stuff my mother-in-law says
In true southern fashion, she is dressed to the nines at all time. She drove 12 hours in a maxi dress (not the comfy cotton kind--the kind you would wear to a wedding) and heels. When I commented on how nice she looked for such a long day of driving, she replied: "Well I cain't wear my britches 'n drive!"
Talking to James while he searches for an app on her phone: "Are you spelling it right? Because I never spell anything right. I just make things up as I go along."
MIL: "I want to dye my hair mahogany red with black stripes."
Me: "Red with black highlights?"
MIL: "No, not highlights, you know, stripes. Like how girls get those stripes of different color in their hair. I want black stripes."
Talking about the lack of parking spots at the beach: "We rode around forever, but there were no parks. I couldn't find a park."
Me: "....no parking spots?"
MIL: "Nope, no parks. Totally full of people."
Talking about the guy she just started dating:
"He's really nice, and I like him a lot. He reminds me of my cousin Steve."
"Your apartment is much bigger. It feels like you have a bathroom."
Referring to the GPS: "The computer only tells you to go the way you go."
"I like that song by that black girl from American Idol. Beyonce, I think."
"Is Chipotle an Indian grocery store?"
"I believe everyone who works at the mall is gay."