My alarm went off yesterday morning, and I sat up in bed. Strike that. It went off, I hit the snooze, laid in bed staring at the ceiling, and then I sat up in bed. And you know what happened? The room was spinning around me. I thought "hmm, I know I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night, but this is weird." I walked into the bathroom headed for the shower, except I walked into the sink. I couldn't walk in a straight line. I tumbled and had to hold on to things to make it to the shower. And then in the shower, I kept losing my balance and had to constantly grab on to things so I wouldn't fall over. "Maybe I just need some coffee. This must just be some wicked sleep deprivation," I thought to myself. But then, but then! But then the nausea hit me like a truck. I stumbled out of the shower, wrapped my fuzzy robe around me, and climbed into bed thinking another hour or two of sleep would cure me and I could go to work.
And then I woke up and felt worse than ever, but I was still determined to make it work, because I have an 8 hour workday and only 7 (SEVEN, CRAP) hours of PTO left for the year. So I had no choice. I sat at the table with my slightly damp bed head while wearing a fuzzy robe and socks. A poster child for a Folger's commercial. Or a hungover college student, but whatever. I took a bite of my peanut butter toast and thought I totally got this. I scrolled through webpages on my laptop, when suddenly the motion of the scrolling gave me another attack of dizziness and nausea, and I fell to the floor in an effort to not lose my breakfast, thinking it would all pass quickly. But pass it did not. I would move my leg, and the motion would make me pray to everything holy that I would not puke, because I was stuck on the floor by the table with nowhere to puke but on the carpet.
And I thought, holy crap. I know exactly what this is. VERTIGO. Not the awesome Hitchcock movie, but the inner ear problem. I had it in 8th grade, and I will never ever forget how horrible it was. I couldn't eat or even move my head until my dad gave me a magic pill that made me feel completely normal in 30 minutes. So as soon as I felt I could speak without my breakfast coming back up, I called my boss to see if I can take my 7 hours and make up my extra hour later this week. I told her I'm dizzy and nauseous and completely able to drive or stand up (and now I guarantee they think I'm pregnant). Turns out, I cannot make up my extra time. But thankfully I have a good boss who told me to go back to bed, and I was so grateful I started crying. Inner ear problems will do strange things to you. Then I called my dad to find out what magic pill he gave me 11 years ago. And that conversation made me so nauseated I called James and begged him to come home, because if I moved an inch I was going to destroy the carpet.
I laid on the carpet, shivering with my damp hair and in my bath robe for an hour. I tried to plan a way to get in bed with my flannel sheets, but any and all movement sent me over the edge. Even twitching my hand or opening my eyes sent another wave of dizziness through me. It was the most miserable hour of my life. James finally got home and gave me Dramamine to help me until he could get me the good stuff (which turns out is just a slightly stronger version of Dramamine). I saw no end in sight to my misery, so with James' help, I crawled through the living room with my head in a plastic Kroger bag, just waiting for the nightmare to come. As soon as I got to the top of the stairs, I lost my breakfast. And the breakfast before that, and the breakfast before that. I pretty much barfed everything I've eaten in the last year in much the same I way I puked on several different airplanes and rental cars on vacation 4 years ago. It was one of those moments in marriage that proves to me that my husband really does loves me. If he can hold my bed head hair back while I shake and puke all over everything, we can get through anything. Vertigo: good for your marriage, bad for your PTO. On a semi-related note, peanut butter tastes the same coming out as it does going in. (Sorry.)
But a magic pill, a four hour nap, and some ramen noodles later, I'm good as new. And by that I mean I stopped puking, the room is only slightly spinning, and I can hold a conversation without it making me sick.
I wanted to have Veteran's Day off, but this was totally not the way I wanted to go about it.