3.01.2016

the 90s called...

...and last weekend answered. It all started Friday night when James and I started Fuller House. By the end of the first episode, I had tears streaming down my face. Full House was never the best show on tv, but I've been watching it since I was tiny. I watched it when it was on the air, and just like everyone else in my generation, I watched it on ABC Family after school in the afternoons. Even though college, I watched it before class. Nothing pulls my nostalgia strings like Boy Meets World and Full House. During the Fuller House intro, I saw my childhood flash before my eyes. I felt like I was living in Nevada again, bedecked in scrunchies and Bath & Body Works Cucumber Melon body lotion. It was an emotional evening.

I went to visit my parents on Saturday. It has recently become official that they will soon be moving. Far away. Yes, I'm devastated, and all I've done lately is cry about it. They've been going through old boxes of things to get rid of before they move, and they wanted me to sort through my childhood things and take what I wanted. Well. I sorted through box after box of beanie babies, my Lisa Frank sticker collection (!!!!!), and various pictures of school field trips and summer camps, and middle school art projects (a ceramic elephant whistle?!). We found my baby toys, books, and clothes that I brought home for Gracie. I was a bundle of emotions from reliving so many memories. I was also a bundle of allergies due to the musty dustiness, and my eyes burned for days. I found two things I had hadn't seen in years, and I wasn't sure if I was happy to see them or not: my middle school journals. I stashed them in a box to bring home, and I cracked them open later that night while lying in bed. I don't think I've read them since they were written, and for good reason. I read excerpts out loud to James, and we were laughing so hard we were crying.

My tween years were rocky. I went from a little Christian school in Nevada to a public middle school in Ohio, a strange land where people said "bookbag" (wrong) instead of "backpack" and "pop" (super wrong) instead of "soda." All I wanted was to fit in and find some friends, but I was shy and awkward. Plus, 12 and 13 year old girls are the worst...and apparently I was the worst of the worst. I had blissfully forgotten how absolutely awful I was back then. Here's an excerpt, written in shimmery blue gel pen, from my purple fuzzy (seriously, ugh) 7th grade journal. All names have been changed on the off-chance someone from my hometown reads this and knows who I'm talking about. Not that it matters, but I'm feeling enough shame as it is.



April 1, 2002

Man, I am SO in <3 with Chad. APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!! I hate his slimy guts! He treated me like dirt today! He chewed me out b/c I didn't call him over break, he yelled at me b/c of some plan Allie came up w/ 2 spill food on him, I wouldn't do it (but pretty brilliant plan hehe), and one time I shrugged my shoulders, so he yelled "I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!" I was like, well, too bad. He kept staring at me in Reading & Band. Now for the GOOD news!! I'm once again in <3 w/ John!

I then ramble on for another 5 pages about how much John and I stared at each other and how dreamy it all is.

Have mercy.

If I find the nerve, I might post more journal excerpts. Maybe including the one where I no longer want to die because my mom is FINALLY letting me wear bellbottom jeans..??? Was I actually living in the 1970s? I'm not sure.

Clearly, some things are meant to stay in the past.

21 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, THAT JOURNAL. I think everyone our age had something similar to that at some point between 2000 and 2003. I never regularly kept a journal, but I did have one similar to that I used to bring to school and write notes in and rip the pages out and pass them around... after folding them into footballs, of course.

    I DO, however, have a box where I have a few tens of pages of AIM conversations printed out, for what reason I don't know. They are CRINGEWORTHY. I'm not sure how I have friends-- or how I have some of the same friends I did back then, right now.

    Where are your mom and dad moving to?! :(

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    1. I had a notebook with black pages that was reserved for writing secret messages using only MILKY PENS. I mostly wrote the lyrics of songs I liked...and I remember distinctly copying words from my Foo Fighters (super nineties cool) and Celine Dion (super nineties period) albums I got for Christmas. I am not ashamed.

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  2. This is awesome. And FTR, bell-bottom jeans were IT for a while. Until peasant tops and capri pants made a comeback (as all trends do- fashion is a series of cycles). We can't feel too badly about it, though, because now that we are all Thirty&Flirty&Thriving, we are wearing high-waisted straight-legged-spandex pants and thinking we are chic (and really we are just wearing what we made fun of our older sisters for wearing in the 80s). Retrospective humiliation is the stuff of life and I, for one, think it's hilarious.

    And as much as you are embarrassed by your 13-year-old version of a Carrie Bradshaw column, I think it's pretty standard...advanced even. I mean, you realized that once a guy treated you like dirt (Sidenote: I never understood this expression. Does it mean he walked all over you? Doused you in water and made mud-pies out of you? Swept you off the kitchen floor and emptied you into the garbage? MYSTERY!) you immediately gave him the boot. More than that, once Chad mistook you for dirt, you "hated his slimy guts", which is my new favorite phrase. You, my friend, are ahead of the curve. A lot of girls our age are still working this one out. And you had it down in your bell-bottomed days. Small victories.

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    1. I'm glad I didn't imagine the bell bottom jeans moment. I still remember my MUDD bell bottoms that I wore nearly every day. And then the peasant tops and capris. Do you remember those belts with the tassels that hung down? I was the only girl in school without one. I HATED them. God help me if those every come back in style.

      It was seriously a 2 or 3 week "relationship" with that guy, but I have NO MEMORY of what I wrote. I can only hope I wrote the truth.

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  3. Finding my old journal was one of the best/worst moments ever. Crying from laughing so hard definitely happened, but also lots of embarrassment. Ohhh 13 yr old girls are the worst, lol!!!

    LYLAS ;)

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  4. This is GREAT! Even at 12/13 you were geniusly witty. I love it!!!
    Good thing we didn't really have blogs at that age otherwise everyone would see how awkward we were (well...I still am haha).

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    1. THANK THE GOOD LORD. I would've been a nightmare on social media at that age. AIM was bad enough.

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  5. First off- cucumber melon for the win! OR, if I was feeling extra sassy, a little Country Apple went a long way as well ;) I am LOLing at your journal and praising the good Lord that I threw mine away years ago haha! I remember writing about how I was FINALLY allowed to wear roll-on glitter on my eyelids because mom agreed with me that it wasn't makeup?!?!

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  6. That's so hilarious that it's fuzzy. I was a faithful journaler from about '98 till '08 and never since. I think email and blogging have become my journal outlet. I had a very odd attitude toward journaling as a kid, though--I distinctly remember vowing to never write anything I'd be ashamed of later, and to only write down the things I wanted to remember. When I started, I was 7, so I mostly wrote about having mac-n-cheese for dinner or corn on the cob or ice cream(it's hilarious to read...but honestly, I've retained my fascination with delicious meals to this day, so it still makes sense to me why I wrote about food so much). I have some bad memories written down, but on the whole it's funny little adventures with friends or stuff my baby siblings said. My journals have a glaring absence of mentions of boys, except if they were friends and participators in some funny adventure of the day...that's because when I was 11, I decided that I would never have a crush on anyone other than a fictional character because real life crushes weren't worth the drama and hassle...and I kept that vow up until Angel. I was such a weirdly serious kid.

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  7. Oooh this is glorious! I too found my middle/elementary journals recently and it was full-on hysteria. Thank goodness for growing up.
    I'm sorry your parents are moving so far. We are currently 3000 miles from my parents. I feel your pain. I did a lot of crying when I found out we were moving. FaceTime and Instagram have been amazing at keeping me connected to my family. We FaceTime at least once a day. It's getting harder now that my kid is older (2.5) and more aware. We can't wait to move back (at least to the same state) in a few years. I told my husband that this has taught me that I just don't want to live more than a day's drive from family. I hope that y'all figure out the little things that will make your life easier as you live further apart. Good luck!

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  8. Dying, hahah!! I love this!!! And the cucumber melon body lotion BROUGHT ME BACK!

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  9. Most of my old journal was saying how much I hated my little sister and that she was the WORST (spoiler: we're best friends now). And hey! I moved from Canada to Colorado when I was 12 and that kinda sucked.

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  10. Oh my gosh! That is amazing. And yes to Fuller House and BMW!!! So much nostalgia. I like Fuller House. I read an article totally bashing it, but I think they did a good job! Super cheesy of course, but hello that's the point.

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  11. I can never decide if reading my old journal entries is more harmful or helpful. My high school ones are so dang traumatic! I'm sorry your parents are moving!! That definitely has to be tough!

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  12. I kept all my old journals from my childhood and they are exactly like yours (except mine are pink instead of purple). I keep thinking that I need to burn them because I don't want them left around as a permanent record for posterity after I die...

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  13. Hahaha! I have a bunch of my old journals somewhere, but I STILL feel too embarrassed to read them. I'll give it a few more years, maybe. ;-)

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  14. Hahaha, I wish my friends and I had kept the notebooks we used to pass notes back and forth in middle school. There is tragic, awkward, comedic GOLD in those pages, I know it.

    Also, I'm so sorry your parents are moving, but for my sake, I hope they're moving to California. Just saying.

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  15. Haha! That journal entry! And I'm with you-fuller house has made me so nostalgic!

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  16. So sorry your parents are moving :( my mom and sisters moved to WI about 4 years ago now and it's STILL the worst. Especially now having Ben and being apart. We do a pretty good job of visiting back and forth though and we facetime everyday. I definitely still cry every time we part but we always fall back into our routine and swing of things and everything is ok. I'll be praying for you girl <3

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    1. You understand! It's going to be so hard. I'm glad you're surviving it. It gives me hope.

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  17. OK you HAVE to share more!! hahaha. Nothing tickles me more than old journal entries. When I read my own they sound pretty similar to yours. SUPER overdramatic, SUPER lovey-dovey, and overall ridiculous.

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