7.01.2014

when books are bad for you

I don't know if you know this, but yesterday was Monday.

That has nothing to do with anything, but I just thought I'd remind you.

I woke up to a very messy apartment yesterday. Yesterday, which was Monday. Would you like to know why? It's because I was too busy reading to clean. It all started when I went to the pool and brought Gone Girl with me. I was only a few chapters in, and I wanted to read it so I could get to the rest of my stack. Well. I understand now what people mean when they said it messed with their brain and they could not put it down. I got so into it at the pool that I lost all track of time, and I was outside twice as long as I thought I was. The problem with that is SUNSCREEN. I sprayed some on beforehand, and as long as I reapply or go back in within in an hour, I get a smidge of color, a small explosion of freckles, but no burn. And honestly? I usually don't make it for longer than an hour for one or all of the following reasons:

1. The sun.
2. The heat.
3. The sweat.
4. The sun.
5. Squealing drunk girls in heart-shaped sunglasses.
6. The sun.
7. The occasional screaming child bellowing for someone to get his or her goggles from the bottom of the pool.
8. The sun.
9. The lack of air conditioning.
10. The sun.

If you've seen my skin in person, you understand. I am a befreckled Snow White, like Snow White's irish cousin: full of freckles, a hint of red in the hair, and a temper to match. But let's get back to my story. It was partly cloudy, there was a breeze, and aside from two grown men playing with a Dora the Explorer beach ball, it was calm enough for me to get lost in a book. Which required me to get lost into my vat of aloe later.

It's not that bad of a burn. It's enough to make me a little uncomfortable in the shower, but not enough to require a strapless bra. I have splotchy burns surrounding my bathing suit straps, so, you know, good job spray-on sunscreen! You never know where that stuff lands until you have a polka-dotted chest the next day.

pale people against summer

The sunburn isn't the point of this story, though. However I did come him from work yesterday, which was Monday, to discover HIVES on my sunburn. Hence the itching! Sun allergies, so fun!

MY POINT IS, I got so distracted by this book that I accidentally sort of charbroiled a little bit of myself. I came inside and showered and was like I'm gonna clean every inch of this place as soon as I eat that leftover quesadilla, but then I saw the book seducing me on the corner of the couch (read me like one of your French girls, it said to me) and before I knew it I was like Eve taking a bite of the apple in the Garden of Eden, aka my Ikea sectional.

And except to relieve myself of the several iced coffees I pounded, I did not move from the couch until 9:30 pm when I read the last page. I forgot to clean. I forgot to make lasagna! I forgot to put the underwear in the dryer. Bless James all the days of his life, because he finished the laundry for me and then made me mac and cheese so I could continue to figure out what kind of acid Gillian Flynn must've been tripping on. And after I finished the book, I went upstairs and started another one. Because a 400 page psychological thriller apparently wasn't hardcore enough for a Sunday afternoon.

Books are powerful. You can ruin your skin, your family can go hungry, and you'll wake up the next morning without clean underwear if you're not careful. Read responsibly, my friends.



12 comments:

  1. A+ post. However, I'm sorry for your sunburn!

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  2. THE SUN IS THE ENEMY. I feel you, girl!!! I went out for a walk with my Dad on Sunday, and we both used the aerosol sunscreen and both missed SO MANY SPOTS. Some of my fave is fine, but there's a triangle of burn on my forehead, and weird spots of burn on the back of my neck. THE STRUGGLE.

    BRB WHILE I DIE THINKING ABOUT SITTING NEXT TO THAT POOL WITH YOU IN ONE MONTH.

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    Replies
    1. OH, GOOD CALL, putting "bathing suit" on my list of things to pack.

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  3. The occasional child screaming ruins EVERYTHING. I don't care if I'm annoyed, waiting in line at Walmart - a screaming child ruins that, too.

    OKAY, YOUR SUNBURN. I FEAR FOR YOUR SKIN NOW. You can Kelsey need to bring sun umbrellas to the concerts because I CANNOT HAVE YOU TWO BURNING.

    When I was wrapped up in The Hunger Games series (JUDGE ME, EVERYONE, JUDGE ME) I didn't do laundry for 2 weeks, and went out and bought new underwear so I didn't have wash the ones I owned. IT'S A SERIOUS PROBLEM.

    Let's discuss Gone Girl...

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  4. I actually went to the library this morning and was gonna pick up Gone Girl but I didn't! I wish I had now!

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  5. do you normally get hive-y and itching after burns? this seems not good, but I'm no doctor

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  6. It's really that good? It's been on my book shelf for at least a year, because it's a little intimidating!

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  7. Love your writing on this post, oh so much! Dislike your sunburn- ouch!

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  8. I do this with so many books it's not even a joke any more.

    Can't the world just stop while I've got my head in a good book.

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  9. Responsible reading?? Don't be ridiculous! When Angel worked night shift, there was no one to be accountable to as far as what time I went to bed. Normally, I'm very much an early bird and I need my 8 hours of sleep (I'm usually in bed by 10 unless there's a very good reason not to be), but I'd stay up well past midnight reading murder mysteries alone in my farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. Good choice, Rachel.

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  10. I was the exact same way with Gone Girl. Totally fried myself on vacation because of that book. But, it was vacation so luckily the cleaning and eating parts were taking care of. I just spaced out on What Alice Forgot a few weeks ago too. I ended up laying on the couch reading all afternoon while Will took a three hour nap. That's weekend gold, right there.

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