1.11.2017

buzzwords and why you shouldn't

My dad is very successful in the business and management world. As I was growing up, he would often come home after a meeting and rant about the business world's newest buzzwords. There was always a list of pretentious new words to take the place of older words, for no reason other than to make yourself sound more important and knowledgeable. He hated this (and still does, rightfully so). My biggest problem at the time was my math homework (literally--lots of big math problems), so I didn't fully understand his disdain.

Well. I get it now.

I'm not in the business world (praise hands), but I am in the blogging and social media world (kind of the same thing as business these days, no?). And whew boy, are there plenty of buzzwords out there. And I hate every single one of them. I will admit, I think I have more pet peeves than the average person, but the slaughter and abuse of the English language cuts me deep. It's not that these words are wrong, it's just that I find them really annoying. Which, in my esteemed opinion, basically means they're wrong. I realize I'm a curmudgeon who hates change and snapchat, but sometimes I really wish we spoke like a Jane Austen novel instead of karate-chopping "very" into "v." and thinking it's cute.

I tend to be a very snarky person. I don't mean any harm by it, but it often pours out of me when I'm not actively reigning it in. My blog posts used to be so full of snark they most likely came off as rude and offensive at times, but I've tried to tone it down and be kind and loving instead. But there is a time and a place for everything.

Today is the time for snark.

If you'll allow me, I would like to present the list of words and terms that I would like to ban from society. Some are valid, some are ridiculous and only annoy me, but all of this is just in good fun, so just chill out already.

+ Source, as in sourcing food. This one has blown up and I roll my eyes every time I hear it. It makes me think of this Portlandia skit  where they want to know the entire life story about the chicken before ordering it. When I was at a blogger brunch a few years ago, a girl literally tried to swipe a bowl of fruit salad out of my hands, because the fruit obviously wasn't in season in Ohio in February and we must source local foods and only eat seasonally or you will get cancer. Yes, she said those actual words. So basically I probably have a personal issue with this word. Just stop worrying about your chicken and just chew it already.

+ Gift. Not as a noun, but as a verb. Gift, when functioning as a noun as GOD INTENDED, is one of the most beautiful words in the English language. Then Satan showed up to twist and contort it into a verb, so people say things like "He gifted me that necklace." And then my ears bleed, because he gave you/bought you that necklace and we already have enough words to express that thought, and saying "He gifted it to me" sounds so pretentious that I immediately picture you wearing boat shoes, khakis, a polo shirt, and a cardigan.

+ Wifey/Hubby. You should not be allowed to get married if you use either of those words, as the only explanation is that you're still 12 years old. The cute-ifying of words makes me throw up more than when I was pregnant. And that's saying something.

+ Preggo/Preggers/etc. See above reasoning, also I'm pretty sure a pregnant woman is not a jar of pasta sauce. The only other forms of pregnant I will deem acceptable are these, because they're hilarious. Just say "pregnant." It's really not that hard, and I won't have to unfriend you.

+ Do life with. Several friends brought this term up when I had a twitter meltdown over stupid words a few months ago. I could not agree more. When I was in college, the church I went to frequently used this term when referencing Bible studies and small groups. "We want to do life with you." I physically twitched every time. I want you to do shutting up.

+ Littles/Smalls/Bigs. These have become common words when describing children. Pass me the barf bag. Did you know there's already a word for this? It's kids. Also children. Also infant, baby, toddler, adolescent, teenager, etc. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. It's not cute, it's foolish.

+Tribe/Squad/#squadgoals: Are we Native Americans? A cheerleading squad? WHY IS TAYLOR SWIFT TELLING US HOW TO SPEAK AND WHY ARE WE LETTING HER? Whenever someone says "my tribe" or "my squad," I immediately know I don't want to be a part of it. Remember when we just used to say....group of friends? Is that as outdated as the VCR now? Pardon me while I clutch my pearls.

+ Babywearing. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING, YOU GUYS, PUT THIS ONE OUT OF ITS MISERY. My baby is not an article of clothing! You're carrying your baby in a baby carrier or a wrap.  You're not putting your baby over your head and stretching your arms through him or her. I'll just be over here pushing the stroller, or as I like to call it, babystrolling.

+ Crunchy. The whole "crunchy mom" diatribe is the most obnoxious thing in the world. I'm all for natural stuff and whatnot, and that's super cool if your beef is grass-fed and organic and definitely gluten-free, but it's become such a passive aggressive mom war thing. No wonder I'm not friends with "crunchy moms." I've always enjoyed smooth peanut butter better.

+ Foodie. Jim Gaffigan said it best when he said "I'm not a foodie; I'm an eatie." Preach on, brother Jim. The word "foodie" is the King of Pretension. I was listening to a podcast the other day, and one woman said "We're all foodies in my family, so we would never use a crockpot. Gross." And then she lost me completely. I love good, fancy food, but seriously I am never happier than when eating pizza. I just want healthy, wholesome, delicious food I can make and eat at home while my toddler tugs on my pants and pulls them down and cries for me to hold her. If the words "molecular gastronomy" are involved, I'll see myself out.

+ Selfie. I think I can speak for many of us when I say that this word needs to jump off a very high cliff. I don't even care if people take pictures of themselves as long as they're not calling it a selfie. It brings me immediate visions of the Kardashians. The only known cure is to read a dictionary. However, with the direction of our language lately, I'm not even sure I can recommend a dictionary anymore. Read some Dickens instead.

+ On Fleek. I almost didn't include this because I'm not sure I actually know what it means. I hate it so much that I black out whenever I hear or read it. I'll just be over here saying "the cat's pajamas" instead. Be a dear and hand me my AARP card.


What do you think? Do you agree/disagree? What did I leave out? I'm so worked up I could go on all day.

23 comments:

  1. YES!!!!! ALL OF THESE, AND ALL CAPITAL LETTERS TO HOPEFULLY COMMUNICATE JUST HOW *MUCH* I AGREE WITH ALL OF THESE.

    A certain family member of mine is constantly asking me how my hubby is doing and every time I want to be a sarcastic biotch and text back, "I don't have one of those. Do you mean my husband?"

    Can I add "bae" to this list?

    Also, what the frick and frack does "crunchy" even mean when in reference to a person? I mean, I know how to use it in a sentence (though I refuse) but how on earth did this get to be such a popular term? Because granola is crunchy?? Newsflash, most granola is 99% sugar and 1% cardboard and most "crunchy moms" I know won't even eat it.

    I could go on for DAYYYYYYYYS about the depressing butchering of the English language...hold me back...

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    1. HOW COULD I FORGET BAE?! Only acceptable when standing for "bacon and eggs." Otherwise, zip it.

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  2. Haha, this made me laugh, because I hate all those trendy words too! I have used "hubby" and "littles" in the past, but not very often - and I'll be more cognizant now, lest I sound like a 12 year old. This isn't a butchering of the English language, just a VERY overused word - but my eyes start to glaze over when I hear the word "intentional". Just because EVERYONE SAYS IT. And really, do we have to be intentional about EVERYTHING? I say no. I'm perfectly fine being non-intentional about certain areas of my life and saving my stress hormones for more important things.

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    1. YES! Intentional is one of those words that has lost all meaning due to overuse. It's been driving me crazy too!

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  3. Any political buzzwords used by the left -"safe place", "you bigot, racist, xenophobic blah blah"
    Also, you would love my birth father's wife. She makes up words. (Example "posey" in place of "selfie"). It doesn't annoy me but I know I can't look directly at Ryan when she says things otherwise I will explode with giggles. I really should start a dictionary with her sayings! 😂
    I think buzzwords sometimes show that you can't really think or feel for yourself.

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    1. How ON EARTH could I forget political buzzwords? For crying out loud. I could write a book on them! I think I blocked out politics after the election. Bigot/safe space/homophobe are just a few of the ones that have made me want to riot in the streets.

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    2. ALSO. I could not agree more that buzzwords sometimes show that you can't think for yourself. I don't understand people who hop on all the bandwagons. I'm so glad you said that because I feel the same way.

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  4. "I realize I'm a curmudgeon who hates change " <-- probably my favorite thing you've ever written.

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  5. Gift as a verb literally makes me feel physically sick. Do life with makes me roll my eyes as far back into my head as they will go. I think I added this to your twitter rant, but furbaby is unacceptable.

    For YEARS my dad thought selfie was "cell-fie." Because you take it with your cell phone. Obviously.

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    1. I meant to add furbaby! YOUR PET IS NOT A BABY.

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  6. "Do life with" doesn't bug me, but probably because we use it at our church so it's just part of the norm. We're young and hip and do life together life some people do brunch.

    Pergante. This video is the only way to say it now.

    I agree with the inclusion of bae. I'm not even sure how to pronounce it properly I just know it's annoying.

    My issue with baby wearing is that I can't not say it. It's so ridiculous, but just so easy to say.

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  7. In the past I've had some of my more charismatic Christian friends say, "They just need loved on" or "I'm going to Africa to love on people". It always made me cringe a bit.

    And maybe it's just me but the blog word was all about "sans" for a while.

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    1. That phrase has always annoyed me too! You love someone, you don't love ON them. UGH!

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  8. I'll be honest, I haven't even heard of HALF OF THESE!

    and I have to admit, at times I've used the word "preggo" but only because I heard it on Juno when he says, "Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it." and that term stuck with me ever since.

    I have also used "squad" in reference to Landon and Josh. Because they might be the furthest thing from a squad.

    Annnnd I use "on fleek" probably the most out of this list, mainly because I also have no idea what it means. I'm pretty sure I use it incorrectly every time. Same with the dab. I don't know when to do it, so when I'm around my cousins who are in jr. high, I do it as often as possible and they shake their heads in disappointment. And that's when I realized I'm 80 years old.

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    1. one more thing, "crunchy" was one of the terms listed above that I haven't heard, but it makes me want to gag.

      It reminds me of this girl I used to work with who used the word "crusty" when she didn't like something. She'd be like, "Oh, that is crusty." and I literally had talk myself out of heaving every time.

      Crunchy mom makes me feel the same way. *shudders*

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  9. GAH to all of them but especially tribe, littles, gifted, and do life with. Shudder. I will say I was guilty of the hubby/wifey thing when we first got married (I think I'll give newlyweds a pass) but it must have just sizzled out without me realizing it ;)

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    1. I'm pretty sure I went through a "hubs" phase when we were first married. I blame the newlywed goggles ;) We all get a pass for that first year or so.

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  10. babystrolling. LOL. I agree in theory with your reasons for hating babywearing, but seriously it's SO much easier to say than "I am carrying my baby in a wrap" or "I am wrapping cloth around myself and putting my baby inside to carry around." I mean I barely have time to take a shower. I don't have time to say all of that, right???

    I hate hate furbaby. So much.

    I don't mind "do life with" or "tribe." Maybe I've just succumbed to the hip culture or whatever, but I get it. You have a group of people who just get you, they're your people. Your tribe. I guess it does sound kind of Native Americany, though! haha. Although squad is dumb.

    But my main comment needs to be about snarky writing. I love it so much. Sometimes I get internet trolls who write comments on old blog posts and get really upset about whatever it is I've said, and I'm like HELLO I'm intentionally being snarky! Get a sense of humor or go away. This is why I think we'd be friends in real life. That or we'd hate each other. I don't think there's a middle ground here.

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  11. "Do life" is the only one I've used before. I HATE hubby. More than that, I hate wifey. Never needed to use babywearing, because well... Presley hated all carriers. If you ever find out what exactly "on fleek" means, let me know. I still don't get it.

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  12. This is fantastic!!! I will confess that I used "preggo" once, I think, when typing something out in a Facebook group. Since I usually can only type with one hand, thanks to a baby who insists on nursing and/or sleeping on my lap the majority of the day, it's way easier to type out that word than "pregnant."

    I have no clue what on fleek means either. The only reason why I know some of these words/phrases exist is because of one of my brothers, who is currently in college and will use them. But I don't get it-I'm only 23 years old, has language really changed that much in the past couple years?

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  13. Probably the biggest, baddest one on your list is "do life with." I so.....so....so don't fit in with that 'culture' or whatever that creepy thing means but I'll probably start inching imperceptibly out of the room the minute I hear it.
    But most of these terms I have only ever seen on the internet. And, related to the internet, on the instagram of my teenager brother-in-law. Mostly I don't think teenagers should be on the internet...

    Your intro and the words your Dad came home from work complaining about brought back memories of my Dad coming home from work with new words he'd been using in factory management. The difference was, he implemented the words in managing our family--for example "FIFO" --first in, first out, in reference to organization of our kitchen pantry. And asking "Is the kanban full?" to know whether we were all in our appropriate seats in the car and the car was full of children. Sometimes I realize how weird my childhood was...

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  14. Once you go down the "wifey/hubby" rabbit hole, there's no telling what will happen. I can't name names because I think I blacked out and forgot everything from that entire day, but once I read a blog where the husband was referred to as "The Hubsters."

    We're guilty of saying "littles" and "bigs," but only to each other to differentiate between the 6 of them. We kind of have two sets of closely-spaced children with a gap of 3.5 years between the sets. So it's easier to yell out the door, "I'll take the littles, you drive the bigs and we'll meet you there!"

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