1.27.2016

and everyone told me it would be the baby that kept me up at night



Sleep and I have become the best of frenemies. I won't bore you with our sordid past, but we've been playing a game of cat and mouse with each other lately. Last week I was excruciatingly tired. Since James had to work all day Saturday, I made the executive decision that I would put off the laundry and nap during Gracie's afternoon nap. I'm not a napper, but I could feel in my bones that I would be asleep in 30 seconds.

Well, Gracie didn't nap. Upon further inspection, she had a tooth breaking through the gums, and bless her heart, I don't think I would've been able to nap either if I were her. I'm sure it also had nothing to do with the fact that our neighbors blasted the likes of Amy Winehouse and Kenny Chesney all day long. Every time I pounded on the wall, it just got louder. I've had Rehab stuck in my head since Saturday afternoon. It was so loud I could hear every word and instrumental nuance of the music. I'm not going to say I held my crying baby up to our shared wall at one point, but I'm also not going to say I didn't. After 8 long hours of comforting a teething baby during the rave next door, she finally fell asleep for the night. I thought I would do the same, until the loud music turned into a full-fledged party in which I can only imagine they were trying to relive their college frat days. I seethed while I made dinner by candlelight, since our kitchen lights had gone out the night before, and texted James that if I'm not home when he gets back from work, it's because I'm in the local jail.

James and I can't even talk about that day without shuddering.

I've been doing a little better with sleep this past week. A few months ago, I started charging my phone at night on the other side of the room so I don't mindlessly scroll or play hours of Words With Friends with my dad. I've been reading Little Women and then peacefully falling asleep, as long as our fan is able to block out the noise of the neighbor's tv every night from 9-12 pm. I don't know what they've been watching, but there are a lot of explosions involved. Our landlord can be expecting a strongly-worded email this morning.

Last night, after a few chapters of Little Women, I fell fast asleep between tv explosions. I was knee-deep in a dream that GIANT BALLS OF ICE were flying through the windows, and I was trying to protect Gracie while screaming for my dad, except no sound would come out of my mouth, when the shaking bed shook me back to reality. James told me I needed to get out of bed, and I was about to claw his eyeballs out for waking me up in the middle of the night and kicking me out of bed.

And then I heard it.

The alarm on his phone was going off, and it had fallen behind? in? under? the bed. I'm still not sure exactly what happened, because I was still trying to discern if there were, in fact, giant balls of ice flying through the windows. All I know is that his jingling phone had disappeared into the giant abyss of our enclosed bed frame. I grabbed my pillow and moved to the floor while James had to literally rip the mattress and boxspring off the bed in search of his phone.

I laid on the floor whisper-shouting at him for kicking me out of bed IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, like he was doing it for fun.

"HOW DARE YOU."

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?"

"IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, JAMES."

"Michelle, it's 5:30 in the morning."

"EXACTLY. It's the middle of the night." I said, disregarding the fact that in my pre-baby days I would've been running on the treadmill at the gym at this time.

I was just happy he didn't wake up the baby until I heard her stirring in her crib.

#!*%

She eventually went back to sleep, and so did I, five minutes before she woke up for the day. I've read that you can tell a person's character by how they handle things like lost luggage and untangling christmas lights. I've dealt with those things more than once and survived, but nothing tests my character quite like the loss of sleep. So far, I've failed every test.

But I will not be beat! I put on a She & Him record while I made breakfast, and there's bread dough rising to have with dinner tonight.

Now hopefully that jackhammer outside will stop so one or both of us can take a morning nap.



21 comments:

  1. "EXACTLY. It's the middle of the night." I'm lolzing at my desk.

    I struggle with sleep myself, but I don't have a baby, a husband, or loud neighbors to blame it on! Mostly, I struggle to STAY asleep-- because this girl has NO PROBLEM falling asleep with her mouth wide open circa 8pm on a Friday. But then I'm up at 4am like a kid on Christmas morning.

    I'll let you know if I figure out something that helps. You do the same?

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    1. Cue Miss Hannigan mocking a little orphan girl: "But it's in the middle- of the night-"

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  2. 5:30 is totally "the middle of the night" for me too ;) anytime before my alarm is scheduled to go off is considered "middle of the night", as well. Ha!!!! I'm so thankful after we moved in September we haven't had to deal with crazy neighbors! I pray it gets better!!!

    That exact phone story has happened to Caleb and I before and I still don't understand why he used to set 3 alarms in the middle of the night "to be excited when he realized he has more time to sleep!" ?!!! Yeah, I put an end to THAT!!! Ha!

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  3. oh my gosh I laughed all the way through this because BEEN THERE! except for the neighbors, they suck and I hate them on your behalf.

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  4. As per usual, I giggled out loud reading this. You're the best:) xoxo

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  5. I can't say I would definitely call the cops on those neighbors, but I can't say I wouldn't, either...

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  6. I feel for you! When our middle kiddo was around 5 months old I went through of period of insomnia that lasted upwards of 3 weeks. I was getting maybe 2 ok nights of sleep out of every 7. It was rough & ive had smaller stints with insomnia off and on since then. I can't imagine having noisy neighbors though! I would go insane & hurt someone! Babies can't control keeping you awake at all hours, but inconsiderate neighbors is a whole different story! Hang in there & try not to plot their murder while you can't sleep ;)

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  7. Oh man. In the apartment I lived in after college, I slept with a broom on the floor next to me because the herd of elephants that lived upstairs stomped around from the hours of 1 to 4 am. I feel for you. I hope you have some good naps coming your way!

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  8. Neighbours that make noise are THE WORST. Years ago, we had the worst neighbours and I could feel their music in my pillow on the other side of the house. My mom went over to yell at them and they were sleeping through it all. On the bright side, your neighbours aren't playing Nickleback. Then you'd be legally allowed to kill them.

    I hear you on the sleep thing. I rage before 8:30 in the morning now and I used to work at 8. Hopefully your neighbour's TV goes the way of your kitchen lights. Or they start watching something like Downton.

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  9. Neighbours that make noise are THE WORST. Years ago, we had the worst neighbours and I could feel their music in my pillow on the other side of the house. My mom went over to yell at them and they were sleeping through it all. On the bright side, your neighbours aren't playing Nickleback. Then you'd be legally allowed to kill them.

    I hear you on the sleep thing. I rage before 8:30 in the morning now and I used to work at 8. Hopefully your neighbour's TV goes the way of your kitchen lights. Or they start watching something like Downton.

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  10. LOUD NEIGHBORS. Ugh, for a minute I had a flash back to literally ever neighbor I ever had in college. And my final year of school, the loud, disruptive ones live in my own house- BUT THAT'S A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME. It's so awful when it's out of your control!! I'm so sorry!

    Your dreams never cease to make me LOL, FOR REAL. Mine are never that entertaining... or stressful.

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  11. I share in your neighbor woes. If you find a good lawyer that can get you off the hook for burning your neighbor's house down let me know... because I'm doing it someday. (Maybe I shouldn't write that on the internet...?) There's a driveway and 6 feet of grass between our houses and his music STILL shakes the dishes in my kitchen. It happens at least once a week. I can't tell you how many times we (and other neighbors) have called the cops. UGH.
    As far as being woken up in the middle of the night (or even 5:30am), especially after a traumatic dream... I totally get where your head was at that morning. My husband really dislikes the beast I become in the morning. It's scary and mean and very unpleasant. I hope your day turned around (and those neighbors get evicted).

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  12. Boo to your neighbors! =\ I've been there and it's not fun... can't imagine how much MORE annoying it is when you've got a baby that needs sleep and quiet!! Jared's alarm goes off at 5:09am every day and has for years but it still startles me awake many days and I think the world is ending.

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  13. I CANNOT function on little amounts of sleep. I'm probably going to die when I have babies. (Maybe things about babies make me think that. haha) And your neighbors are douchebags. That makes me so mad. :(

    It also makes me mad that I've been awake for 30 minutes by the time 5:30 am rolls around. What life choices did I make that put me in this situation?!

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  14. Oh my word it's so true. Nothing tests it like sleep deprivation and I fail miserably literally every time. You'd think I was the 4 month old in the situation. My husband has the patience of a saint and loves me through my whisper screaming and believe me there's plenty of it ;)

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    1. The worst, right? I am a monster on no sleep. James is the only one in the family who can function while sleep deprived.

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  15. I can't even comment on this because I relate so much it gave me chills and PTSD.

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  16. You are not the only one who can't handle the sleep deprivation- I think that's every baby mama. My neighbor loves to slam his door when he leaves for the gym at 5:00am, an hour before my baby wakes up. UGH. The worst.

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  17. Gracie is so damn cute. Look at that smirk. She loves you so much! You can just tell. I'm sorry about the sleep thing and the nightmare and the neighbors. All of those things suck, but especially your neighbors. Jerks.

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  18. Dude. She & Him are fantastic. I hope it helped. Also, yes to strongly worded emails to landlords... I want to do that every do in regards to our downstairs neighbors.

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