to fuck off!!

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  6. Um. Amen, that's all I have to say.

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  7. Now that we have two cats...the problem is so much worse. I feel for you. The scratching, the hissing, the knocking things over at 2am, the missing of the litter box when peeing (just the boy cat...hmm...) But sometimes the snuggle are worth it. SOMETIMES.

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  8. Last night, Duma kept me awake until well past midnight because he would not calm the freak down. He does the same stupid thing with the litter box...scratching for 10 minutes on GOD KNOWS WHAT because he sure as heck doesn't actually bury his crap.

    And then this thing he does where he scoops food out of his bowl with his paw, and then eats it off the floor. So it's like "rattle rattle CLATTER chomp chomp chomp...rattle rattle CLATTER chomp chomp chomp..." SO IRRITATING

    And then he decided he needed to run downstairs, then run upstairs and leap into the window...running over the top of me...four times in a row.

    Food bowl and litter box are in the laundry room, I imagine about the same distance from our bedroom as your bathroom is from yours.

    I love our cat but sometimes I just want to murder him.

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  9. Dude. I just looked at my little period predictor and I'm due to have that little gift any dang second. I am with you. I think all bras must be staging a revolt right now, because mine is also being evil.

    Our cat digs in his litter box for 15 minutes at a time, and it's the most annoying thing ever.

    At least you have wine to go home to? And my stories?

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  10. Cats have an innate ability to know when you really want sleep and then they completely RUIN it. You're not alone.

    And homeownership is overrated - you are lucky that you could pack up and move anywhere without having to sell a place first!

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  11. I expect Noel to join our link-up next Thursday. Jmeoww will be pleased.

    Shells, you need a nap. I grant you naptime.

    MAINTENANCE MAN always wins. Always.

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  13. I don't have a cat so I can't really relate, but I did have two cats growing up that would decide to descend and ascend our wood stairs (that were right next to my door) almost every night. It's the worst when you're home alone.

    You better eat something really good and fattening for dinner or dessert. You deserve it!

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  14. i'm totally jealous of the maintenance man! we aren't super home improvement savvy, and any time something breaks it's a huge pain - not to mention expensive!

    our cat does the same scratching in the litter box! i always think she got shut in the basement (which is finished, so not scary) then run there to find she's in her box just scratch scratch scratching away. we just installed a cat door on the laundry room (to keep some litter out of the hallway) so now she has the whole laundry room to herself, if she can make it past the dog that is! (he loves her/she hates him). i wish cats could just use the toilet.

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  15. I had no idea how fortunate I was to have the fat sack of cat that is Lola Pants. She would never spend more than a few seconds pawing the sand; that might burn a calorie. Besides, she has more pillow impressions to do.

    You're so funny, posting that - congrats on finding your spirit animal!
    This is mine: https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6788098816/hB6E913EF/

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    1. DINK + Maintenance Man POWERRRR!!!

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  16. Do you know what I'd give for a maintenance man? Yes I have a husband and frankly he tears up more than he fixes grrrr!
    Your story about the cat- Totally why I don't have a pet
    Hope you get some MUCH NEEDED sleep!

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  17. My cat used to do the same thing. She would also paw at the door at night until I would get up and let her in.

    Sometimes I reallly want a cat, then I read/remember things like this.

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  18. You are completely right about the maintenance man! In the last apartment I lived in, the bathroom ceiling caved in (the bathtub above mine was leaking.) I would have no idea what to do if it happened here at my house now. Then, I just called the managers number. Immediately.

    One of my cats meows all the freaking time. Loudly. All night long. (like Lionel Ritchie...)

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  19. Loving the new header! :) Bicycle, bicycle!

    Also, Amelie scratches and digs in the litter box for a ridiculous amount of time as well. It's maddening!

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  20. Stupid home owners can go suck a big one. The nice ones though? They can stay.

    Two contacts in one eye?? Dang girl, that's rough!

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