things get better
Last week was so terribly hard. A string of bad days can send you into a funk, and that's definitely where I was Friday night. I just couldn't shake the mood. And then the Paris attacks. I was so upset as I sat in front of the tv, watching live coverage. I've always wanted to go to Paris. I've made plans several times, and each time they fell through. It's been very clear that those trips just weren't meant to happen. It's ok, though. There's always someday. I've had a strange love for France since I can remember. I remember my 4th grade teacher teaching us a few French words, and it woke up something in me. I fell in love with French and studied it from 8th grade through college, where I minored in French. I loved my French classes more than my writing classes. I felt most like myself when I was studying the language and literature and culture than I did anywhere else. Even though I've never been there, I feel such a kinship for the French. I feel like I know them. I was, am, so sad, and it completely shook me out of the fog I'd been walking around in all week. Not that what happened discredited anything I had dealt with; it just put everything in its proper perspective and helped me realized I was dwelling on things I couldn't change.
James was finally off all weekend, and we had such a good weekend as a family. It was so good for my soul. Simple togetherness. Exactly what we all needed after last week. Gracie is about a half a second from outgrowing her infant seat, so James installed the big girl carseat in my car, and it was all I could do to keep from crying. I never thought I would be the mom crying over a polka-dotted carseat, but here we are. We brought her home from the hospital in that! She looked like she was going to be swallowed whole in it when she was born, but now when we try to strap her in it, she resembles me trying to wear my pre-pregnancy jeans.
After we put her in the new carseat, we went on a family trip to Target, where we wound up buying G her first Christmas ornament. James and I watched the OSU football game while Gracie napped (she took slightly longer naps!!!). And when I say we watched the game, I mean he did while I read a book. But I snacked like I was watching a football game. I spent lots of time in the kitchen this weekend making pad thai, pumpkin spice waffles, and shepherd's pie. I started a new knitting project. I left Gracie at home with James and went to the library and walked through the nonfiction section, hitting each aisle twice. I picked up books, flipped through them, looked them up on Goodreads to see if they were worth my time, stayed until closing, and walked out with many more than I had planned to get. I will never not be excited about the library. I felt my world turn right-side up again as I browsed the racks. Never underestimate the healing power of words. I put peppermint mocha creamer in my coffee, and life as I know it has changed for the better. After putting Gracie down Saturday night, James and I put our pajamas on, ate some fish sticks (we discovered we were both craving them?) and started The Office again for probably the 7th time. For the first time ever, the toys and blankets all over the floor and the messy rooms didn't bother me at all. It was just so fun to be happy together.
And now it's Monday. And disGracie gave me a hangry 5am wake-up call. Which means I've gotten even more acquainted with my peppermint mocha creamer. But that's not exactly a bad thing.