5.10.2016

you're killing it, fellow mom



Motherhood is wonderful and the best and my favorite thing ever, but it's hard. Not only is it hard and demanding, but we're often fielding insults and judgments and rude comments from others for our choices. Sometimes it seems like moms spend more time slinging snide comments to each other than building each other up. I'll be the first to admit I'm not fully innocent. And if there is ANYTHING moms need, it's encouragement. In the words of my dear friend Anna, WHERE IS THE MOM SOLIDARITY?

Instead of getting huffy about working vs. staying at home or natural birth vs. epidural (which is what, a fake birth?), we should start complimenting each other. Excessively. Because! Maybe that mom you're annoyed with is dealing with a lot of heavy things like losing family and spending days wondering if the postpartum depression is trying to come back. Or maybe she's not! But even on our best days, we could all use some encouragement. Raising a human is NOT EASY AND WE NEED HELP.

Some examples:

-Wait a minute! You're telling me you got yourself showered and dressed and fed and clothed and fed your baby and kept your baby alive all day? You are a literal superhero.

-You work full-time? You are an amazing and responsible mom doing what's best for your family and you have nothing to be ashamed about.

-You stay at home? You are an amazing and responsible mom doing what's best for your family and you have nothing to be ashamed about.

-You carried that baby for 9 months and gave birth (or adopted!) and you've kept your kid fed with formula or nursing or both or grass-fed gluten-free organic free-range goat's milk and you're all alive and relatively happy? GO BUY YOURSELF A COFFEE. And a cookie. On me! Let's celebrate!

We are killing it. All of us. Motherhood looks different for every one of us because our lives are different and require different things. We all love our kids more than life. WE'VE GOT THIS.

Group hug!

20 comments:

  1. love this! The world has too much negativity, too many unrealistic expectations. Let's just all agree that everyone is different and have their own ways but that we can still cheer each other on in life. Because adulting in any of its forms is harrddddd.
    Preach, preacher!

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    1. YES. Life in general is just hard and we're making it even harder on each other. Love you. So much.

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  2. YES. Cookies and coffees for all the moms of the world. We've got this!

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  4. I always want to fist bump moms whenever I see them. Like, hello, friend! It is hard for so many different reasons. I'm trying desperately to find joy in working and not be so up/down about it constantly and feel so guilty about stuff for no reason. My friend called it imaginary guilt, which I thought was so accurate!

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  5. Obviously I'm not a mom but I agree wholeheartedly. I kind of feel like this whole uptight mom-judgy-ness is a first world thing. Case in point--I recently read a story that went viral about an American mom who took a picture of her 7 year old daughter riding a motorcycle with the mom's boyfriends, with a helmet, in a state where it is legal for kids that age to ride motorcycles...and the internet went crazy with condemning her. Now, I wouldn't put my own kids on a motorcycle, but I let the toddlers I take care of get picked up by their mom or dad on a motorbike every single day because cars are luxuries and multiple small, helmet-less children on motorbikes are everyday life here. There's no time for judgment when life is simply about surviving.

    However...not all moms are doing an awesome job. Some are downright evil. Just having celebrated Mother's Day...and, as always, remembering a very close family member whose mother threw her food on the floor and told her to eat like a dog because she was one, and she should have never been born, and locked her in closets for hours, etc....and because of that, I don't feel quite able to say "mother's always right."

    In normal situations that don't involve extreme evilness, though, moms are great and help their kids get to adulthood the way they can!! What I love about my mom and all my aunts is that they are all really, really different in their child-raising methods...and they're all best friends and love each other like crazy. You don't have to only like people who are the same as you.

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  6. Group hug! Kids (and you) are alive at the end of the day? High five.

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  7. I'm not even a mom but i'm cheering for more solidarity, like you said!! So well put friend!!

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  8. As someone who can barely remember to change the cat litter-- I can't imagine how anyone takes care of an actual human baby. I really can't. So all the props and credit for doing it. And *slaying* it :)

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  9. You go, girl! I'm not a mom, but I think you're doing great! I fully acknowledge that you've been through things and struggle with things that I have never ever thought about- all moms have! You guys are awesome :)

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  10. I love this. I wrote a post JUST like this (like I think we used some of the same words, so we're obviously twins) after I had Amelia. I was just so sick of all the in-fighting, and when you're a mom, and you're doing the best you can, I wanted people to realize that means you're doing it right.

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    1. It's exhausting, isn't it? And so discouraging.

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  11. YES ALL OF THIS. Bring it, group hug!

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  12. Somedays I doubt if I'm going to be able to keep myself alive until bedtime. So anyone who can keep themselves AND a baby alive and well has my eternal admiration.

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  13. I love it! Mom-ing is hard. We are constantly judging our own choices, we certainly don't need someone else doing that for us! I will agree with you in the fact I myself, am not completely innocent in the "mom-shaming." It is easier to point out another Mom’s shortcomings rather than face my own fears & insecurities.

    It is okay to need help, it is okay to breast feed, it is okay to bottle feed, its okay to have an epidural, its okay to choose not to have an epidural, it is okay to be annoyed and frustrated sometimes, it is okay the baby weight isn’t sliding off like all those damn celebrities on instagram. None of those things make us bad mom’s, hell if anything it shows we are human.

    Sometimes a little encouragement goes along way. It is not easy, but we are doing the best we can! And girl, I think you are killing it ;)

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    1. Yes! Exactly! I'm just trying to find the confidence to assure myself of my own choices, let alone the rest of the world! I've never been the best at extending grace, but I'm trying to work on that. We all need it! You're killing it too, Emily!

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  14. Yeheheeeeeeessss! Thank you ❤️

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  15. Yes, yes we are killing it. Thanks!

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