the moral of the story is to trust no one, not even yourself

Ordering, in nearly every sense of the word, is not something I do often these days. We seldom go out to eat, and I rarely order things online. Thanks to birthdays and the ensuing influx of a little birthday cash, both have happened a little more than usual lately, and in every scenario the results have been terrible.

It all started on my birthday, when we went out for lunch and it took repeating our order THREE times for it to finally come out to us an hour later and ice cold. I'm almost certain I got a mild case of food poisoning from it.

The next day, I went to grab a coffee at Starbucks before getting groceries. There were very few people inside, but my order was still forgotten until someone noticed me awkwardly waiting for my macchiato.

I ordered a shirt online, and when it came it was the wrong size.

I ordered a shirt from another company. I'd been eyeing it for months, and when it finally was back in stock, I snagged it. It of course arrived with a gaping hole in it.

I was feeling under the weather the other week, so I ordered my groceries online. I went to pick them up, and they loaded my car and went over the receipt with me. Everything looked correct. Once I got home and unloaded the groceries and got ready to put them away, I realized they had given me the correct receipt but someone else's food. Some of our food was there, but several bags clearly belonged to someone else. I called them, and we went back and straightened it out. They let me keep the food that didn't belong to us. For once, an order gone awry finally worked in my favor, because that left me with two free boxes of donuts that someone else ordered.

Also free was a bottle of Excedrin. And let me tell you, that was timely because after all this chaos I had quite the headache.

Last week I decided to shop in the grocery store instead of ordering online, because if you want something done right, you do it yourself. All went well until I got home and realized I never brought home the bananas I paid for. I did, on the other hand, discover that Gracie stole an applesauce pouch.

It all evens out in the end, right?


  1. It's like someone knew you might need two boxes of donuts and some Excedrin!

    What a bummer about the hole in the shirt. Are they sending you a new one? I order things online maybe three times a year. I don't know why, because it's so convenient, I just like to see/touch the actual thing I am buying. I shop at JC Penney a lot, and last week they announced they were closing the one in our mall because most people shop online and it doesn't make financial sense to keep the physical store open. I was shocked. I guess the online shopping trend is here to stay!

  2. i swear to God, if you do not pitch a sitcom to someone someday, you are missing out on a huge opportunity!

  3. Oh my goodness, friend-so much disappointment!
    I think the true moral of the story is that when your cash is burning a hole in your pocket, it's a good excuse to have a shopping day with yours truly 😂😃😘

    1. So Much Disappointment is going to be the title of my memoir one day.

  4. I literally don't know what I would do if I had that many problems ordering online all the time...

    I hope they're sending you a replacement shirt!!

  5. I'm glad you at least got some free donuts out of all this! I really hope that they send you a replacement shirt or something, that's so sad it has a hole!

  6. Sounds like it's time to go Amish.

    Just think of how good that plot would be on your above mentioned sitcom.

  7. Now I'm thinking about the sitcom, too. Ha.
    In similar news, I ordered a hash brown from McDonalds at the drive-thru and they had me pull aside and wait for it. A HASH BROWN. Then they forgot about me.
    I went inside finally, asked about it, and they compensated me a second 'brown for my wait.
    I guess technically it paid off...

  8. Well hey, bonus donuts are at least one positive result! I do not trust ordering online at all. Not necessarily from bad experiences...just typically old-fashioned not trusting of the internet. I like to see something in person first. But sometimes, online is the only option.

  9. I really hate ordering online. I just got R a pair of shoes, and it's impossible to figure out sizing online! I loathe returning things from online. But I did buy myself a new purse recently and it is exactly what I wanted and I'm happy so sometimes it works out!

  10. I would die without online shopping. I go to the grocery store for food and Amazon for everything else. Actually, that's a lie. I order some of our food from Amazon, too.

  11. I have this luck too. My order always comes out wrong (if it comes out at all). My friends always think I'm exaggerating these stories until they go out with me and OF COURSE it happens. Maybe we just look like people who totally won't care if you just don't put our order in?

  12. Donuts are always better than bananas.

    We have been ordering a lot lately. We had 10 straight days of Amazon deliveries this month, and round 2 of that will start next week. It's exhausting, and I'm ready for a break from it.


Talk to me! If your email is linked to your account, I'll respond to you via email. If not, I'll respond to you right here.