4.28.2014

weekend things

+ I don't like shopping. I just don't. It's stressful, there are lines and crowds and people. There are steamy dressing rooms and exorbitant prices and no parking spots. I always seem to be hungry and I always have to pee. Maybe I once was, but I am no longer the girl who likes to go shopping. It involves a level of emotional strength and maturity I do not possess. Shopping, to me, is a chore. A necessary evil. Just a few steps above the grocery store. Walking into a store is like being around an enemy. I have my guard up, always on the defensive, just waiting to be offended.

But the weather is getting warmer, and my sweaty legs wrapped in skinny jeans told me it was time to pick up the smashed and broken pieces of my pride and confidence from last month's mall fail and try to find something to wear this summer just one more time and if that doesn't work, we'll move to Antarctica or somewhere where it's never hot I promise. So I sucked it up and tried again.

AND. SUCCESS. sort of.

It took three years of angst and tears, but this girl is now the proud owner of TWO pairs of shorts. THAT FIT (and DO NOT have hot pink embroidered flowers and anchors). I will still try my darndest  to not have to wear them, but I feel that I can finally allow summer to happen, I can now mentally pack for my trip to North Carolina, and I can be a little less miserable about it.

But come near me with a bathing suit and I will slap the sun right out of your sky.

+ It's time for the weekly grocery store update. (My life, right? I know.)

This conversation happened in the produce section yesterday:

Employee: "Hi, how are you today?"
Me: "Good, thanks, how are you?"
Employee: "I'm great!"
Me: "Thank you!"


I mean. Just. What was I thinking? My shopping cart and I peeled away faster than my car out of the parking lot at 5 pm. Once I finally looked up again, I saw a guy from work. Thankfully no one that I know, but still. I recognized him, and that's close enough. How dare he. I tried dodging him as much as possible, but no matter what I did, we always wound up in the same aisle trying to avoid eye contact with each other. Plus, I feel so weird and vulnerable when people look into my shopping cart. My cart is the window to my soul. These are the things that quite literally make me who I am (mainly cheese). They are the treasurers inside of my treasurer box (the fridge). AVERT YOUR EYES (and stop judging me for all these boxes of popped chips because I cannot and will not stop myself).

And then I ran into produce man again, and he asked me if he could help me find anything. 

"Yes, please. My dignity. I believe I left it over by the bananas." 

The cashier later told me they will be rearranging the entire store again shortly. She explained the reasoning behind it and even told me why they've had the paper towels by the black beans (FINALLY SOME ANWERS), and as grateful as I was for this information, it did nothing to keep my knees from buckling at the prospect of relearning the store I still haven't learned since the last upheaval. Be on the lookout for more twitter meltdowns on the subject, as I have nothing else to whine about at the moment. 

+ Picture this: me, laying (lying? I'll never know) on my bed. A lack of pants (don't picture that), the windows open with the 70 degree breeze blowing the grey curtains, and music playing. A perfect Sunday afternoon. I listened to a lot of good music this weekend. Laundry Room and January Wedding by The Avett Brothers are my current drugs of choice, but Ingrid Michaelson's new album is perfection and needs to be blasted while driving down the highway. You know how some wines are best served with certain foods? I feel that way about music. Some is best listened to in the car, others at home with the windows open, and some while dancing in the kitchen. 


And now it's Monday morning, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry at my desk.

15 comments:

  1. I own two pairs of shorts and I'm pretty much hoping they last me the rest of my life because you're right...shorts shopping is only slightly removed from swimsuit shopping...

    ReplyDelete
  2. That Michael Scott picture is literally my reaction to EVERYTHING, always. Even when I am talking to someone I know, I always get flustered and mess up and make faces like that and wonder why I ever left bed in the first place. SAMESIES. Yesterday I was talking to a friendly cashier about Bruce Springsteen (because I have limited interests) and I told him I was going to a concert of his in a couple weeks, and as I was walking out he goes.. 'have fun at the show!' and I go "you too!!"... this was literally seconds after he told me he WASN'T GOING. I speed-walked (sped-walk?) to my car in shame.

    I saw Ingrid open for Mat Kearney a couple years ago and she was AMAZING- I will have to listen to her new stuff!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. re: Kelsey's classic, "You too!" ...I CAN RELATE TO SAYING STUPID STUFF TO PEOPLE. Especially when I'm out to eat and the waiter says, "Enjoy your meal!" and I respond with, "You too!" WHATEVER. I'M POLITE. Just not always CORRECT.

    I agree re: the music. Some songs are meant to be listened to at full blast, while you're driving down the highway, with your windows open. Case in point, "Father of Mine" by Everclear.

    THIS POST MAKES ME MISS YOU.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Congrats on your shopping win! The Clothes one, the grocery thing sounded awkward :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Please tell me where you got the shorts. I hate shorts and try to avoid them at all costs, and I know we share in that same hatred. So, help a sister out. But girl, that's why maxi skirts and dresses were invented. Rock those all summer long instead. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. ok all of the things here i need to talk about.
    1) where did you get shorts that fit, because i need some in my life
    2) WHY do they keep the paper towels by the black beans?
    3) January Wedding top 2 /3 favorite AB songs? so many too choose, not sure i can narrow it down.
    4) i am that person that luikes to look at what other people put in their carts
    5) have you seen the video to Ingrid's new single? It's interesting...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I feel exactly the same way about shopping. I hate it..the prices, the people, the stress. It's a slightly chubby introverts worst nightmare! That's why I stick to Target for all the things ;) and YES the grocery cart is like the a window to the soul! Don't look at my garlic paste and copious amounts of peanut butter! Me and my husband do nothing to push each other out of out comfort zone either. The other day we spotted our next door neighbor at the grocery store and we collaborated on a avoidance plan keeping an eye on her the whole time. It was a tad ridiculous. And ended it with checking out at the U-scan. Zero human contact FTW.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I threw out all of my shorts when I got married. I own two pairs of capris for hiking, and wear skirts the rest of the time.

    I bought my bathing suit from walmart. It works for YMCA swimming, where I float and pretend to swim laps.

    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't wear shorts in the summer either unless I *must*. And shopping for them is pure torture.

    I absolutely agree; some music is best in the car, some is best with the windows open on a weekend afternoon, and some for cleaning, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wait. Was it THE guy from work???

    Where did you find your shorts?

    ReplyDelete
  11. yay shorts! let's thank the Old Navy gods for deciding to change up their cuts/fits/whatever-fashion-term-goes here because my self-esteem took a serious blow otherwise.

    And yes! there's definitely more appropriate times for certain music.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I went grocery shopping today, and totally felt like I was being judged for my cart contents. Well yes, I do have three containers of ice cream in my cart. BREYERS IS ON SALE OKAY??? Then I felt like I lingered too long in the booze section. People kept coming and going and I'm sure they thought I was planning some epic drunken party. Really I was just trying to find chocolate liqour so I could make a boozy milkshake. Okay, maybe some of the judgments were deserved.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I hate shorts with a passion, but I always feel obligated to own at least one pair that fits decently. I would much rather wear skirts and maxi dresses every day, because, hello, not pants.

    I almost always refuse to try clothes on, because fitting rooms creep me out. I mean... they tell you they're recording your every move, and that just makes the whole process intolerable for me. Nobody, not even the lord above, needs to see my inner thighs under fluorescent lighting. And the idea that there is footage of me like that??? No thanks.

    I used to love the grocery store, back when I was single and went to the store at 10 at night when the place was deserted. But now that I'm old, married, and responsible, and the only legitimate time that I can go is on Sundays with the post-church crowd, I want to gouge my eyes out.

    ReplyDelete
  14. YAY SHORTS! Tell me more! I purchased a bathing suit. A high waisted one. And I am worried I am too old for it. I'll update you on my age-problems as soon as that suit arrives and I try it on and lock myself in the bathroom.

    IT HAS BEEN TO LONG SINCE I HAVE BEEN HERE BRB READING ALL THE THINGS.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I want you and Fran to come over and we can wear shorts and not judge each other.

    ReplyDelete

Talk to me! If your email is linked to your account, I'll respond to you via email. If not, I'll respond to you right here.