3.25.2016

tales of an insomniac

It's been a hard week.

Drink!

If you took a shot for every time I've said that the past year...well, you wouldn't be alive to read this. The hardships of life have reached a feverpitch lately, and there is just so much sorrow in my family right now. I am weary in every sense of the word. But we have our health! And each other! I've focused on that as much as I can the last few days. The three of us are good and together and healthy. Though the guy next to me at the gym was coughing a big last night, so we'll see about that health part. But we have each other.

My insomnia is attacking again. I thought I had finally kicked it since I went nearly 2 months without any sleep issues, but low and behold it has come back with a vengeance. I am the walking dead. Yesterday I left the house barefoot to go run errands. After I walked back in and carried the baby back upstairs to grab my shoes and then back out to the car, my sore arms and I drove to Target for diapers.

I had a little birthday money to burn and have some upcoming events in which I need to be dressed in something decentish, so I took a stroll through the clothing section just for giggles, staying far away from the bikinis because I wasn't in the mood to be bullied. Aside from a maternity shirt and a pair of Christmas leggings, I haven't bought clothes from Target in YEARS. The quality is bleh, it never fits right, and it looks like they get their fashion inspiration from Forever 21. A couple things immediately caught my eye, so I hauled them off to the dressing room because what's the worst thing that could happen? For the first time in my life, everything fit perfectly. And it was on sale! I went to pay and noticed the sale prices weren't ringing up. The very impatient (I just typed "unpatient"...send sleeping pills) cashier told me it's because I didn't have the cartwheel app. No one was behind me, so I downloaded it real quick, because I was going to get my 50% off OR ELSE. Well. We couldn't find the deal on the app, scanning the barcode wasn't brining it up, and a line had suddenly formed behind me. I panicked and paid for everything, figuring I could return whatever I needed to. I apologized for the 34th time and the cashier waved me off with a roll of her frustrated eyes. I should also mention that Gracie was screaming through all this. She decided at that very moment that she was hungry, so she bellowed "mama" and smacked my chest (her loving way of letting me know she's hungry), and when I didn't immediately respond she let Target know what her little lungs are capable of. By the time we got to the car, I was absolutely drenched in nervous sweat. I did a quick glance of the receipt and noticed the sale prices DID ring up, and I had never needed the app. Math is hard, especially when you're sleep deprived and just bad at math in general. And then I noticed the shirt I bought had a stain on the back. I think I'll be returning it to a different Target.

The key to keeping a happy content in a dressing room: pulling things out of a diaper bag

If only that were the beginning of my shopping woes. I tried a dress on at a different store earlier this week. It was exactly what I was looking for, the right shape, and it hit my knees which is a huge deal when you're tall and live in a world of mini dresses. I grabbed my usual size and hit the dressing room. The dress was HUGE on me. I was stunned. I guess all those walks with the stroller have paid off! I did a victory dance while I double checked the tag to make sure I hadn't misread the size, and there I found my error. It was a MATERNITY dress. I didn't think this particular store even had a maternity section? I'm still mostly certain it doesn't? I felt so ridiculous I high-tailed it out of there.


Dress sagas aside, we went to visit James after our Target debacle. We've been going to see him once or twice a week on his lunch breaks to go on a walk with him. I love it. It gets us some exercise, gets us out of the house, and it's not the end of the day when I'm ready to hide in the closet. 12pm Michelle is so much more sociable and friendly than 5pm Michelle. Gracie and I were supposed to go to Bible Study Wednesday morning. I hadn't been in months, but I woke up determined to get back in the habit. As I was getting ready, I asked my friend if she was going to be there, too. Turns out, it just so happened to be cancelled that week (sensing a theme of the week here?). We were all dressed up with nowhere to go, so we went on a walk with James instead, and then again yesterday. We walked in the howling wind yesterday while Gracie chattered in her stroller. James' boss drove up and said hi while I was makeup-less and not dressed for the occasion, but she saw me lying in a hospital bed after 20 hours of labor and 48 hours of no sleep wearing nothing but mesh underwear packed with ice and a nursing-friendly hospital gown that left nothing to the imagination if I moved even an inch, so I probably made a pretty good impression this time.

James is working late tonight, and I have to make a huge grocery trip. I'm making Easter dinner for my family, and somehow I have to find time to prep and cook while he's working today and tomorrow. G is a great sidekick, but lately it's been hard taking her to stores. She starts to whine after a couple minutes in the cart because I'm RIGHT THERE, so why am I not holding her?? What kind of torture is this? She raises her arms up for me to pick her up and cries and whines. I try to distract her as best I can and sometimes it works and sometimes we have to leave. The grocery store always tests both our patience, but it has to be done. Never would you think of going grocery shopping alone as a slice of paradise, but then you become a mom. And everything changes.

Let's hope I at least wear my shoes this time.

20 comments:

  1. So sorry you've been having a tough week, my friend. But on the bright side-- that dress/sweater combo is TO DIE FOR. I love it so much!! ~runs to the nearest Target to buy the same thing~

    I wish you and Gracie could drive all the way to NY and hang out with ME on my lunch break. What a treat that would be!! I'm not sure how Gracie would feel about the drive, considering you'd have to leave by 2-3am to make it here by lunch- BUT STILL. A girl can dream! And if you're up in the middle of the night anyway, you might as well.

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  2. you are looking cah-ute! it's amazing how getting out of the house (even when you don't want to, like me) can make a day better. sending you all of the luck and good wishes for a smooth prep and cooking of Easter dinner! you are superwoman.

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    1. Thank you, thank you! Getting out of the house makes all the difference in the world.

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  3. But what is the benefit of the Cartwheel app, really? My coworkers talk about it all of the time but I feel like it's only useful if you buy in bulk? Correct me if I'm wrong, Internet!

    I second what Kelsey said about lunchtime walks. I take my lunch from 1-2 each day, so how about I just meet you and Gracie in the parking lot? :)

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    1. Also, good luck with Easter dinner!

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  4. Love you woman! Love that outfit! Wish we lived closer.
    I've always known you were going to be an awesome momma! I remember in college when I was sick and came down to your room and said I hadn't been able to eat anything you took me to your box of goodies and then proceeded to make me mac and cheese. You were made for this! This is one of your many high callings!!!! :-)

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    1. Love YOU! You are so sweet and the most encouraging person I know. Thank you so much :)

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  5. I hear a lot of mommas are loving Kroger's curbside service - are the ones up in Columbus offering that? You can shop online and pick it up and they deliver it to your car for like $5 extra. Totally worth it in my book IF you have to take baby G with ya! ;) that dress is adorable and I'm glad it rang up, too bad about that stain. In all fairness, you're rockin this mom thing girl!!

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  6. Michelle, you look great! and lets be honest, who cares if its Maternity.. if it fits and you feel good in it, get it!

    I agree, getting out of the house during the day makes all the difference in the world. I wish we lived closer and could take stroller walks all the time.

    Hope the days get easier for you, sending you lots of positive vibes!!

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    1. I would LOVE to go on walks with you!

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  7. I guess this is a bad time to tell you that it's impatient, and you typed inpatient. I thought that was funny. Maybe I'm just a jerk. Don't answer that. I'm sorry things have been so stressful for you. Hopefully things improve! Walks are always nice :)

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    1. I laughed so hard I snorted. BEST.

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    2. I am mortified. I TOLD YOU I NEED SLEEP.

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  8. Bah, life stinks sometimes. This too shall pass! And you're back at the gym! High fives all around. Except with the sick guy.

    That dress is wonderful. It's like everything good about Target rolled up in one (but actually, their dresses were the only thing I ever liked).

    Feel no shame in maternity clothes. Half my shirts are still maternity. No one will know unless you tell them! Or, you know, side rouching.

    Good for you, brave soul, making dinner. I make Easter brunch instead because the pressure is too much otherwise. Superstar!

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  9. Our lives seem to be on the same wavelength or something. Whenever you seem to be having a hard week I am too. Makes me wish even more we lived closer so that we could meet up & commiserate together.

    I hope your insomnia gets back to wherever it came from & stays there permanently! Insomnia with a kiddo to take care of is the worst! I've known that road too well. You've been in my prayers, but I will add the insomnia to the list as well.


    Here's to next week being better! God willing!

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  10. I have the same struggles with Target clothes. I want to love them, but I can't. But oh! Have you heard of LuLaRoe? I know it's a home based business thing, and they make your skin crawl, but they literally have the best dresses and skirts. And they are all modest-friendly, because it's a mormon company. Seriously, it's good stuff, and it's all stretchy so it fits really well too.

    We moved into the loft of our new house, because we are working on both the master and guest bedrooms. I'm normally a really deep sleeper, but for some reason every time the heater kicks on (the heater is in the upstairs hallway, just across from the loft) I wake up. It's been a week now of me not getting a good night's sleep. There is not enough coffee in this world.

    Hang in there, my friend.

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  11. Ok, I LOVE when everything I pick up fits AND is on sale... though I'm sorry about the cash register drama (and the stain)!
    Go YOU for making an Easter meal with a junior assistant. I get frustrated with my dogs let alone another human :)

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  12. And that's why I never go clothes shopping...

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  13. I believe you. My two year old started preschool (2 mornings a week at our church-run preschool) this year and I haven't had to take her to the grocery store in 7 months. It's spring break this week. i had to take her today. It was so not fun. I know you've expressed, um... feelings about your baby carrier before but that was the only way I made it through those first two years when it seemed like she was perpetually in a holdmeholdmeholdme stage.

    Also, I have major love for Cartwheel. My handy app has informed me that I've saved $430 so far. But maybe insomnia week is not the best week to be figuring out something new.

    Stay strong. Not every moment of motherhood is glorious, despite what the parents of grown up kids say.

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    1. You know...I actually gave the carrier another try this morning, and it went better than I remembered. I'm going to keep trying it. She gets a little fussy when she's been in it awhile, but it might be a lifesaver when she's desperate to be held.

      That is some impressive savings!! I guess I just don't shop at Target enough. I usually just get diapers there and maybe a few random things. I need to pay more attention.

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