how dare you
There's this thing called El Nino. The Boy. I mean, of course it's a man. No woman would dream of messing December up with WARM WEATHER.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm passionate about weather. If math and science weren't involved, I would've been a meteorologist yesterday. Have you seen this video clip? THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE WEATHER. I understand her passion! A good blizzard can bring me to my knees with praise.
Call me old-fashioned, but I'm an advocate for seasonally-appropriate weather. It shouldn't snow in June and it should not feel like June in December. It shakes up my entire well-being. The Christmas tree bouncing in the breeze of an open window is not something I should see unless I live in Florida. AND I DON'T. We're two steps away from the frozen tundra, and the weather should treat us as such. It should be a crime to have to turn the air conditioner on anywhere above the Mason-Dixon Line two weeks before Christmas. The only time this weather was appropriate was when I lived in North Carolina and did my Christmas shopping in flip flops, but even then it was mildly depressing. If I catch myself thinking about watermelon while making my week-before-Christmas-grocery list, something is wrong.
El Nino is the playboy that comes to town to shake things up. Most swoon over the gifts of warm weather he brings, but I see you for what you are, Scrooge. You're a troublemaker determined to take away my festive jolliness and I will not stand for it! I'm grateful I can take my baby for morning walks and not have to bundle her up for quick errands, but I need my coziness, and you have stolen it from me. I need to be able to sit by the tree with a fire in the fireplace, but I'm sitting next to a fan instead. I haven't even wanted to listen to Christmas music. The tree looks like an imposter. My reindeer leggings are a joke and I can see you laughing at me while I sweat in bed because I insist on wearing my flannel Christmas pajama pants.
You may be a literal force of nature, but never underestimate my jolliness. I will turn on my air conditioner to accommodate my warm Christmas clothes. I will light peppermint candles and make Christmas cookies. I will drink my Christmas coffee on ice, if I have to. YOU WILL NOT BEAT ME. I will watch all the Christmas episodes of The Office, all Christmas movies, and any movie that has a Christmas scene. I have Clark Griswold-level festiveness and don't you dare think you can change that. I will put up even more twinkle lights and your 70 degree weather will not stop me. You can expect a lump of coal in your stocking this year as your place on the naughty list is secure.
I'm going to go crank up some Bing Crosby since we all know the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.