5.04.2015

a case of the mondays

It's Monday afternoon, and I'm sitting on the couch watching Chopped on Netflix, and I'm in a bad mood.

Why a bad mood?

Don't ask. Because I don't know. The dishes need to be washed? I have to wait for James to get home at 9:30 to watch our shows? I'm really, really tired? I'm hangry and the more I eat the hangrier I get? Gracie and I have had to change our outfits multiple times today? Pick one.

I was going to take Gracie to see James at work today, but after I showered, dried my hair, and got dressed, I laid down and realized I didn't have the energy to wake up the baby, put some pants on her, and get us out the door. So I'm on the couch with an iced coffee and Netflix. Such a hard life, right?

(But really, will you bring me a snack? And by snack I mean a meal. Two meals.)

Maybe I shouldn't watch Food Network shows while hungry? Whatever.

I may not have gotten Gracie out the door today, but I did take her out to coffee with some friends on Saturday. I put her in a onesie with bikes on it and matching polka dot pants. I love that she has a onesie with bikes on it. They look exactly like my beach cruiser, and the bike that used to be on my blog design. I dressed her and smiled. Bikes, blog, baby. Life is wonderful! And then James asked if I wanted a pizza for lunch, and life was really wonderful.

And then she destroyed her outfit. You know what I mean.

Then it was my turn to get dressed, but I quickly realized NOTHING FITS after you have a baby. Nothing. After the baby comes out, your fat goes back to all the wrong places. My muffin top has been supersized. My thighs could crush the Hulk. All the billowy shirts I had been planning to wear post-baby clung to me like they had separation anxiety, so I swallowed my pride and put my maternity clothes on. I know that my body is still going back to normal, but I looked at myself in the mirror, and even though I know I had a baby only a month ago, my reflection made me wonder if I was somehow four months pregnant. You never know!

(Seriously though, will you make me some waffles? I could go for waffles.)

Anyway, it should be no surprise that I'm currently wearing maternity leggings. I pledged my life to them while I was pregnant, and I'm not about to go back on my word.

So speaking of partying. Oh, we weren't? Oops. Maybe if you had brought me a snack by now I'd be coherent enough to know what I'm talking about. I digress! Anyway, I partied hard on Friday night. There was a major warehouse fire in town, and the local news covered it for three hours, and yours truly watched every minute of it. Gracie was into it too! She managed to stay awake while overly dramatic reporters interviewed people and asked the hard-hitting questions like "I heard you took a picture of the fire! What did you see when you looked at the fire?" and "Can you smell the smoke?" I was riveted.

(For real, can you make me some tacos?)

James and I have been all about some Food Network shows lately. On Netflix, of course. We're all out of Iron Chef episodes and I'm not ready to talk about that yet. We've been watching Food Network Star, and we're hooked. Being on a show like that is my worst nightmare, but I can watch it all day long. Except I can't watch it all day long because James is at work. The nerve! So I'm watching Chopped. I couldn't be on this show. I have no cooking creativity. I would panic, throw all the ingredients in a blender, and then run away.

Speaking of food, I'm reading Food: A Love Story by Jim Gaffigan. Once again, not helping my hanger problems. But it is SO FUNNY. It's making me crave all kinds of bad food. Like hot dogs. I'm not a hot dog person, but after reading his chapter on them I was literally salivating. Maybe I should find a new book to read.

Speaking of food, again, I'm going to go scrounge around in the kitchen before The Boss wakes up. But you're more than welcome to show up on my doorstep with food.


UGH, FOOD.

9 comments:

  1. Michelle, I literally yelled out to a passing stranger on Saturday that I liked her bicycle shirt. She was an adult woman. But it a was a shirt with a bike on it! I couldn't just let her pass by. I know I wouldn't be able to control myself around a Gracie-sized bicycle onesie. NO CHANCE.

    I read 'Food' and honest to god laughed out loud the entire way through. Just like I did with 'Dad is Fat'. After reading it, I fantasized about corn dogs for at least three days. JIM IS THE BEST EVER.

    There's a preview of his new show (did you know he's getting his own tv show?) available on his website today and it's just a 1.5 minute supercut of him eating. I ALREADY LOVE IT. Go watch it!

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  2. If you are looking for an awesome show about food to watch other than Chopped I am in love with Master Chef and Master Chef Junior. Seriously cute kids who know how to make a souffle and pasta from scratch. What? It's pretty awesome.

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  3. sometimes I am afraid to read your after-pregnancy posts because I literally have nothing to say about it yet....... but I am sure I will have a million things to say in July when I get there. :P

    Also, I want food too. All the foods. Please. Food me. I thought this would go away after I delivered, but if your individual life is any indication, it won't. Oh well. :P

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    1. I've been ten times hungrier after having the baby than I was while I was pregnant!

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  4. When I was up in the middle of the night last week (hard to keep track of when at this point!) I read all your recent posts on motherhood and I felt better because at least you know how to make it humorous! I'll admit, I am a little more worried about recovering after the baby, but I think I will take your advice and watch Friends. Also, Pioneer Woman is on Netflix. Also, also, do not watch anymore cooking shows while hungry! And thanks for all the 4 am smiles and laughs.

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  5. Do Not Food Network Netflix While Hungry (the name of this support group I'm starting).

    Let's blame it on the weather, shall we? It's finally warm enough to wear t-shirts and shorts, but do you know what's better than that? ICE CREAM.

    I had tacos for dinner last night, and ice cream for dessert, and I wish you and Gracie could have joined me!

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  6. Isn't it the best to be able to eat without getting sick before, during or after??!! You're making up for lost time. The day I came home from the hospital I ate half a coffee cake.

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  7. Babies have the best clothes. I want to rock the bicycle onesie and polka dot pants. Even though I haven't ridden my bike in ages, I still think that would be really cool looking.

    I've decided that this summer will be a transitional one where I have a huge wardrobe of maternity and non maternity wear and it's going to be okay. Because of the flubber.

    I can't do food network shows. They always make me feel inadequate because we eat a lot of crock pot chicken. And then I wonder how I would do on them and it would probably involve a lot of food poisoning.

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  8. I have been on such a hot dog kick recently. I know it's probably not the best food for baby and me, but MAN I could eat a hot dog every single day. How do you even cope with a Bicycle onesie? It's probably a blessing to our budget that we aren't having a girl because I'm fairly certain I would've spent four times what we've already spent on baby clothes and cuteness.

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