5.10.2013

the story of the 3-way call

Today is all about embarrassing moments. Well, my friends, I am never running short on those. My life is just a string of embarrassing moments. I've had many a bikini malfunction (every summer), I've walked around the office with my fly unzipped and wide open (last month), and I've even turned to walk out of my boss's office and walked into a wall instead (2 weeks ago).

I could say a lot of different things for my most embarrassing moment, by I always come back to the same one. I'm sure I've had moments that outweigh it since, but like anyone does with a traumatic event, I've blocked them out. This one is still clearly etched in my memory and still makes me want to hide under a rock if I think about it too long.


I was 13 and in 7th grade. That should be of no surprise to anyone, because 7th grade has been scientifically proven to be the worst year of everyone's life. If you didn't struggle your way through junior high, you're probably a robot. It was especially hard for me, because it was my first year in Ohio, and I was put into a school system where everyone but me had known each other since kindergarten. I was the shy girl with frizzy hair and braces from the west coast who wore a lot of Roxy shirts.

Anyway. It was a Friday night, and I was on the phone with a friend from school, Jo. We had been talking about boys, specifically a boy I had a crush on. For some reason, we wound up with the phone number of his cousin. I don't remember how or why or what our little peanut brains were thinking, but we decided to 3-way call the cousin. I had yet to figure out the complex intricacies of our house phone (remember those? There were dinosaurs too), so Jo said she would handle it. She dialed the number, said no one answered, and switched back to our conversation. We were giggling from the high of calling a boy! and decided it was a good time to share secrets. Nothing crazy, just people we had a crush on, who we would date if we were allowed, and so on and so forth. I gushed about the guy I liked. You know.

About an hour later, we decided to try again. This time, however, was different. The cousin's mom answered the phone, and she had some news for us. TURNS OUT, Jo had accidentally never hung up the line during our first 3-way call. We had left a 5 minute long message on their answering machine (oooo remember those?). The whole family had stood around the answer machine, listening to us divulge our feelings. The lady let me know she had heard all my feelings about her nephew. I don't remember what happened after that (post traumatic stress disorder will do that to you)(maybe this is part of way I'm still scared of the phone?). All I remember is that I never 3-way called again, and I never will.


I would like to give an honorable mention for most embarrassing moment to another horrifying event straight out of 7th grade: the note. I wrote a note to yet another boy I liked, and I asked him if he likes me or Jo better, because you just flirt with both of us but sometimes we make eye contact and I just need to know your feelings, you know? Check yes or no. But as I went to slyly pass the note in the lunch line and dart out of the cafeteria and into the bathroom, my ever perceptive math teacher intercepted the note mid-pass. AND THEN HE READ IT TO THE ENTIRE CAFETERIA.

And I'm still dead inside from embarrassment.

18 comments:

  1. OMG that is awful, I am red in the face just reading that. I think we have all had a moment on the phone similar to that- ugh it's the worst!!
    Helene in Between

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  2. OH MY EVERYTHING, MICHELLE. 7th grade is tuff stuff...wowzer. Wow...zer.

    I've had a few notes intercepted in my day, but luckily they didn't contain anything exciting and no one read them out loud. PROBABLY BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE CUT THEM.

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  3. Oh my goodness - so what happened with the boy?? Did his family tell him about the call?

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  4. MICHELLLLEEEEEEE

    I just want to hug 7th grade you so hard right now.

    Middle school is the literal WORST. Luckily you have prospered and have a wonderful husband and new friends who KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY HANG UP A THREE WAY CALL.

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  5. OMG. Phone nightmares. So many. I was so dumb as a teenager. So dumb.

    I will say though, I would be more embarrassed by your asshole math teacher! Who does that?? :( Jerk! Middle school sucks for everyone. I was just a big hot mess for two+ years. (My hot messiness spilled into high school)

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  6. I am so mortified for your 7th grade self right now. First the answering machine and the cafeteria.

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  7. Oh bless you, I think you're amazeballs!!

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  8. Oh my gosh. I gasped. ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE? Those people are awful people for doing that!

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  9. omg. i'm so embarassed for your 7th grade self. how awful!! that teacher is the worst. and if that mom has any soul she would have deleted it and spared you some embarassment!! ha :)

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  10. 7th grade is stuff of nightmares. 8th too. 9th a little also...

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  11. You're right, 13 is the woooorst!! I've blocked ages 12-15 out of my brain. I'm thinking it probably looks a lot like yours!!

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  12. You win. Oh man, those are both straight out of a movie!!

    I have an embarrassing moment from 6th or 7th grade that involved a 3 way call as well. A girl who claimed to be my friend, called me and asked how I felt about so and so, a mutual girl friend. I told her the truth that I thought she was a stuck up snob. And then I hear ever so quietly, "is that how you really feel about me?" Oh yeah, totally busted. Needless to say, I didn't speak to either of them the entire remainder of middle or high school.

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  13. That's awful! What it is about middle school, it's like puberty automatically involves death by social awkwardness....My one embarrassing story is from middle school as well....

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  14. Reading other people's embarrassing moments makes me super uncomfortable, because I just want to die on their behalf. 7th grade was the worst. I just can't handle thinking about it, and thus I have blocked it out of memory entirely. 6th grade also gets an honorable mention for worst year of my life.

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  15. "That should be of no surprise to anyone, because 7th grade has been scientifically proven to be the worst year of everyone's life. " made me completely laugh out loud. So true. I'm glad you shared this, despite the fact that it really embarrassed you. Embarrassing moments give us so much character. I, too, had a teacher read one of my notes about a boy out loud. I was humiliated, but I never did it again. Lesson learned, ha!

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  16. first of all, i'm sorry about that note being intercepted and read aloud.
    that's terrible. yikes. you must've been mortified!!

    second of all, 'three way' anything is probably never a good thing. ;) heh.

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  17. Oh my gosh...hilarious! I loved running to the answering machine when we'd get home to see if anyone called. Yet another childhood joy my children will never experience!

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