10.14.2016

the next thing you know, she'll be sneaking out of the house at night

Life has been a wild ride lately.

And by that I mean my in-laws were just here.

They drove up from the Carolinas through the remnants of Hurricane Matthew, loaded with stories of flooding and disaster. My world never fails to implode every time they're here. I don't know what it is. Usually it involves me being sick, but this time James and Gracie were the sick ones. Gracie also stopped sleeping. Just stopped sleeping. She was up past midnight one night, and I was so frustrated that once she fell asleep, I was up the rest of the night. The next night my insomnia showed up, and I got maybe two hours of sleep. I slept about a combined total of 4 hours in 48 hours, and I had the privilege of entertaining my MIL and her mother while James, that lucky son of a gun, got to go to work. Entertaining them was not difficult as they wanted to spend their two full days here exploring the same mall. I half-dozed on mall couches while they tried on clothes and gushed over every store they saw, claiming they never see stores like this in North Carolina. I smiled and nodded, knowing full well they have two equally impressive malls 45 minutes away from their homes.

They were very upset with me when I had to spoil their fun and pull them away from the mall since it was past Gracie's lunch and nap time. They don't believe in naps or bedtimes, and told me that such strict rules of this kind will only cause her to rebel as a teenager. They clucked their disapproval and rolled their eyes when either one was mentioned. Gracie chose that day to betray me and refuse to nap. My MIL rewashed my clean dishes, telling me she doesn't believe in dishwashers with her mother echoing the sentiment in the background.

It was a long few days, but I'm glad Gracie got to see her southern half of the family. They were very sweet and bought us all some new things, and James' grandma left a delicious caramel cake with us that she made. I dove into it mouth first every evening once they were back at the hotel. The cake helped drown out the buzzing in my head from a full day spent with two loud and chatty women who sound like Paula Deen and refer to PF Chang's as "Jackie Chan's."

The morning they left, I woke up with a cold. Gracie woke up the next morning overcome with mischief. She started climbing the stairs when I wasn't paying attention. I got lax with the baby gate since she never showed much interest, but now she zooms up the stairs whenever the urge hits and I'm not looking. She pulled all the toothpaste out of the bathroom drawer, and had me literally jumping out of the shower mid-shampoo when I thought she was squeezing toothpaste on the floor. Turns out, I just need to wear my contacts in the shower. While sitting in her high chair, she pushed a dining room chair over, causing it to fall on a bookshelf, which pushed the cookbooks over, which knocked a frame off the wall. She threw her shoes and socks on the floor in the grocery store, tried to climb on the stove and dump the salt out of the salt shaker, pulled things out of the fridge, and was thisclose to figuring out how to unlock the front door when I told her it's not time to go outside. She's also on the verge of unbuckling her carseat. If you're wondering, the answer is yes. Yes I did buy myself a donut at the grocery store.

All this toddler mischief is probably because I made her take a nap today. All those rules will make a child rebel, you know.

17 comments:

  1. I read the last line in The Desperate Housewives narration voice. LOL
    You are an amazing story teller, my friend!

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  2. i swear, i was THERE WITH YOU just now. and now i have anxiety haha.

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    1. SO DO I. I never have quiet enough time to recover before they visit again.

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  3. JACKIE CHAN'S...I'm dying. What a nightmare. I can't wait until Gracie is old enough that you can relay these stories to her. I would LOVE it if my mom had stories like this. The best she has is that my grandma once cut my hair from mid-back to bowl-cut without asking.

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  4. Oooh, girl. You NEED the weekend. I hope you find a few mischief-free moments alone!

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  5. What a week! That's nice that they stayed at a hotel. I always find it awkward when we have house guests I feel the need to impress so I actually get dressed every morning before leaving my room. It's stressful. And what do you do at night with them? They don't like my tv shows!

    I feel the way about naps like Charlton Heston feels about guns. Only from my cold dead hands will anyone undermine naptime. I'm sorry Gracie decided that was the perfect time to rebel. I would have sent her back down south with them.

    We've had our own crazy week so you're not alone. I just pulled a giant cookie from the oven for my supper. No shame. Eat the doughnut.

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  6. Jackie Chan's. I am dying.

    I also cannot believe she rewashed clean dishes!! My MIL was over one time and she dropped a lemon for her tea on the kitchen floor. I quickly said, "Oh let me get you a new one!" and she said, "Oh no, I'll get it, I know the floor is clean!" And literally in half a second she bent down to pick up the lemon and then wiped the floor with her napkin, and let's just say the evidence on the napkin showed THE FLOOR WAS NOT THAT CLEAN. It was horrifying. God bless her, she didn't say a word, but now she knows you cannot eat off my floor, and that 1970s faux brick linoleum hides the dirt well.

    A donut? I think you need a dozen.

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  7. What is it with in-laws and nap time?!? You'd think our kids were the first ever generation to take naps and that we just invented them for our MIL's discomfort & inconvenience. Bless you, woman. I always hibernate after my in-laws visit. And seriously pray that I learn from the experience for my own kids-in-law one day.
    Signing my name Steph (in case this thing won't ID me;)

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    1. Yours too?! They were SO WEIRD about the naps! Our household disintegrates if the baby is not well-rested and I didn't get a little time to recharge.

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  8. "If you're wondering, the answer is yes. Yes I did buy myself a donut at the grocery store."

    insert laughing crying emoji

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  9. I'm still cracking up at Jackie Chan's. Gracie is so funny! She's probably just trying to escape to another bookstore ;)

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  10. Wow. Sounds like you had quite a visit with them. Glad you survived.

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  11. So glad you bought yourself a donut. You definitely deserved that!! I'm glad that y'all got to see relatives, but yes: spending time with in-laws (and even my own family) is exhausting. My in-laws came to visit us for Labor Day weekend, and while it was great, I had to take a full 2-3 days afterwords to rest up and get our normal routines running again.

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  12. I have actual tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Please never stop writing like this.

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  13. Naps--such newfangled contraptions!
    In-laws are so interesting. Angel has completely won over all 4 of my cantankerous grandparents. With my experience of in-laws...I'm kind of glad I never met his grandparents (he has one living grandma, but she still lives in her home village in Mexico)--parents are hard enough.

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  14. Jackie Chan's, lol! Glad to know I'm not the only one with a tiny rebel on their hands.

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