9.19.2013

is there a full moon?

Do you ever have those days where you wake up and just feel...off? Because that was me yesterday. I woke up feeling out of sorts the minute the alarm went off. My very first thought was "there has been a huge mistake." I felt like I had been hit by a truck. And then hit by several more. And then one of them backed up and hit me again. Sleep deprivation, for sure. And also some sort of malfunction in my brain, I'm thinking.

Thirty minutes later I was having a meltdown in my closet over my lack of clothes to wear to work. Apparently not much has changed since I was 15 and couldn't choose between a sea of Hollister and American Eagle shirts, except now I have a sea of v neck tees and the occasional cardigan. We had a rare day where we had to dress up for work and weren't allowed to wear jeans, and my wardrobe is severely lacking in the fancy clothes area, so I threw on a shirt I knew I would inevitably change before I left for work. And I did change - into a white shirt.  The problem is, I completely forgot that I was wearing a turquoise bra. At least I forgot until I was standing in the bathroom at work several hours later and having panic attack when I realized you could see my blue bra under my white shirt like a beacon in the night sky. I looked like a straight up hooker.

The morning continued to go in a similar fashion, and I spent most of it huddled in my swivel chair, trying to hide my wardrobe malfunction. My brain was clearly functioning at half capacity as I made stupid mistake after stupid mistake, one of them being when I said "Hey, Target!" to my coworker. The problem is, his name isn't Target. It's Travis. Why I called him Target, I have no idea. It was not a good morning.

I thought my day had finally been redeemed when I got my favorite email of all emails. THE CAKE DAY email. CAKE DAY is a big deal around these parts; every third Wednesday we all get a piece of cake to celebrate the birthdays that month. I live and die for cake day. We all do. I power-walked downstairs to grab my piece of cake, momentarily forgetting about my blue spotlight of a bra in my moment of cake glory. I walked into the break room where WHO DID I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE but Fob/Bob. THAT'S RIGHT. BOB. The real one, this time! Remember when I said the first and only time I had ever seen him was the day I humiliated myself in his office? Well, I haven't seen him since. Let me help you with the math. The first time I saw him, I basically told him he was an impersonator of himself. The second time I saw him, I was dressed like a lady of the night. He nodded at me in recognition, because who can forget the bumbling fool? I gave him a polite smile and put my head down in shame, grabbed my cake, and got out of the room faster than you can say MORTIFYING. Thankfully he was having a conversation with someone, so I didn't have to be any more polite than I was.

You would think it would end there, wouldn't you? Well you would be wrong. I saw Bob again yesterday afternoon as I stumbled out of the bathroom. I can't wait to see what happens the fourth time I see him.....!

Thankfully my day got better and the amount of caffeine I drank seemed to have counteracted my malfunctioning brain, and I went back to normal. Life was good and I was in a good mood.

And then I updated my iPhone to iOS 7, and all my apps disappeared.

I was horrified.
I was hurt.
I was in shock.
I was in mourning.
I was angsty.
I threw a sock.

But then the funniest thing happened. I swiped my home screen to the get the to next page of apps, where only one was remaining. And then I accidentally swiped it again, where I found several more pages with all my apps. They had been there all along! The sock had been thrown in vain.

Some days are just a little harder than they need to be.




16 comments:

  1. Oh no!! Well at least the phone story had a good ending. And I've totally had moments of completely forgetting what color bra I'm wearing when intending to wear white. So annoying.
    Is it bad that it's only 7:30 in the morning here and I already feel like your yesterday is my today?

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  2. I will never cease to be amazed at your ridiculous antics, girl. When you were talking about how you live for cake day, all I could think of was "pretzel day" on the Office and "sandwich day" on 30 rock. And I know all too well the horror of wearing a colored bra with a white shirt. At least our day got better and your apps were salvaged!

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  3. Oh dear! that does sound like a pretty terrible day. Ahhhhh! I don't think I'm going to update my iphone....

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  4. OH MICHELLE, YOUR LIFE IS THE BEST. I am dying over you accidentally wearing a bright blue bra under a white shirt ON THE DAY YOU RUN INTO FOB AGAIN. What are the chances??!

    LAUGHING FOREVER AT "HEY, TARGET!" I can see your little face doing it. SO CUTE. I'm sure Target didn't even notice. And hey, Target is a pretty cool name!

    CAKE DAY SOUNDS LIKE SUCH A WONDERFUL THING. Get me a job in your office. Get me a cubicle right next to you.

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  5. I hate it when I throw socks in vain.

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  6. I don't want to cross the line, but what kind of girl owns a blue bra? I mean... trashy. Tres trashy. KIDDING. All of mine are black! (and now you know that)

    But seriously...Target? You clearly have Target on the brain - go shopping! It'll make you feel better :)

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  7. That's why I don't wear white shirts! I'm pretty sure if I did, I'd make that mistake on a weekly basis! On the bright side, at least it was cake day!

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  8. I have days like that too. Oh my word they are just all sorts of unfair. Damn that Fob and popping up at inopportune moments.

    I want my work to have cake day, but we have a "wellness committee", so that just isn't ever going to happen.

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  9. Oh! I forgot to mention that I accidentally called my boss "dad" yesterday. So yes, I think there is a full moon.

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  10. A blue bra? YOU MINX.

    I don't even know what a minx is, but you certainly are one.

    At least you got...cake? LOVE YOU.

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  11. I had the same moment with my apps... WHERE DID THEY GO? Oh, wait, I'm dumb.

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  12. This is hilarious. Lady of the night had me cracking up. I hate when you realize you've made a regrettable wardrobe decision after you've already arrived at work. Like the time I wore pants that I had accidentally shrunk in the dryer. And had to walk around all day with brown wool pants that ended four inches above my ankle.

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  13. And that...is why I literally never go without a tank top underneath my shirts.

    <--------- paranoid.

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  14. Lady of the night. Lol! I have done the accidental dressing of wearing a colored bra under a white shirt move before...It was years ago but I still remember it and am still mortified when I think about a guy in my class pointing it out. Thanks, dude.

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  15. I love your writing. I love that you also have awkward moments (and that you aren't afraid to share them). I love this post. I had a very crappy day yesterday and I needed it as a reminder that yes, we all do, and you just have to laugh about it a little.

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