3.01.2017

purple rain

This has been a rough winter on me. With insomnia, tantrums, constant rain, horrible work schedules, nap strikes, and viruses, it's been a battle to keep my head above water every day. Though ironically, it's been a very mild winter. It was 78 on Friday! I keep thinking things have to ease up soon, but I think they just keep getting more difficult. Anyway, I love when people talk about their bad days. Not in a woe is me way, but in a dude, listen to this ridiculous day kind of way. Like, grab a bucket of popcorn and let me tell you a story. 

So really, grab a bucket of popcorn. Maybe some ice cream too, but only if you're willing to share. I have some feelings to eat.

Monday was a terrible day, to the point that I put on Daniel Tiger so I could sequester myself in the bathroom and cry for an hour. Gracie had a rough day too, so we took turns crying all day. I was so emotionally exhausted by bedtime that I was sure I'd fall asleep the second my head hit the pillow. Instead, it took about 3-4 hours to fall asleep. 

Today hasn't been any better. Instead of napping, Gracie spent two full hours banging around in her crib while I laid on the couch trying to ward off a migraine. I finally went upstairs to get her and found that she had ripped all the raindrop decals off the wall that she could reach and pulled a picture frame down and broke the frame. As if that wasn't enough, she had somehow smuggled a purple crayon into her crib and covered the white walls in purple scribbles. I'm not a Prince fan (sue me) and I don't really like or understand the song Purple Rain, but I imagine it has something to do with tears spilled over purple crayon markings. 



We've all heard of kids coloring on the walls, but you never think it will happen to you. I'm here to say that none of us is immune.

I panicked and sent the picture to my mom and all my mom friends. All of them recommended a magic eraser. I knew I would've thought of that eventually, but in my state of horror all I could think of was repainting the whole room. Which is totally fine since we're not renting or anything. 

Oh wait.

But seriously. Check your toddlers for crayons before nap time. They're sneaky little boogers. 

I realized we no longer have a magic eraser, so once James got home and I could unlatch the tentacles of my toddler, I ran out the door as fast as I could despite being so tired I felt faint. James told me to grab a magic eraser if I felt so inclined, and to grab myself whatever I wanted for dinner since I messed up the meal plan and accidentally ate the leftover soup for lunch instead of dinner. I pulled into the Target parking lot blasting music, feeling awesome, and then almost ran over a woman who came out of nowhere. Truly almost ran her over. It was horrifying.

I don't share the love of Target of most women my age, but I do enjoy walking around occasionally. I have to say, their decision to put bikinis right at the entrance is the worst decision they could ever make. Reminding me that bikini season is approaching is not the friendly greeting I was looking for. Granted, I don't wear bikinis anymore, but I still felt personally victimized for my winter cookie body. 

I strolled through the clothes, and honestly I didn't understand any of them. Is it a shirt? A dress? A blanket scarf? I literally don't know, and it should probably come with instructions. Half the shirts (that I could identify as shirts) were long sleeve with holes on the shoulders. Please, somebody, explain this to me. How is this attractive and how does it make sense? What kind of weather is this appropriate for? All I can think of is Cady Herron destroying Regina George's shirt in Mean Girls. 


Someone in the Target design department has bad aim. The other shirts were too long to be a crop tops but too short to be normal shirts, but they would be perfect if I was looking for a shirt to perfectly display my sagging stretch marks. 

This is why I don't do fashion. 

I walked over to the toddler clothes, because those I could at least understand, though everything was in a glaring neon color so bright I almost grabbed my sunglasses. It was at this time that I noticed the heater in the store must've been cranked to 90. I was drenched in sweat and feeling so queasy and woozy, I wasn't sure if I was going to pass out or throw up first, so I left.

I sat in the car waiting for my core body temperature to come back to normal and scrolled through my phone while I got my bearings. I saw a notification that John Smith (not his name) accepted my friend request on Facebook. Excuse me, what? I unfriended this guy from college years ago, and I would have never friend requested him again. I don't even remember seeing his profile! For the life of me I can't understand how I friend requested him, but I was so mortified I immediately unfriended him. James doesn't understand why I was embarrassed, but it's like scrolling a year back in someone's Instagram feed and accidentally liking a picture. It's proof you've been stalking, except I never actually stalked him. In a desperate attempt to offload some of the embarrassment, I immediately texted a friend about it. Except I texted the wrong person. 

Handing me a phone is like handing Gracie a purple crayon. It just makes a giant mess.

Oh, and for the record, I forgot to buy the magic eraser. And dinner. Apparently embarrassment is the one thing that can make me forget hunger.


17 comments:

  1. While I do LOVE seeing my print up there on the wall (all the heart eyes) I agree, the purple crayon accents do nothing to add to the aesthetic of your room. I can't believe she smuggled a crayon into bed!! You're going to have to give her a TSA-level pat down every afternoon from now on!!

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  2. Aw, girl! I'm so sorry! Does it help that all of your embarrassing/unfortunate stories are entertaining the rest of us? Maybe this is a memoir in the making? #brightside

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    1. That's exactly what I'm hoping my stories will do! Gotta redeem these bad days somehow 😜

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  3. Haha, I've experienced all the things in this post, just maybe not on the same day! What I hate is getting friend requests from people that I don't know, but we have mutual friends. Do I know you are not? Did I just forget? Is it terribly rude if I just ignore the request? Oh Facebook. The last couple nights it has taken me 3-4 hours to fall asleep, which is especially making me miserable today since I'm exhausted AND have a cold. I was trying to sneakily read blogs on my phone before I have to go upstairs and face the kids, but all the kids who aren't in a crib have hunted me down (and the crib child is screeching), so I should probably get up now. ;-)

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  4. So ever since R was a tiny baby, my mother-in-law has had this thing about the song Purple Rain. I DON'T GET IT. But she says they have purple rain dance parties when she is watching R ???? I don't know. Anyway your title made me instantly think of that. I love letting R color, but it's stressful because she doesn't keep it on the paper and I try to be cool about it, but there are crayons everywhere! Ugh. I hope March is a better month for you and G :)

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  5. I got a notification the other day about my friend request with someone being accepted. I was like, 'Er, no. I did NOT friend request them. What the heck?!'
    Screw Target and their bikini-shame. Like, just left me wander in, scavenge the dollar section, buy some Starbucks, and walk out with a new water bottle, a pair of pjs, and a DVD I don't need.

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  6. It's 2017, I don't understand why they can't make crayons that will only work on actual paper.

    I don't understand or like most Prince songs I've heard, and I'm slightly convinced that half the people who say they loooove his music didn't even know half of it until he died.

    Turning down Facebook friend requests gives me the absolute ultimate joy in life. Every time I hit "decline" I mentally shout "BALEETED!!!" (Tell me you get the reference, I swear I mispelled that on purpose.)

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  7. I feel you. This was us yesterday. I feel like Ben is all hands lately and just tears into anything and everything. We drink lots of La Croix over here and I put the cans in a bag that hangs on the door by the kitchen. Ben found them and threw every single one down the stairs along with a can opener, spatula, tongs, and his water bottle. He gets the toilet paper often enough and now his most favorite thing to do is CLIMB ONTO THE TABLE which is dangerous in itself but also destructive to whatever I happened to lay on the table. In the middle of a tantrum (the kind where he does a screaming back bend while I'm holding him) he knocked a frame off the wall and broke it. And he didn't nap yesterday. Although it was only the one day. I can't even imagine what your dealing with with a total nap strike! Also, I completely agree about targets clothes lately, I thought the exact same thing!

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    1. Girl! Oh my gosh, I understand. I'm sorry you're in the thick of it too! Gracie is the same way lately. What happened to my mellow, chill baby?! At least she went down easily for a nap today. This age is insane!

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  8. I, for one, really like hearing these stories of motherhood in the trenches. It just gives some nice solidarity as I sit here with my almost-9-month-old who is sleep regressing (and therefore, NOT sleeping at night or in the daytime) and downing caffeine in the form of tea. Anyways, I really hope that you're able to get the crayon off the wall and that your week turns out better. That's rough. I haven't been to Target lately, but I've seen photos of the clothing department via some mom friends and I don't understand the current styles either.

    Oh, and I don't know what it is that causes it, but Facebook has sent friend requests to random people. This happened to my mother-in-law recently. People who weren't here friends, who she hadn't sent any kind of requests to, were suddenly like, "Hey, I accepted your friend request!" Super weird. If I remember tonight, I'll ask my husband (the resident computer scientist) if he ever figured out how to keep that from happening.

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  9. Girl, I had no idea you've been having such a time of it lately!!!! And NOTHING I can say can make it better...But, I'll be praying!!! I tell you...You've been through it ALL.

    Everything you said about fashion right now is exactly what I'm thinking! I see soooo many women (of ALL ages) wearing those shoulderless shirts and I'm always like, "Ummm. You look like a tramp." (Tramp meaning BOTH loose lady and bum off the street.) I never say it, of course, but I DON'T get it. I've seen enough rear ends lately in "shirt/dresses" to make me wonder if people realize that those "leggings" they are wearing are actually pantyhose. Thankfully I live where it never gets warm enough for crop tops, but I'm sure they're on the way. ICK!

    I bought tennis shoes lately and even the adults' section was haunted by neon. I ended up with a gray pair that came with lime laces. Yes, lime. They were the only shoe that felt good and weren't entirely neon.

    Yikes on the friend request. I totalllly understand that one too! What I don't understand is when you "get" a request and you're like, "Well...I DO know them and they'll KNOW I've been on FB and they're not creepy or anything even though I hardly even know them..." and so you accept it out of some kind of twisted guilt only to have a notification pop up telling you that your friend request has been sent. CANCEL!

    One last thing before I go. A lady I babysat for had two boys that shared a room. One naptime they got into bag balm (sort of like vaseline) AND diaper cream. It was all over them, their cribs, their room, and every single toy or piece of clothing that was within their reach. Thankfully I was NOT babysitting that day. From then on, putting them to bed was HORRIFYING. We would both triple check to make sure there was NOTHING for them to get into to any kind of trouble with. Also, do you remember the book "Harold and the Purple Crayon"?

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  10. Oh no, that crayon. I'm so sorry. My nephew got bath crayons for his birthday and he loved them, but he's just two so he couldn't quite distinguish that it was okay to draw on the bathroom walls but not any other walls. I need to tell my SIL about the magic erasers.

    I hear you on the hole cut out of the shoulder style. What is up with that? I've also seen a lot of tops lately that are just lacy from the neck to like around the shoulders. What the heck kind of bra do you wear with that? Strapless? No way, I only wear strapless once every three years or so when I have legitimately no other option. Or do you just do the klassy thing and let your bra straps show through the lace? I have no idea which is why I will never buy that style. I also hate tops that are too short. In my late twenties I've taken on the hip, trendy style of tucking a tank top into my pants and then putting on a shirt. I don't know why but I hate that jeans these days are low rise and tops are short and I haven't even had a baby yet but there are about four inches that no one needs to see when I sit, raise my arms, etc.

    Maybe I need to jump on board the overalls trend.

    Just kidding. Maybe.

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  11. You make bad days so hilarious! You need to write a sitcom or book! But I 1000% sympathize with you and am sending all the good thoughts for easier days ahead. (p.s. my anti-depressant really helped with insomnia.)

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  12. I don't get the shirts with holes in the shoulder either. They're all over the place here, too.
    Shirts should just be made long. I'm not very tall but so many shirts aren't long enough. This is why I'm often found in dresses. Or shorter dresses with leggings.

    Coloring on walls is a rite of passage--think of it this way, hopefully she got it out of her system young. Even I've had the kids I take care of color on my walls here. There's just something about that great expanse of white space in front of them...

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  13. Crayon comes right off the walls with WD-40. If you've got some of that, don't bother with going to the store for Magic Eraser. I've heard that it takes off the tiniest little bit of paint sheen sometimes, anyway. (I've never used one. Six kids in and never gotten a Magic Eraser, can you believe that?)

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  14. Solidarity, my friend. That's all I've got.

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