12.15.2015

how dare you



There's this thing called El Nino. The Boy. I mean, of course it's a man. No woman would dream of messing December up with WARM WEATHER.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm passionate about weather. If math and science weren't involved, I would've been a meteorologist yesterday. Have you seen this video clip? THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE WEATHER. I understand her passion! A good blizzard can bring me to my knees with praise.

Call me old-fashioned, but I'm an advocate for seasonally-appropriate weather. It shouldn't snow in  June and it should not feel like June in December. It shakes up my entire well-being. The Christmas tree bouncing in the breeze of an open window is not something I should see unless I live in Florida. AND I DON'T. We're two steps away from the frozen tundra, and the weather should treat us as such.  It should be a crime to have to turn the air conditioner on anywhere above the Mason-Dixon Line two weeks before Christmas. The only time this weather was appropriate was when I lived in North Carolina and did my Christmas shopping in flip flops, but even then it was mildly depressing. If I catch myself thinking about watermelon while making my week-before-Christmas-grocery list, something is wrong.

El Nino is the playboy that comes to town to shake things up. Most swoon over the gifts of warm weather he brings, but I see you for what you are, Scrooge. You're a troublemaker determined to take away my festive jolliness and I will not stand for it! I'm grateful I can take my baby for morning walks and not have to bundle her up for quick errands, but I need my coziness, and you have stolen it from me. I need to be able to sit by the tree with a fire in the fireplace, but I'm sitting next to a fan instead. I haven't even wanted to listen to Christmas music. The tree looks like an imposter. My reindeer leggings are a joke and I can see you laughing at me while I sweat in bed because I insist on wearing my flannel Christmas pajama pants.

You may be a literal force of nature, but never underestimate my jolliness. I will turn on my air conditioner to accommodate my warm Christmas clothes. I will light peppermint candles and make Christmas cookies. I will drink my Christmas coffee on ice, if I have to. YOU WILL NOT BEAT ME. I will watch all the Christmas episodes of The Office, all Christmas movies, and any movie that has a Christmas scene. I have Clark Griswold-level festiveness and don't you dare think you can change that. I will put up even more twinkle lights and your 70 degree weather will not stop me. You can expect a lump of coal in your stocking this year as your place on the naughty list is secure.

I'm going to go crank up some Bing Crosby since we all know the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

18 comments:

  1. I slept with my windows open last night. MY WINDOWS!! OPEN! TWO OF THEM! On December 14th!!!

    I think I'm going to join you in binge-watching all of The Office's Christmas episodes. Benihana Christmas is in my top three episodes of all time, along with Niagara and The Deposition.

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    1. ^^^^AMEN to The Office Christmas eps. The first Christmas episode they ever did ("Christmas Party" from Season 2) is the first video I ever bought from iTunes. I bought it so I could watch it on the bus to and from basketball games, over and over again. I loved it that much. Since it was the first, it might always be my favorite, but Benihana Christmas is close to perfection (plus it's twice as long). "Secret Santa" from Season 6 rounds out my top 3 (although they are all wonderful), because of Michael's stint as Jesus, trying to ruin the party because Phyllis got to play Santa. But he got the better deal, I think, because his last name was Christ, he had the power of flight, and he could heal leopards. Also, "When you need my help because I am ruining everything, do not look at me."


      I love The Office Christmas only slightly more than I love The Office, in general. And Kels, I agree that Niagara and The Deposition are both in the top ten- and I'd throw in: The Injury, Dinner Party, and the original The Dundees. I just miss that show so much and I'm tearing up as we speak thinking about the second half of the series finale.

      On a sidenote, I have been thinking about how someone should pitch the idea of a video playlist to Netflix so that I can group only the specific episodes I want into a list I could play on a specific day or season of the year. For example, at Thanksgiving, I wanted to watch every Thanksgiving episode of FRIENDS- but only those, and without searching for them individually. And once December hit, give me all The Office Christmas episodes, as well as those of 30 Rock, and Parks and Recreation, too. Put them all together on a "Christmas Playlist" and let me wrap and watch in bliss. Just a thought. Okay, I am done.

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    2. Benihana Christmas is my ALL TIME FAVORITE episode! It's also the first one I saw and what won me over to The Office. I just watched Secret Santa a few days ago, and I forgot how perfect it is. I think The Injury might be my #2 favorite. That or Niagra. UGH.

      Your video playlist idea is genius. Last year I searched through every season of The Office to find the Christmas episodes to watch on Christmas Eve. IT WAS TOO MUCH WORK (though completely worth it, obviously).

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    3. Right? We might be lazy but we are right.

      Also, Michelle- have you seen the trailer for the Sherlock Christmas special? (Face of glee)

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    4. UM NO, I DID NOT. Brb, Googling.

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  2. I'm so sorry. I absolutely know how you feel. Last winter, we had more manmade snow on the mountains than real snow, and I was training for a half marathon outside in shorts and tank tops. In JANUARY. It was the most depressing thing I could imagine.

    But our snow that's been missing for years showed it's face these past two nights. We have two feet of it at my work this morning, and I smiled the entire time I tunneled from my truck to the front door. I've missed big snows like this. And Utah has a rep for the greatest snow on Earth! This is how it's supposed to be!!

    Hopefully our storm will make it to you once it's done here.

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  3. We've had our windows open and fans on too. Yesterday I went for a walk and I wore a sweatshirt because I thought it was mid-December and there's no way I could go out in just a short sleeve tshirt, but I ended up being HOT! However, I have to say, I have ALL THE JOY about the warm weather. I told my sister last night that this is better than any Christmas gift I could get. I am the happiest I've ever been in December. However, I'm sorry you aren't getting the cold Christmas weather you want! I hope the cold, cozy weather comes to your town soon. As long as it stays far, far away from Philadelphia! :)

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  4. AMEN. This is clearly a safe place where all of us sane, weather-passionate folk can gather. I hate hate hate this weather in Dec. My heart breaks with every +40 degree day. I am LITERALLY dreaming of a white Christmas. (Last I checked it said 60 degrees on the 25th. Like, W T actual F?) El Niño is a real jerk. Go back to the tropics, you sleez ball. Ohio is known for crazy weather but this is ridiculous. UGH.

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  5. you TELL that el nino! you tell it! I feel the same way...we are due for some snow here this week and I'm crossing my fingers it's a doozy! white Christmas is the only way to Christmas...

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    1. Amen!! I hope you get a ton of snow! If you do, I might be having Christmas at your house.

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  6. I audibly gasped at the end of that video. Did she live!?

    Alaska is cold(er). You can come visit if you want.

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  7. What the heck is that video?! Is that for real? Did she live? Why are people commenting on this post about anything other than that lady????

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    1. Hahaha I almost said the same thing...DID NOBODY WATCH THAT VIDEO!?!?!?

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  8. That poor lady! She was so concerned!
    It is nice not having to bundle the baby but yeah. It's so not festive. It looks like everyone left their Christmas decorations up until March or something. My husband cued up all the office Christmas videos just this week! They're the best :) and you're gingerbreads looked great by the way!

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    1. Haha I know! Poor thing. Thankfully she seems to be fine now? It really does look and feel like we left our decorations up till spring. It's bothering me. And thank you! I'm about to go raid the cookie tin for some more gingerbread :)

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  9. I'm all for seasonably-appropriate weather too. I had a very hard time putting up my Christmas tree in 55 degree weather.

    The Office Christmas episodes are the best! We started doing Yankee Swap at our Christmas party with friends because of The Office.

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  10. Ha! I'm with you, the weather should be seasonally appropriate!

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  11. El Nino brings California literally all of the rain. And while I'm still trying to cope with the fact that I can wear a hoodie and flip-flops during the winter and be totally fine, I am kinda happy about all the rain, because it means that this big CA drought may be coming to a close. But I'm sorry it's screwing up Ohio so badly. That's really dumb.

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