currently, vol. 19

Laughing about: there are so many things about motherhood that no one warns you about. Especially if you're nursing and/or weaning. Which would explain why I was rotating bags of frozen vegetables under my shirt all day yesterday.

Feeling: weary. Last night is the closest thing I've had to a good night's sleep for weeks.

Eating: I just finished an everything bagel. I usually eat eggs for breakfast, but I am so tired of them. I never know what to eat for breakfast.

Listening to: Animal Fear by Marika Hackman has been playing in my head for a good two weeks now (I'm not linking to the original music video because it's creepy as heck, but the song is so good and groovy).

I've also really been chewing on the lyrics of Be Still My Soul lately. They bring me so much comfort on those hard days when peace and contentment feel so elusive.

"Be still my soul, the Lord; the Lord is on the thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; they best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; they God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below."

Drinking: you shouldn't even have to ask me that at this point in our relationship.

Reading: A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers. I wasn't so sure about it at first, but I'm fully invested in the story now.

Cooking: these beef enchiladas. So good you'll weep.

Watching: James and I have been rewatching New Girl. Just like The Office, it never gets less funny.  I've always been a lover of Schmidt (and always will be!) but Nick is killing me this time around.

Planning: summer roadtrips to visit family and friends, and wedding activities for one of my best friend's wedding in a few months. And also trying to figure out what to do today. I'm so off-kilter this week I can't figure out what to do with myself.

Learning: History is becoming a serious passion of mine. If it was at all in the realm of possibility, I would go back to school for it. After becoming a meteorologist, of course. I just finished reading Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys, which is a novel based on the true story of the sinking of the Wilhelm Gustloff, a ship that rescued refugees from the Baltic regions in WWII that sank and killed over 9,000 people. Now that I'm reading Voice in the Wind, I want to learn more about the Roman Empire. I just want to know everything about everything. I have too many interests and not enough time!

Dreaming: the other night I dreamed that a very popular blogger called me to tell me I won a giveaway on her blog. She was incredibly rude and was annoyed when I asked her to repeat what she said, because I was in a van full of kids (???). She asked if they were my foster kids, and when I explained that I was just babysitting, she told me I was a horrible person for not fostering kids. It was the strangest thing. I woke up confused and then fell back to sleep to dream about tornados, a reoccurring theme in my dreams for as long as I can remember. I should start selling my tornado dreams to Hollywood; they are so dramatic they're guaranteed to be the next Twister.


  1. You're still not sleeping well? I'm so sorry. The summer I was in two weddings & also trying to wean I was sleeping like crap too! Maybe it's part of the weaning process? I don't know. I do know that weaning is crazy hormonal & crazy hormones effect my sleep like nothing else!

    I'm over here with sore boobs, because my lovely teething 7 month old bit me yesterday & again this morning on the same side! I honestly don't know if my nursing relationship with this one will ever be completely pain free!

  2. Ugh, I remember those sleep deprived days all to well!

  3. Wow... that's a crazy dream. I haven't been able to get my dream from last night out of my head. I was at the beach with my mom, my uncle (my dad's brother), and my brother's fiancee. And we were at a beach house. And it was night time and we were down by the ocean and suddenly the tide was super, super low... so we walked out as far as we could. And there were cars parked way out in the sand where the ocean used to be. And then suddenly I saw this huge tidal wave coming back in to the beach and I was like, "RUN!" and my uncle and I made it back. And then we found my mom, who swam back in, but my brother's fiancee was lost in the ocean. And I was the ONLY ONE freaked out about it. So I called the FBI. And then 30 minutes later my brother's fiancee appeared and my uncle and I were so happy.
    Sorry. That was long and weird. But I just had to get it out of my brain! Haha!

  4. Love those lyrics! Beautiful :)
    I feel your struggle- I want to do and learn everything! It really overwhelms me at times.

    1. Yes! Me too! I wish I could get three more degrees. And learn new hobbies. I JUST LOVE LEARNING.

  5. Francine Rivers is my favourite author! My favourite book being Atonement Child which I've read at least a dozen times. All her books are so different and interesting. The Mark of the Lion series is right at the top. I don't know if you've read her other stuff, but every book is awesome!

  6. "Be Still My Soul" is one of my favorite hymns. Great lyrics!

    Nick Miller is THE BEST.

  7. I will never not be thoroughly entertained by your dreams. NEVER!!

    I love New Girl so much. There's so many one-liners that are so funny, but I forget about-- I just re watched an older episode where one of Schmidt's girlfriends is leaving and he says "Barb is leaving!" and Nick says "Oh, Barb, like the elephant!" and Schmidt says "That's Babar, you dum-dum". And his delivery of it is SO spot on, I had to pause the episode to control my LOLing.

    Miss you terribly!!! Can't wait to see you in approximately 51 days!!!

    1. ^re:Schmidt's pronunciation: I agree! It's his best attribute. I sent a screenshot (bc I'm too old school for SnapChat) to Brandon of the wedding planning episode when he's talking about colored folders on his desktop organized by purpose and he says, "And the Groomsmen Tuxes are under Magenta because MA-GENTLEMEN (pounds chest) will be wearing the dope tuxes."

      I love Nick forever. And Winston. I can't help it. The guy kills me. I would watch the show if it were just called "Winston". Or "The adventures of Winston and Ferguson"

    2. We were watching the episode where Nick is leaving to move in with Caroline, but then freaks out and drives to the desert instead and throws his keys into the wilderness. We had to rewind when Winston said "Somebody keep an eye on Schmidt. He's a Jew in the desert, I don't want him to wander." WE WERE DYING.

  8. LOOK AT YOU GUYS. Let me be your nanny, please. Let me just hang out with y'all.

    Everything bagels <33 My #1 breakfast weakness.

    Plz sell your tornado dreams to Hollywood. Can you believe the OG Twister came out 20 YEARS ago? I just fell over. I remember going to the movies to see it!

  9. Everything bagels are pretty much my favorite thing in the entire world! New Girl-- so SO good. I loved it the first go around, and have watched it through at least once, but probably closer to 2x (I skip around episodes a lot haha) and I just love it more each time!

  10. I can't get enough of Gracie's hair!!!

    I need to watch New Girl! What the heck is wrong with me!

    Between you & Kate, you girls have the craziest dreams and I absolutely love hearing them.

    I hope you get a good nights sleep soon and in the mean time there is more coffee :)


      I had an even crazier dream last night. I think I need to make a blog series on this.

      Thank you! I actually slept decently last night :)

  11. Love Be Still My Soul! One of my favorite hymns.

  12. tornado dreams have been my recurring nightmare my entire life too!! I had one last week when I saw a picture of a funnel cloud that formed in Heber while we were gone. So dramatic, and so terrifying. I wake up sweating every time.

  13. Have you watched the show Reign at all? It's available on Netflix, and it's about Mary, Queen of Scots. I think your little history loving heart would adore it, and it's actually somewhat historically accurate. The score is fantastic too. I have an obsession with the history of monarchies for some reason, just like you have a love for WWII.


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