life lately

On Sunday I planted a tiny little herb garden on my balcony. Cilantro, oregano, and parsley in bright turquoise planters on my grey and white balcony, complete with string lights and a bright green chair and the littlest succulent, just for good measure. It's my own little test project for the garden I want someday, where my entire house and yard won't have only southern exposure, and I won't have to pray for enough sun for my little herb seeds.

James and I went for a walk in the neighborhood behind ours last night, and there was a woman standing in her yard in shorts and rain boots, watering her freshly mulched flowerbeds overflowing with pink flowers. I told James to get a good look, because that's his future. I get jazzy about things like yard work and gardening. There's something cathartic in it. I looked forward to weekends in the summer as a kid so I could work in the yard all day with my dad. It felt comforting to watch this woman in what I hope my life will be like one day: a cute little house, some flowerbeds, a garden, and a deck. That's all I need.

I've had a lengthy string of bad days recently, for no particular reason. Just part of the ebb and flow of life. My favorite coworker put in his notice and finally told me yesterday, and it fed my growing discontentment with sitting at a desk all day clicking buttons on a computer like a mindless drone. So I thought about my herb babies back home and wondered how they're doing. Are they getting enough sun? Are they thirsty? Are they thinking about me? I wanted to go home and check on them, and then curl up on my green chair with a book and ignore the world and put a stop to the bad days. When I have bad days or feel peopled out, I tend to hole myself up at home, cut off the world, and speak only to my family. It's drastic to some but standard operating procedure for me. It's how I recharge and gear myself back up. I'll eventually throw my attention into something: an 80s movie marathon, reading, or cooking. But lately it's been gardening. At least the kind of gardening I can do without a yard.

I've been watching Gilmore Girls recently. Rory just told Dean she doesn't want to hang out on a Friday night so she can have the house to herself to watch TV and do laundry and be a hermit. A few episodes ago she got in trouble for reading at lunch instead of socializing, and she fought the headmaster, explaining that she has friends, but on her lunches she wants to be left alone to read and recharge. She speaks to my soul and will forever be my favorite character on TV, because she's so much like me. She comforted me in high school, she comforted me in college, and she comforts me now. I've felt a lot like her lately. I do love going out in the city or meeting a friend, but I also love coming home to my little oasis. It's good to know that even when life gets overwhelming, I can come home to my little bubble, water my pink begonias, pet my cat, and go on a walk with James. 

And now I have the perfect excuse to turn down plans. Sorry, I can't go out this weekend. I have to water my cilantro. 


  1. That is the perfect weekend excuse!! I just finally got comfortable with saying no to late night plans because always I'd really rather stay in.

  2. "I get jazzy about things like yard work and gardening" You are an adorable little old lady trapped inside of a young woman's body. I LOVE IT. As always, we are the same. I feel you on this.

    ALSO, cilantro is my FAVORITE. Please make sure that baby is growing strong until August so I can sniff it for the whole weekend. :)

  3. It's okay to be a homebody! I have my days where I just wanna stay home


  4. I'm having an emotional reaction to those pictures for some reason - I love them!

    I've thought about having a garden...but my parents do, and so I just run over to their house, steal some lettuce and a pepper or two, and take off into the night.

    Remember when I've never reallllyyyy watched Gilmore Girls? Just a few random episodes here and there. But don't worry, I WILL NOW!

  5. i can't wait to have my own yard and flowers and garden. My mom has a million flowers and my grandpa has a garden. And I want it all. I want to be outside and take care of things (that won't be the end of the world if they do happen to die) less stressful that way

  6. Will you help me find a way to get pumped about yardwork?! I love the idea of having a garden, but no motivation to actually make it happen lol!

  7. I have to water my cilantro! I'm totally using that one. I've caught the gardening bug too, I planted a little herb garden on my porch and hopefully will get the veggies in this week. I've always waaaanted to be someone who found gardening cathartic but this is the only time it's actually been true. I've been spending as much time out there as possible which has basically been between thunderstorms here in the mitten. I hope you have a better day today, but I totally understand being "peopled out". Rory knows what's up. Nothing wrong with knowing what gets you back on track, that's why I've been holed up reading Divergent and avoiding all human contact this past week ;)

  8. I would kill to be reading on my patio with a glass full of arnold palmer. That sounds divine.
    Sorry that your favorite coworker is leaving... :(


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