thoughts + stories

I just finished eating leftover quiche and raspberry chocolate chip muffins. In bed. These are the kinds of luxuries I am currently affording myself. Don't tell James.

I bought some white sheets with black plus signs on them at Target last week, after months of agonizing over new sheets. Then I saw 4 Instagrams this morning of people with the same sheets. Dang it, Target.

Speaking of Target, I went yesterday to grab a few things. They've had these extremely overpriced plastic bins that would've been perfect to put on the shelves in the changing table, but every time I talked myself out of it. I finally decided to just go buy the darn things, and when I got there they were gone. GONE. After much scouting, I found two smashed behind some woven baskets, and I snagged them. The cashier asked me when I was due, and I said "yesterday!" She said she knew it had to be soon, because I had "quite the waddle." I rolled with it and didn't tell her that my waddle was exaggerated due to the fact that I didn't wear leggings under my dress for once since my incubator settings are cranked up high, and my thighs were chafing. I walked out preserving a little dignity until I realized I forgot to buy mascara for the 3rd time. I told James that story, and he said "but you really do have quite the waddle." It's true.

I love the look and idea of linen napkins, but I don't understand why people use them. They get dirty! And stained! More laundry! They would stress me out. Clearly I am not an environmentalist. I'll be over here with my roll of paper towels and destroying the earth or whatever.

I accidentally watched about 30 minutes of golf with James last weekend. One of the players was walking around the green like it ain't no thang, and all I could do was look at James and say "how is he walking like it's not hard? Why isn't he out of breath? He doesn't look like his back is breaking? Is that what it's like to not be pregnant?!?" And the thing is, I was serious. I'm unaware of a different life than one that isn't dominated by top-heaviness. You mean people can actually bend over without falling and/or crying?

Ever since I sort of got my taste for coffee back, I've been ordering lattes. A good latte will send me through the roof with joy these days. I usually order a decaf, except for after my OB appointments, because I need to reward myself for surviving those. Anyway, decaf? I feel like such a poser. Like, who am I and what have I done with myself? I feel like I'm pretending to be someone else when I order decaf. There's a little thrill involved, like I'm using a fake ID. NOT THAT I'VE EVER DONE THAT I SWEAR I HAVEN'T. But I imagine it feels like ordering decaf, which was previously against my religion. Scandalous!

Every time I think I have our townhouse just the way I want it, I get another idea. It's driving me insane. We have this big blank wall in the kitchen and a lack of cabinets, so now I'm obsessed with the idea of channeling Julia Child and putting up a pegboard for my pots and pans. I'm convinced it would make me a better cook. I might even develop a french accent. I bet it would get me a book deal. The possibilities! Clearly it is in my best interest. I've been randomly sending James pictures and tutorials all week in hopes that he'll make it happen for me. But without me asking, because he already has been doing everything for me lately. Don't you wish you were married to me? Don't answer that.

I'm going to go make some more tea and clean. And by clean I mean read. And by read, I mean maybe take a nap. You get it. 


  1. Linen napkins will never make sense to me, either. Sure, they are pretty -- but I don't want to reuse napkins!! Anything to prevent my ever growing laundry piles from getting even bigger. Girl, that happens to me ALL the time! I go to Target for ONE reason and I leave with a ton of stuff, and of course, forget the one thing I went for.

    Can't wait to "meet" this little babe of yours!!!!!!

  2. In theory, beautiful dish sets and silverware sets are wonderful. But in practice, at work every day I usually eat my breakfast lunch out of the plastic bag I brought it in or off of a paper towel, with plastic utensils or my hands. Because I don't want to have to trek back down to the kitchen to wash a plate and fork. Is this lazy? Incredibly. Do I have any excuse to do it? None at all. But I still do.

    I won't snitch on you to the environmental agencies if you don't.

  3. Don't you wish you were married to me? Don't answer that. <-- LOL. For real. I'm cracking up. Where have you been all my life? Writing funny is not something you can teach, so bravo.

  4. I legit *almost* bought those sheets online last week. And then I talked myself out of it. I might order them anyway because I haven't seen any Instagrams of them and so technically I did like them before they were cool, which preserves my semi-hipster status. Right? Right. Instead, I ordered shampoo and conditioner and two pairs of shoes (BOGO, holla!) and a new flat beater for my Kitchenaid mixer.

    I'm dying to know how the hail one drives when they're 15 months pregnant. I'm kind of nervous I won't be able to, because I have short legs as it is and therefore have to sit approximately 8.2 inches away from the steering wheel just to reach the pedals and when I have a belly the size of six watermelons how does this work? Too much math and science for my head.

  5. Linen napkins - I love the idea, but the practice? I'd die. It's the same with cloth diapers, I love the idea - look all the money I'm saving! Look at me saving the environment! - but in practice? Thanks, no thanks. Let me just open this new box of Huggies, real quick because ain't nobody got time for extra laundry.

  6. I use cloth napkins, but they're not fancy. Or white. I found a couple packs on clearance at Target and I still haven't stained them after 3 years. Yay OxyClean? Paper napkins all the way for spaghetti night.
    My sister got me some fancy ones from Anthropologie for my birthday several months ago- and you better believe those are still in the package!

  7. I have not seen these Target sheets, and now I must look them up online. And NOT buy them, even though all the cool kids are. I just bought new sheets- what I need is new bedding (oh, hey, Ikea, I see you. I'll be right over.)

    I know what wall you're talking about, and I also know what the other walls look like in your house, and I know you'll make the right choice. Do it! Do it!

  8. I need to go to Target to get baskets before it closes forever next week. You have inspired me.

    If a stranger told me I was waddling I would probably burst into tears. Husbands are different because it's their waddle, too. I love that James said that and that you didn't kill him.

    Hurray for eating in bed!

  9. I just bought linen napkins on etsy. True story :P

    your blog post makes me smile. I love your enthusiasm!


Talk to me! If your email is linked to your account, I'll respond to you via email. If not, I'll respond to you right here.