7.23.2015

wednesday with michelle & gracie

every mom to young kids needs this shirt


Gracie has been napping for over an hour.

THIS IS A BIG DEAL.

She has not napped at all this week. Like, at all. At all.

Which means I'm going to update you on all things exciting and thrilling. Because I have the time!

My mom and I kind of have a standing date every week. We get lunch, hang out with the baby, drink coffee, and talk. Sometimes we go do fun things, sometimes we sit on the couch and discuss the day's hard-hitting issues like reality tv and what we ate for breakfast and who we unfriended on Facebook that week. I love my mom. But really, most of our time is spent loving on the baby and telling her she's the prettiest, smartest, cutest, most wonderful thing alive.

We are obnoxious.

We got Mexican food for lunch yesterday, and since I'm off the dairy, I had no choice but to eat a bucket of chips and salsa and order fajitas. FAJITAS. The word itself sounds like a party. I ate roughly 3 plates of food while No Naps McGee took a jaunty 20 minute snooze, the only nap I could squeeze out of her all day. She was unknowingly the center of attention as strangers gushed over The Hair, and I smirked the smirk of a mother who threw up for 6 months in order to make The Hair a reality.

The bucket of chips and salsa and heaping plate of fajitas kept me full for approximately an hour. Here's the thing I didn't know about breastfeeding: it makes you hungry. Starving. Ravenous. And here's the other thing: Gracie went through a 4 day stint of nursing every 45 minutes to an hour during the day. It was the growth spurt from down under. My already ravenous appetite skyrocketed, and I ate through the entire kitchen. I shoveled down food as fast as I could and still managed to lose enough weight to keep me pulling my jeans up all day yesterday. But the fajitas probably fixed that problem.

I didn't dare leave the house with her during the 'spurt, as she was constantly wanting to eat, but she suddenly started stretching out her feedings back to every two hours on Tuesday evening. It was a luxury unlike any I have ever known. WHAT IS THIS FREEDOM? Since that left me feeling loosey goosey and high on liberation, my mom and I put the baby back in the carseat and schlepped her to Target. A lot of women go to Target for the cheap clothes and the home decor. We go for the La Croix.

(pausing real quick because you-know-who is squawking in the crib)

Do you know about La Croix? Flavored sparkling water. Every flavor you can imagine. La Croix is the fajitas of the sparkling water world--sizzly, fizzly, zazzy, and delicious. Target has all the flavors you never knew you wanted, and both our stockpiles were running dangerously low. We grabbed our favorite flavors while Miss No Naps fought with the strength of a thousand armies to keep her eyes open and also to reprimand me the second the cart stopped moving. When we went to check out, the conveyor belt had a wall of La Croix boxes stacked on it. The cashier said she'd been wanting to try it and asked us what are favorite flavor is. "Strawberry Pineapple!" I said. "Wait no, Passionfruit! Maybe Cran-Raspberry? Wait mom, don't you like the Apple Berry one? Grapefruit is good too!"

As you can see, we were very helpful.

(pausing to fish some cookie crumbs out of my bra...a common problem these days)

We came home to the stench of all stenches. It smells like something is rotting. Dying. Molding. Decomposing. But mainly like rotten produce; I'm just being dramatic. Anyway, I followed my nose, and my nose led me to nothing. For the past 24 hours I have sniffed everything in the vicinity of The Stench and still can't find its origin. The trash was just taken out. There is nothing going bad in the fridge. It's not the dishwasher or the garbage disposal. The floors are clean. My mind has been sufficiently boggled. At this rate, I have no idea what to do but continue to burn my lemon vanilla candle to mask the smell and find a new place to live.


10 comments:

  1. Mystery stench of all stenches...isn't a super sensitive sense of smell a symptom (whoa alliteration!) of pregnancy??

    KIDDING.

    I'm so jealous of all your La Croix flavors. I LOVE those stupid things but I am limited to the following flavors at our oh-so-full-of-variety grocery store: Coconut, lime, lemon, cran-raspberry, grapefruit, and peach-pear. THE END. I had no idea strawberry pineapple or passionfruit even existed. Get with the program, ALASKA.

    Please never stop capitalizing The Hair.

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  2. I love how you capitalize The Hair as if it were a proper noun- BECAUSE IT IS. Honestly. Anyway, the scene you just described made me think you and your mom are Rory and Lorelai, the later years. Once Rory had a baby and moved to Ohio, that is. I can hear the coffee-induced fast-talking now, and I love it.

    We had a mysterious stench in our office last winter-- eventually someone threw out the whole trash can itself, and the smell went away with it. I guess the smell of the garbage (even with the layer of the bag in between) can cause the container stink to high hell over time. News to me.

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  3. What is this Strawberry Pineapple you speak of? I love me some berry, but that flavor sounds a-mah-zing.
    When I was pregnant with baby numero last, there was a stench in my house that I couldn't find the source of, till I figured out that our Stretch (octopus in Toy Story 3) toy was made of rubber and stank to high heaven.

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  4. I had my baby four weeks ago and hit the FEED ME EVERYTHING stage. So so hungry, all the dang time. This happened right around this time with my first too... but hey, I've lost weight!

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  5. Can The Hair have its own Twitter account? I'm laughing just thinking about it! It would be epic.

    I haven't tried these La Croix you speak of, but I just Googled them and I'm excited to learn that they are sweetener free so I can have them. brb while I go to Target on my lunch break and report back.

    Kelsey and I had Mexican on Tuesday and I already want it again. GIVE ME ALL THE CHIPS AND GUAC.

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  6. I was going to tell you that The Hair is so amazing it deserves its own IG account, but then realized Alissa beat me to it. Seriously though...it's its own entity.

    Unknown stench drives me more insane than almost anything else. We've had the same problem twice in the last year. The first time, after much investigation, we concluded a mouse had died under the floorboards and was stinking up the place. We proceeded to RIP OUT OUR FLOORS only to discover the mouse was trapped in some mysterious purgatory between our basement and whatever exists under the floors. Waiting for that sucker to decompose was the longest two weeks of my life. Last night, we experienced another stench. Luckily, this one just ended up being a kitchen sponge that was unknowingly languishing in a pool of old filthy water in our dish washing supply holder thingamajig. WHY WOULD YOU NOT PUT DRAINAGE HOLES IN ONE OF THOSE? This seems like a serious design flaw. Luckily, after removal of the sponge and said standing water, we were relieved of the stench. I hope you find what's fouling up your place soon!

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  7. I love that you called her No Naps McGee... I pretty much add McGee, McGoo or McRoo (Depending on whats sounds best with the rest of the phrase) to names/things daily haha!! Also, if La Croix is the fajitas of the sparkling water world then clearly I am missing out. Fajitas fo' life!

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  8. I agree with everyone above who said The Hair needs a social media account.

    Also, I have never had La Croix but anything that can be referred to as "the fajitas of the sparkling water world" must be great!

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  9. I haven't jumped on the La Croix train yet (you know how I feel about fads and bandwagons) but I'm starting to wear down. I keep hearing it's so good. I bet it's good for nursing mothers so you keep on keeping on with your La Croix drinking self. ;)

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  10. I can't imagine a life without naps. It sounds like Gracie's at least happy about it. Parker had a few days of limited napping and if he wasn't asleep he was grumpy or eating. I still don't know how you function without her napping. It's like a living nightmare.

    It sounds like you and your mom have a killer routine.

    The EATING. It never ever stops and it's terrifying. People say breastfeeding is cheaper than formula, but I don't think they take into account the breastfeeder's huge appetite. I'm pretty sure it could give a teenage boy a run for his money.

    I've never heard of La Croix. My first thought was "Isn't that the clothing brand with the alligator?" And now I'm curious.

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