If you took a shot for every time I've said that the past year...well, you wouldn't be alive to read this. The hardships of life have reached a feverpitch lately, and there is just so much sorrow in my family right now. I am weary in every sense of the word. But we have our health! And each other! I've focused on that as much as I can the last few days. The three of us are good and together and healthy. Though the guy next to me at the gym was coughing a big last night, so we'll see about that health part. But we have each other.
My insomnia is attacking again. I thought I had finally kicked it since I went nearly 2 months without any sleep issues, but low and behold it has come back with a vengeance. I am the walking dead. Yesterday I left the house barefoot to go run errands. After I walked back in and carried the baby back upstairs to grab my shoes and then back out to the car, my sore arms and I drove to Target for diapers.
I had a little birthday money to burn and have some upcoming events in which I need to be dressed in something decentish, so I took a stroll through the clothing section just for giggles, staying far away from the bikinis because I wasn't in the mood to be bullied. Aside from a maternity shirt and a pair of Christmas leggings, I haven't bought clothes from Target in YEARS. The quality is bleh, it never fits right, and it looks like they get their fashion inspiration from Forever 21. A couple things immediately caught my eye, so I hauled them off to the dressing room because what's the worst thing that could happen? For the first time in my life, everything fit perfectly. And it was on sale! I went to pay and noticed the sale prices weren't ringing up. The very impatient (I just typed "unpatient"...send sleeping pills) cashier told me it's because I didn't have the cartwheel app. No one was behind me, so I downloaded it real quick, because I was going to get my 50% off OR ELSE. Well. We couldn't find the deal on the app, scanning the barcode wasn't brining it up, and a line had suddenly formed behind me. I panicked and paid for everything, figuring I could return whatever I needed to. I apologized for the 34th time and the cashier waved me off with a roll of her frustrated eyes. I should also mention that Gracie was screaming through all this. She decided at that very moment that she was hungry, so she bellowed "mama" and smacked my chest (her loving way of letting me know she's hungry), and when I didn't immediately respond she let Target know what her little lungs are capable of. By the time we got to the car, I was absolutely drenched in nervous sweat. I did a quick glance of the receipt and noticed the sale prices DID ring up, and I had never needed the app. Math is hard, especially when you're sleep deprived and just bad at math in general. And then I noticed the shirt I bought had a stain on the back. I think I'll be returning it to a different Target.
|The key to keeping a happy content in a dressing room: pulling things out of a diaper bag|
If only that were the beginning of my shopping woes. I tried a dress on at a different store earlier this week. It was exactly what I was looking for, the right shape, and it hit my knees which is a huge deal when you're tall and live in a world of mini dresses. I grabbed my usual size and hit the dressing room. The dress was HUGE on me. I was stunned. I guess all those walks with the stroller have paid off! I did a victory dance while I double checked the tag to make sure I hadn't misread the size, and there I found my error. It was a MATERNITY dress. I didn't think this particular store even had a maternity section? I'm still mostly certain it doesn't? I felt so ridiculous I high-tailed it out of there.
Dress sagas aside, we went to visit James after our Target debacle. We've been going to see him once or twice a week on his lunch breaks to go on a walk with him. I love it. It gets us some exercise, gets us out of the house, and it's not the end of the day when I'm ready to hide in the closet. 12pm Michelle is so much more sociable and friendly than 5pm Michelle. Gracie and I were supposed to go to Bible Study Wednesday morning. I hadn't been in months, but I woke up determined to get back in the habit. As I was getting ready, I asked my friend if she was going to be there, too. Turns out, it just so happened to be cancelled that week (sensing a theme of the week here?). We were all dressed up with nowhere to go, so we went on a walk with James instead, and then again yesterday. We walked in the howling wind yesterday while Gracie chattered in her stroller. James' boss drove up and said hi while I was makeup-less and not dressed for the occasion, but she saw me lying in a hospital bed after 20 hours of labor and 48 hours of no sleep wearing nothing but mesh underwear packed with ice and a nursing-friendly hospital gown that left nothing to the imagination if I moved even an inch, so I probably made a pretty good impression this time.
James is working late tonight, and I have to make a huge grocery trip. I'm making Easter dinner for my family, and somehow I have to find time to prep and cook while he's working today and tomorrow. G is a great sidekick, but lately it's been hard taking her to stores. She starts to whine after a couple minutes in the cart because I'm RIGHT THERE, so why am I not holding her?? What kind of torture is this? She raises her arms up for me to pick her up and cries and whines. I try to distract her as best I can and sometimes it works and sometimes we have to leave. The grocery store always tests both our patience, but it has to be done. Never would you think of going grocery shopping alone as a slice of paradise, but then you become a mom. And everything changes.
Let's hope I at least wear my shoes this time.