So last week. Gracie and I were both sick with a nasty cold, to the point that we were housebound for seven full days. Not only were we sick, but the insomnia hit again out of the blue, and I was awake for FORTY HOURS STRAIGHT. I honestly didn't know I was capable of that. I was once awake for 26 hours while traveling, but back in the carefree days of college I had the luxury of sleeping all day and night once I got home. Plus, I got to watch the sun rise over the Manhattan skyline from a plane, and that is something I will not ever forget. My sleep has been dicey ever since that fateful night, so I've been forgetting words and walking into things and just overall functioning on the level of someone in the grips of senility. On the up side, I read two books in three days.

On top of all that excitement, James was working long hours, so I was responsible for the life and wellbeing of my child after being awake for two days straight. I broke all the good-mom rules and broke out the processed foods and Winnie the Pooh. All in the name of survival. Once Saturday afternoon rolled around, I left the offspring home with her father and gleefully volunteered to go grocery shopping, one of my least favorite chores. It's just barely above scrubbing toilets.

Motherhood: when grocery shopping alone is less chore and more tropical vacation.

I waltzed down the aisles. I smiled at everyone I passed. I couponed. I bought ice cream. I breathed the sweet air of freedom. I came home and made a huge lasagna and homemade garlic bread. Being cooped up for a week will do that to a girl. My good mood evaporated only when a group of 13 hooligans started a volleyball game right outside our window, right as Gracie fell asleep for the night. I quietly stormed around the house complaining and threatening to scream at them if they woke up the babe. A few minutes later, a rain cloud came literally out of nowhere and rained out their game.

"Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." -Romans 12:19

"That's not how it works, Michelle." -James

 In this instance, we've agreed to disagree.

I broke free of my house arrest on Friday, and I'm still relishing the feeling of LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. Gracie and I took a long afternoon walk yesterday, and I pranced down the sidewalk with the stroller, bopping to Ben Folds and playing air piano on the stroller handle. We had to run to Walmart this morning, and I took my time, slowly walking down the aisles of things I care nothing about. We are out of the house, and by golly I will cherish it!

If only our excursions wore me out as much as they do Gracie. I could really use the sleep.


  1. Girl. You are way too funny! Gotta laugh so we don't cry, right?!

  2. Hahaha! If only the Romans card could be invoked at will. That could be very useful...(chin in hand, fingernail drumming).

    Also I think Emily Boucher could speak to the freedom of kid-less grocery shopping. At this point in my life, I'm nearly always kidless, and still detest grocery shopping. I'm sure that will all change...eventually. Sidenote- can you teach me to make lasagna because now I want it. Extra garlic bread, thank you.

    And Ben Folds (praise + holla emojis). I truly love that dude. I can't tell you how much I've worn out my Whatever and Ever Amen album. I've even scoured Spotify for any live versions of the same exact tracks- just because I love them that much. FYI- "Selfless, Cold, and Composed" from the Ben Folds Five Live album might be my favorite. Or his cover of Tiny Dancer. I can't choose. ANYWAY- Ben Folds is ace.

    Also- I am sorry that I have been reduced to inserting not just emojis, but descriptions of emojis, to properly articulate my feelings. The 21st century has ruined me for all humanity.

    (cry face)

    1. That's my favorite album of his! His piano playing is superhuman. I have one of his live albums and it's just insane. Have you seen him in concert? I think I cried. (heart eye emoji)

    2. YES! Once when he opened for John Mayer at SPAC. But it was the summer before college and I think I had a thermos full of boxed wine so that magic was completely wasted on me. I hope to see him again though!!

  3. Aw man.. I hope you catch up on sleep soon! I'm giggling so hard over your Bible verse. That's awesome.

  4. 40 hours?! How are you even alive? Also, I once walked into a house party across the street in my mom uniform (yoga pants and a dirty t shirt), turned off the music, and declared "If you wake my sleeping child there will be hell to pay!". Apparently being a mother will stifle the shy in you. Who knew?

  5. We've been watching Winnie the Pooh for months so I've long ago lost my good mom card. ;) YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

  6. What is with motherhood causing insomnia? I, too, sometimes suffer from it but never, ever on that scale. Could you imagine if children were sometimes away for 40 hours? We'd be quoting Revelations.

    1. Awake. Away would be a motherhood vacation of bliss and leaky boobs.

    2. Awake. Away would be a motherhood vacation of bliss and leaky boobs.

  7. Hi Michelle!! Here from Jenny's place, as promised. You are too, too funny!!
    Obviously, God was on your side that day!!
    Great quote, very appropriate use, I'd say!
    My email is purple.librarian@hotmail.com.
    I look forward to your email, so I can give you my address, for my friendship bracelet.
    You weren't joking about THAT, were you????

  8. I say that's as valid an interpretation of scripture as any! Certainly sounds like divine vengeance to me. Grocery shopping with only one child sitting in the cart, or cooking dinner while someone else entertains the kids, are my versions of a holiday these days.

  9. Motherhood makes you appreciate things you never would have otherwise, I think. I'm glad you guys are both feeling better!


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