5.08.2013

I like to think this post is a really awesome infomercial

Today's prompt is to give you all my advice on life. Well, lucky for you, I have quite a bit of advice stored up for moments such as these. I think I'm only supposed to share one, but why stop there?! No, I have many more ways to tell you how to live your life.


picture me yelling at you like the slap chop guy. 

With that, I give to you Michelle's 10 key steps for REVOLUTIONIZING your life.

1. My serious piece of advice, and my number one thing I would tell anyone would be to seek Jesus. He changed my life.

2. If you're unsure about the use of a semicolon, don't use it. Delete that sucker and use a comma instead. When it doubt, pull it out.

3. When you're having a bad day and feel like the world is ending, watch junky reality tv. It will make your life look sparkly. Just maybe not any of the Real Housewives shows, because then you'll hate yourself even more for not having a house like that. But also maybe watch it, because they're crazy.

4. When you're on your period, don't be afraid to toss out your Victoria's Secret wedgie-in-the-form-of-lace and wear granny panties instead. Sometimes your very southern abdominal area just needs a hug in the form of cotton fruit of the loom. Also, wear dark pants. You never know what could happen. Probably nothing, but I'm still scarred from an experience in junior high.

5. Don't take life, or yourself, too seriously. You can't. Find the humor in bad situations as often as you can. It's cathartic.

6. When you're listening to a podcast or music on your phone in public or at work, MAKE ABSOLUTE SURE your headphones are plugged in all the way before pressing play. Let's just say I speak from experience.

7. When stealthily taking pictures of people, make sure the flash is turned off. I learned my lesson in my Brit Lit class in college. I was too enraptured by the plaid pants my professor was wearing to check the flash, and well, you know the rest.

8. Wear higher waisted pants. Not like MOM JEANS UP TO YOUR BELLYBUTTON pants, but don't wear super-duper-low-rise-16-year-old-girl pants for this reason: it's much easier to hide your muffin top and any stomach pudge in higher waisted pants. Trust me. It does wonders.

9. Ladies, are you single and ready to mingle? Are you looking for a cute/slightly nerdy/makes-you-laugh-hysterically kind of guy? Well have I got a solution for you! Wear a Spamalot shirt. I'm not kidding. Whenever there was a guy of this type I wanted to impress/make talk to me, I dug out my trusty Spamalot shirt, and it worked every time. It has a higher success rate than the bend & snap. Nerdy boys like girls who like Spamalot. Also, this is not how I got James. The night I met him, he played guitar, and I have guitar tunnel vision. A guitar to me is a Spamalot shirt to nerdy boys. (Yes, Laura, you can borrow my shirt)

10. Make a 90's playlist. You won't be the same person afterwards. And if you add Smash Mouth, don't feel ashamed or embarrassed.....because, well, they're on my playlist too. All I ask is that you add S Club 7. Trust me.

Now go change your life.

19 comments:

  1. I'm thinking you need to hand that over to me tonight. I'm going to a wedding Friday and am sure the Spamalot shirt will do wonders over the LBD I'm planning on wearing. :) Also, your willingess to loan me your boy-attracting shirt, thus preventing me from the previously inevitable life of a cat lady, is one of many reasons why we're in love.

    PS - hating on you again for getting S Club 7 stuck in my head. First the "Story of a Girl" song, now this. Sigh.

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  2. oh, my gosh. what did your professor do when you took his picture? I MUST KNOW. hah! (tell the story one day?? you always leave out most of the important parts and I'm like AHHH I want to stalk your life? uh, in a totally benign way, of course.)

    100% with you on the wear black pants issue. And also, don't leave the house. I hate going places one my first two days of bleeding out what feels like half by body weight. Give me chips and a video game.

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  3. i absolutely love you and this list! I agree with it all! 100% agree. We are soul friends! and I miss you!!

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  4. OMG S Club 7! Forgot about them. I remember watching their show now. Off to add them to my pre-existing 90s playlist. I think they are the missing piece from making it amazing!

    Love the list. Especially #2.

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  5. THIS IS THE BEST LIST

    THE BEST

    Also, sports shirts work wonders too. I like sports but I don't like them enough to broadcast it on my body all the time-- but sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do YA FEEL ME?

    I have S Club 7 on my shower playlist. It helps me start every morning on the right foot!!

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  6. "When in doubt, pull it out" could be applied to a variety of situations :)

    It's always a sad day when a favorite pair of undies become "period panties" but that just means I can go buy new ones.

    I think I need a Spamalot shirt.

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  7. 2. that's what she said.

    7. HAHAHAHA!!

    this is all very sound advice. And I read it in the tone of the slap chop guy. it almost scared me.

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  8. chick-a-da china the chinese chicken. ya have a drum stick and your brain starts tickin'. watch the x files with the lights on.. something somethin amaze-on?
    ok, i lost it there, turns out i dont know all the words. but now it will be stuck in my head all damn day.

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  9. I just read #2 to my pre ap 1st period.... they didnt laugh... only half understood it, but I got a kick out of it!

    and YES reality TV always makes life better. ALWAYS. mo' money mo' problems

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  10. I don't know what a spamalot shirt is.
    Shoot me.

    But the big pants? I wear them pretty much most days.
    Poor Ben.

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  11. Oh S Club 7! I used to love them so much. Did you watch the TV show?!

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  12. My pants all have a high waist. Helps hide the bulge you know. :)

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  13. Haha, fun advice. I like the idea of the Spamalot shirt. I think a Ron Swanson shirt would be good, too. I have an Anchorman one. Gotta try 'em out!

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  14. Great list and now I desperately want to know what life advice slap chop guy has for us.

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  15. This is fantastic advice. You should be a graduation speaker :)

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  16. "When in doubt pull it out". Well... truer advice hasn't been spoken in a long time. So applicable to everything.

    You know about my playlists. Except, my ipod bit the dust 2 weeks ago, and I won't have money to replace it until after the wedding :(.

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  17. i definitely have a 90s playlist AND and 80s playlist! music isn't what it used to be, that's for sure.

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