life lately

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when you need your kids to sleep the most, they won't. We've been in survival mode around here. Gracie's in a phase of not napping. It's not going so well for any of us. Today I sat on the kitchen table crying into a box of chocolate while she screamed in the muted monitor after having a tantrum so bad it probably set off an earthquake in the Pacific. It was a low point for us both, more so for me because I've only slept 7 of the last 48 hours. After sleeping like a rock for a week, I was awake all night Sunday night without even a minute of sleep. Monday was one of the hardest days ever, made that much worse by the current nap strike. Everyone's spouses seemed to get the day off for President's Day, but James had to work his 14 hour day, so I had no choice but to suck it up. I managed to drive to Target since we were down to our last two diapers. If you let your diaper supply run low, it is guaranteed you'll be forced to make a diaper run during a blizzard or while so sick or tired you can't stand up without support. I've experienced it all. As we were leaving, I realized Pooh Bear was lost somewhere in the vast wilderness of Target. We found him next to the clearance toddler shoes, but on our wild goose chase, we lost her hat. Another mom found it for me and immediately said "I've had days like yours, I understand." When we got home and I changed into sweats, I realized my bra had been inside out all day. I didn't even know that could happen.

Back to today. James texted me during the tantrum of the century that he's sick with a fever, so I can expect to get that in about 2-4 days. Maybe sooner, because I've got some nasty body aches already. So much to look forward to! I also had to quit Mops. I haven't been able to go since October due to illness and schedule conflicts, and it was just not the right group for me. Plus, if you don't sign up for two dishes to bring to a themed meal you're not even sure you can attend, you WILL get a very nasty email. I don't have time for that kind of stress in my life when I can't even put my bra on correctly.

On the upside, the weather has been in the 60s all week. Usually we're buried in snow and ice, so my bare arms are very confused. The windows have been open and it's been glorious. I've been trying to run the energy out of Gracie so she'll nap. It's not exactly working, but it is fueling her overtired evening meltdown, so that's something. Her exhaustion has somehow been energizing her. I wish mine would do the same thing. All day long, Gracie asks to "go play swing? go bye bye and play swing?" We've been walking to our neighborhood park every day so she can swing. She LOVES it. She hasn't wanted to go near the swings since summer, but she's suddenly become obsessed with them again. There's a hanging bridge on the playground that she's been too scared to walk on because it bounces, but after practicing a few times she started running across it and yelling "I did it!" Her vocabulary is exploding lately. Which honestly might have something to do with her lack of naps. Developmental milestones and all that. Necessary and wonderful, but they ruin lives in the process.

The weekend before Valentine's Day, James and I managed to go on a date. We went out for dinner and saw Hidden Figures. It was FANTASTIC. On our way home, I told him I already want to see it again. The whole theater was clapping throughout the movie. You know it's a good movie when people can't help themselves and start applauding. The soundtrack was also insanely good, and I had to physically stop myself from getting up and dancing. We considered that our Valentine's activity, which is good because we never even saw each other on Valentine's Day. I tried my darnedest to make Valentine's Day a fun day for Gracie, but every little thing I did backfired. It was just one of those days where everything that could go wrong went wrong, and it went wrong in the worst way. I ended the day crying on the phone to my mom. That's been a theme in my life this week. I was so tired I didn't think I could handle Gracie anymore Monday evening, so I FaceTimed my mom. She helped me entertain Gracie all the way to bedtime. It was magic until the exhaustion-induced nausea made me throw up a little out of the blue while talking to her.

I bought Gracie some new pajamas the other day. She pulled them out of the bag and started playing with them. She got SUPER excited that one pair of her pajamas included pants. She ran up to me in the kitchen and said "Pants! Pants! Mama PANTS!" Then she laid them back down, pet them, and read books to her pajamas. A different book for each pair. It was just too much. She's been reading a lot of books to her stuffed animals lately, too. My favorite part of her age is her imagination. Sometimes I think she can't possibly get more fun, and then days like this I think please Lord Jesus in heaven either take me home or drop a pizza out of the sky. He fed the Israelites every day with manna, so surely He can drop down an extra large JT's pizza for one. Gracie feeds Pooh Bear part of her meal ("num num num Pooh Bear eat!"), and she loves to put her babies to bed. She'll pull crib sheets out of her bottom dresser drawer and make a nest for her teddy bear, lay him down, give him a kiss, and read him a story. "Baby go night night!" It's my favorite game ever. I keep asking if she'll put me to bed too, but so far no dice.

In a moment of insanity, I bought her a pair of squeaky shoes a few weeks ago. I honestly don't know what I was thinking, since repetitive noises drive me to the brink of sanity. But something about sounding like she's stepping on a dog toy just brings me a lot of joy, and she thinks they're the best thing to ever happen to her. She has yet to read a book to them, so who knows. She's so proud of them and asks to wear her "skeeks" every day. She's even napped in them (back in the good old days when sleep was a given...RIP). As a shy introvert, it was not a wise move. We draw a crowd everywhere we go. People gather around and wave and ask questions and laugh. We're on display everywhere we go and I want to hide and die. So far we've gotten rave reviews except for one old lady who rolled her eyes. I don't totally blame her. Kids these days and their squeaky shoes. When I was 5, I had light-up Power Ranger shoes and I still remember feeling like the coolest kid in town. Gracie's shoes don't light up, but her pajamas do glow in the dark. Which will probably just be another distraction to keep her awake, but who could blame her?


  1. I'm sorry things have been so tough lately. Life just isn't the same/is barely tolerable when you are running on no sleep. I remember a couple of weeks ago I had a night with no sleep and I'm pretty sure everyone at work thought I was drunk the next day. It's the most horrible feeling. I couldn't imagine with a playful toddler!
    Here's to hoping you get plenty of (pi)Zzzz(a)s this week!

  2. how are you doing this on no sleep? bless you. and I agree, developmental milestones ruin lives. all over the damn place.

    1. I'm basically dead inside. The last two weeks have nearly killed me. If this phase doesn't end soon, I'm running away.

  3. If it makes you feel better, neither Jordan nor I had off on President's Day (which you spelled adding a y and for some reason I find it hilarious). I hope G starts sleeping better/at all soon!
    I know I said this on your IG post, but I seriously have never seen these shoes before! I can't believe how much they actually squeak. That is crazy. She is so cute with her red hat.

  4. I feel the same way as Gracie when I buy my yearly pair of Old Navy flannels. I haven't gotten to the point of calling my mom about them or reading them books, but I'm close. And those squeaky shoes...you could post 10 videos a day of her running around in those shoes and I guarantee I'd watch them all at least three times.

    We didn't have a Valentine's Day either thanks to jobs and overtime - you're not alone on that one. If we ever happen to live within driving distance, Galentine's Day it is.

    Now you've got me all nostalgic over my light up LA Gear high-tops with the pink and purple laces and the gems on the sides...sniff.

  5. I loved seeing the squeak shoes in action on your IG (At least, I think it was IG... I can't keep up with social media) but I can see how they'd get old real quick lol! I hope sleep comes for everyone soon. Everything is so much harder when you're tired. I'm SO thrilled you guys got to go out on a date though!!!

  6. I always love your real posts. You tell it like it is and it's amazing. I need to see these squeaky shoes!! LOL! I hope you get some sleep soon and PRAY that the fever doesn't hit you!

  7. You're not alone on the sickness train. It's moseying through our house and I was the last one to get it. I'm mentally over it and it's only just begun.

    Parker loves walking, too. Now that the snow is melting I'm looking forward to throwing him in the backyard soon to wreak havoc.

    Toddler reasoning is insane. "I love this thing so I will drop it in dirt and leave it on the side of the road."

    I hope naptime returns with an extra long vengeance (the good kind).

  8. So glad you two got to see Hidden Figures! I really want to see it sometime. The image of Gracie reading to her pjs is so adorable and hilarious!

  9. Ha, the squeaky shoes! I just really need a pair of those for my kids, even though I'll be pulling out my hair by the end of the day. 😉

  10. Angel still wants light up shoes. He's even looked into DIY-ing them against my advice. My theory on light up/squeaking shoes is that they're always a bad idea, just in case you're ever running away from somebody in the dark. You never know when such an unlikely situation might pop up, and you better be prepared with the right sort of shoes. Lights or squeaks will just betray you.
    Hope you guys all get on the track to better sleeping and health soon! That's no fun--sleep is crucial to health to begin with, so it's extra hard if you're not getting enough rest.

  11. I've heard Hidden Figures is fantastic. I plan to watch it when it comes out on video with my girls (10 and 12 years old). Sorry about the nap strike. I have no wisdom or way to make it better, but what I do during the toughest phases is remind myself that whatever it is, it's temporary and it will pass. Doesn't really make it any better/easier at the moment, but at least I can take it one day at a time and not make it worse for myself by imagining I'm going to feel that way forever.


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