4.01.2014

things that make me feel wildly awkward that shouldn't

1. Shopping at a store while wearing something I obviously bought there. Is this a weird thing to feel awkward about? I think it is. This happens to me all the time, and I'm usually wearing the ONE thing I bought there, and it's all just unfortunate timing. I feel like when this happens I have #OBSESSED hashtagged all over me, and I never want to be that person.

2. Getting carts unstuck at the grocery store. You know how you have to pull them apart to grab one before you shop? I can never pull them apart. I always grab the ones superglued together, and someone is always waiting behind me, and then I get the nervous sweats, and they have to watch while I try to pull apart all the carts and fail miserably. I pulled on two so hard on Sunday that they flew apart and rolled over my toes.

3. People who whine about people getting married. Specifically, when they whine about it to me, a married woman. This happens more than you would think. Every time someone tells me they hate that their friends are married or engaged, I sit in an awkward silence waiting for them to realize who they're saying this to, but they never do. I wouldn't tell someone with a baby that I'm sick of people our age having kids (I'm not, but it's ok to not interrupt me at work to tell me about the oatmeal they ate for breakfast yesterday) unless I wanted to ruin her day and/or our friendship. We're in our 20s. These are the things that happen. Get over it.

4. Knowing when to hold the door open for someone. I need a flashing signal once someone is an acceptable distance away so you know when to hold the door. A subtle beep, a line on the floor, a gang sign, anything. Otherwise, if you hold it too soon, the other person feels obligated to half sprint/half power walk, then I feel bad for making them rush when I was just trying to be polite. I don't ever want anyone to think I'm rude, but I also don't want to make life awkward for anyone because I do that enough as it is.

5. When people ask what I'm reading. Is that weird? It is. It doesn't happen every time; it depends what I'm reading and who's asking. Something about it makes me feel weird and vulnerable and like I need to give a disclaimer for reading yet another book about the amish or WWII. It's like telling people the name you picked out for your baby before they're born (it's not like that at all); people will not hesitate to tell you their opinions and how much they dislike it and then ask you why on earth you would consider reading that book/naming your kid that awful name that reminds them of someone from 3rd grade who made them cry once. And then you're left sitting there feeling emotionally violated and wishing you had never said anything in the first place.


12 comments:

  1. number three.......why? haha. I have married people with kids ask me "don't you feel weird being married without kids?

    I always say "no." and they always looked shocked.

    That leads me to wonder what their problem is. I wouldn't ask them if they feel weird being married with kids.

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  2. I ALWAYS stress out about wearing clothing back to the store I bought it in!! ALWAYS. Last weekend I went into Target dressed ~head to toe~ in Target and I was stress-sweating the entire time. I have the most guilty conscience. Looks like we both do!!

    One of my coworkers walks past me EVERY.SINGLE.DAY when I eat lunch and read in our break room and asks me what I'm reading, what it's about, have I read X book by Y author because it's 'similar' to what I'm reading-- and I HATE IT. I want to say, "I ~WAS~ reading this until you interrupted me"... but I never have the guts to do it.

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  3. Much like Kelsey, I walk into Target looking like an advertisement for the store. They should start paying me!

    re: #4 - I found a picture online describing how close is close enough to hold the door for someone, and how far away is too awkward. I'm going to search for it now. It was perfect.

    re: #5 - I hate when my co-workers ask me what I'm watching on my iPad during lunch. It's usually a YouTube video, but I lie and say it's The Office.

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  4. #1 happened to me yesterday. I walked in the store and realized the pants AND shirt I was wearing were purchased from there last year. At first I was embarrassed and then I convinced myself that they should love me, I spend money there. I should be a VIP shopper or something!

    I HATE it so much when people ask me what I'm reading while I'm reading it. Mostly because they really don't care, it's just something to talk about. Also because if I wanted to talk I'd close my book and talk. Usually when this happens I show them the cover for 3 seconds and continue reading. They usually get the point and go away. And if I want to discuss books I only discuss them with other book people because non-book people just don't get it.

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  5. the awkward half sprint / half power walk is the worst. i know you're trying to be kind and hold the door open for me mr. but i am a grown woman i can open it myself... one time i even tripped on the stairs while power walking to get to the door a guy was holding open for me and then i felt extra embarrassed by it all.

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  6. #2: PET PEEVE. Why do they get stuck? Did the dummy who used it before not push it into the other cart correctly? Is it broken? Or am I just stupid and can't figure out how to pull them apart?!!?

    #4: I need to know the answer to this too. How close/far away is acceptable? What's rude?

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  7. #2 = My life.

    #4. I NEED THIS TOO. Why isn't there a beep of some sort. Related: I think that people in the south are actually taught this because in the almost year I've lived in TX I cannot recall a single time I had to do the half run thing... but I have made people do it. Shit, Michelle. Maybe this is why I have no friends here.

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  8. 1. YES! I get all flustered like, will they notice? When did I buy this shirt anyway? OMG.
    2. Our carts at the store are always stuck. I've figured out the trick to getting them undone, for the most part.
    5. I feel like I'm embarrassed about the book I'm reading. Which I shouldn't. Unless it's 50 Shades of Grey...

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  9. THE CARTS!! The worst is when you have to start shaking and jiggling them up and down. Or when someone comes up to the stack next to you and gets the cart right away. So awkward.

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  10. Are you me?!?

    1. I do this ALL. THE. TIME. Worse is that my husband is always with me, and he points it out. "Hey, Sarah. Didn't you buy those pants here? You shop here a lot." and then he laughs. He's mean.

    2. The only time the carts stick for me is when people are standing all around me, I have a screaming toddler in my arms and my 3 year old is telling strangers, "I have a vagina. Do you?" While I stand there like a moron, trying to loosing the super glue holding the cars together.

    3. I get the, "People who have lots of kids are so irresponsible. Don't they know how a condom works? You can even get them free at the clinic! Idiots." Then they look at my big pregnant belly, and my 2 other rug rats and it's just really awkward.

    4. I'm Canadian. We're really polite. So we ALWAYS hold the door open. Even if the person is too far away and they have to run. And they will run. Because they are too polite not to.4

    5. I read all the time, but hate telling people what I'm reading. What if they think it's childish, or stupid, or boring? What if they judge me? What if they make fun of me? What if they beat me up and steal my book?

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  11. The thing about reading. This is such a story of my life, because it's either a lame Accounting text book, or something trashy and moderately embarrassing.

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