1.08.2014

the tuesday curse STRIKES AGAIN!

I don't know if you know this, but I suffer from a malady known as the Tuesday curse. A case of the Tuesdays, if you will. I was self-diagnosed two years ago when my horrible boss forced me to go to an "optional" work book club on Tuesdays for 12 weeks. It was during my lunch break (my only time to hide in my car, eat cheese, and read DECENT books), 100% mandatory, and it took place in a frigid basement and led by an old man with the IQ of Justin Beiber. We read an outdated book from the 1980s about how to be a better person, and if you've read any of my snark, I think you know how I feel about self-help books.

That book club ruined Tuesdays for me, and they have been murderous ever since. I thought the curse was broken when I took my current job, but I still have the occasional Tuesday flare-up that reminds me that it's never fully gone. Tuesdays are like the auto-immune disorders of life; you can treat the symptoms, (with coffee and chocolate) but they'll always be there. Lurking in the shadows.

Yesterday was one of those days. Was it an actual bad day? No. Probably not. Well, sorta, but by actual bad day standards, it wasn't. It was more of a Tuesday flare-up, much like when there's a full-moon and everything goes to hell. It was a SUPER DRAMATIC day. I know, these are HASHTAG FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS. But guess what! I live a first world life, and these are my first world problems.



It all started when my alarm went off at 5:01 am. If THAT isn't bad enough, my alarm roused me from a literal nightmare that my boss hired a bunch of people I graduated high school with. I KNOW. Do I even need to say more? I feel like I could wrap this post up now and you all would understand why I call it a bad day. It was truly the one of the most vivid dreams of my life. My alarm went off right at the part where girls from high school were holding hands and frolicking around the office and I was sobbing in the corner. All those emotions carried over, and I stumbled out of bed full of hate and rage and exhaustion from being so upset all night.

I made a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch, but since it was Tuesday, my body decided to become immune to caffeine. I'm a semi-morning person, but I wasn't feeling any more awake and my mood was only getting worse. A work out was out of the question. I mentally tried to redo my morning over and over, but something interrupted my calm every time, like realizing my Christmas bonus is a bit smaller than I thought because HELLO TAXES I forgot to factor in (and this is why I'm the only one in my family without a Business degree). Next it was when I discovered James packing his lunch using the veggie burgers I was going to heat up for dinner, since I could already tell I was in no mood for cooking. I got in the shower and got ready for work, still THOROUGHLY distraught over my dream. It was just one of those dreams that was completely ridiculous yet managed to put me in a funk that I was never able to shake off.

I was mad at myself for skipping a work out, but I figured I would just get to work super early instead so I could get off early and spend most of the evening reading in bed (my personal heaven). It was 7:15 when I walked out the door and into NEGATIVE TWENTY SIX degree wind chills (I have the weather app screenshot to prove it! But I would never do that to you guys). I walked the 20 second walk to my car and hopped inside, dying to crank up the seat warmers. Except guess what! IT WON'T START. The car won't start! Dead battery! Cause of death? POLAR VORTEX. It got so flapping cold it killed my battery. Instead of crying in the car, I ran inside to cry because even though it had been 5 minutes, I was already completely numb from the waist down. I know you're all sick of hearing about the OMG HISTORIC ARCTIC FRIGID POLAR VORTEX FREEZE us Midwesterners are dealing with, but YOU go outside when the temperature is -10 and the windchill is -40 (Monday night!) and tell me how you feel when every ounce of you goes from toasty warm to completely numb in less than 20 seconds. AND when it kills your car! 

So I went in while James was all no biggie! I'll just jump the battery! and I planted myself on the couch and tried to recover from frostbite. I hadn't eaten breakfast yet, because I had planned on making it at work. My stomach was growling when James came back and told me hey guess what! Your car still won't start. It's too cold! LOL sry. I spent the next 10 minutes deciding if I should just call off and go back to bed because CLEARLY this was not my day, or if I should just carpool with James and suck it up. I sucked it up ONLY because I don't want to run out of PTO again and have to call my boss crying while on the floor suffering from Vertigo. But whatever. James' car started, much to our secret disappointment (all we wanted was a snow day...), and I got to work. An hour later than I had planned. Where I finally got to eat my breakfast, except my tumbler full of coffee had gotten cold. The nerve.

There's a famous phrase from Forest Gump that goes something along the lines of "Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get." I think what he meant was more along the lines of "checking your work email is like a box of chocolates." Opening my Microsoft Outlook every morning is the most stressful moment of my day. Sometimes I get a shout-out from my boss, and sometimes I'm cc'd on an email thread 20 messages deep that has nothing to do with me yet has somehow become my problem. Yesterday morning it was multiple "URGENT! URGENT! RED ALERT! THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE LAST YEAR!" emails. Fun! 

The rest of the day went in similar fashion. Ok maybe it got a little better, even though all day long I fought to stay awake and kept having dream flashbacks and thinking the girl from 11th grade English was about to sit next to me. 

And yeah, ok, I finished the night watching Sherlock by the fire, but still. It was a hard day. And no, my car STILL won't start because it is still colder than a death glare from the Dowager Countess. 

Tuesdays.

 Ugh.

16 comments:

  1. Dude. Dude. That is totally a horrible day. And that damn polar vortex is stirring up bad Tuesdays, because yesterday was just straight up awful, no two ways about it. At least take comfort in knowing that you weren't the only one suffering yesterday. I was right there with you the whole damn time.

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  2. "Your car still won't start. It's too cold! LOL sry." LITERALLY MY LIFE THIS WEEK. We need to move in with Tiff.

    I have said it before, but every morning when I open my email at work I wince as if I am bracing for impact. Somehow I end up with 50..EVEN THOUGH I was one of the last ones to leave the night before and one of the first ones in the next day. I don't know where it all comes from. PARALEGAL PROBLEMZ. I know you feel me, sista.

    TWO MONTHS. TWO MONTHS until we are braving the elements (hopefully warmer ones) on the streets of NYC!!

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    1. I didn't even see your comment about moving in with Tiff when I left mine! Hashtag, great minds.

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  3. Michelle...I know I shouldn't be laughing, but, "But guess what! I live a first world life, and these are my first world problems." & "hey guess what! Your car still won't start. It's too cold! LOL sry." have me dying. And I needed a good laugh this morning, so thank you!

    Ugh, I remember you terrible Tuesdays. I'm sorry that they seemed to have found you again. I've tried not to complain about how cold it is here, because I know it's even colder where you are. Let's move to California and live with Tiff. Kelsey can come, too.

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  4. When that Arctic freeze was over Utah for a couple weeks there, it killed the battery to my car. Like, dead, gone, done-zo. You can get it started by jumping it, but even now that it's warmed up a little, it still won't start by itself.

    I too, hate deep freezes, Tuesdays and people from high school I know.

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  5. I couldn't imagine that cold. I would use all my time off & just hide. well you survived Tuesday! woo! on to Wednesday... closer to Friday... even better.

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  6. You're a better person than me. I would've given up at 5:02.

    In other news "But guess what! I live a first world life, and these are my first world problems" has got to be one of the best lines I've ever read on a blog post haha

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  7. Tuesdays suck ass.

    I will just be over here in London sending you tonnes of love and hugs and the hope that next Tuesday blows your fucking socks off. In a good way of course!

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  8. I seriously can't imagine what you Midwesterners/East Coasters are doing with that weather! Oh I know, just move to California okay?? I think it's supposed to be 70 today, which I'm kind of annoyed about because this isn't winter weather!

    I'm sorry you had a bad tuesday. If I were you, I would've stayed home, but somebody's gotta make that money honey! I hope your Wednesday is A LOT BETTER.

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  9. Cause of death? POLAR VORTEX. - this PV betch needs to slow her roll already.

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  10. WHAT SHERLOCK IS BACK??? or are you on season two.

    hugs girl! I wish I could just slap on a penguin suit and stroll into your workplace and pretend to be a singing candygram for you. you know, to embarrass you. and to make your day better.

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  11. Tuesday is grossly underrated for the amount of suckiness it can hold. Monday always gets the glory.

    Hoping your Wednesday was better.

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  13. The chemical reactions inside of batteries take place more slowly when it's cold. Therefore, it has less energy to work with when it tries to start the engine, and this causes the engine to crank slowly. It's best to consult your mechanic and let them install a block heater for your car. :)

    @CapitolHillExxon

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  14. IT WAS TOO COLD FOR CARS?!? Insane. INSANE.

    And now I will leave you with a quote that Justin always tells me: "Well at least you aren't being dramatic about it." <--WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

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  15. Starting the day with a broken car? Not a good sign. I would have probably gone back in and just curled up in bed. Haha! Good thing you were able to get it to start up and get stuff done the rest of the day. Hopefully it didn’t happen every morning while it was still freezing cold.

    Jimmy

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