6.19.2017

let's hope I can keep my pants on for the rest of our trip





I've decided that I'm cursed.

It's my last day in Iowa, and it's a stunning 75 degrees. It's been over 100 every day until today, and now the weather forecast is gorgeous with no end in sight just in time for me to leave. This is the exact thing that happened to me last summer.

And don't even talk to me about naps. Don't you even.

No, you know what? Let's talk about it. My parents' house is a bit isolated, and my mom gave me a whole speech about how no one ever rings the doorbell, so Gracie can nap uninterrupted.

LOL.

The doorbell has been rung every single day. But!!! Only during nap time. It has been laughable. Sometimes it's the mailman. Sometimes it's someone coming to buy a table from Craigslist, but they show up an hour and a half early with no warning and HONK THEIR GODFORSAKEN HORN. Sometimes she starts to doze off again after the ringing of the doorbell, and then someone SHOOTS OFF FIREWORKS AT 3PM.

What I'm saying is that my daughter has not been in a good mood for the past few days.

She's also gone full-mischief and is throwing things in the toilet. This morning I found her toothbrush in the litter box. I don't even want to talk about that one. Just know there's a whole poop saga I haven't even shared, and I won't.

In other news, my dad and I went shooting the other day in a little shooting range literally in the middle of rural farmland. It was brutally hot and I haven't gone shooting in roughly 10 years, but it was so fun. I shot some very powerful guns of I wouldn't have had the nerve to shoot 10 years ago. I have bruises on my shoulder and my arms were sore for a few days, but we had such a good time, and I felt like I could run laps afterward.


My mom, Gracie, and I went to Antique Archaeology. We visited last summer and I was giddy the whole time. I watched American Pickers for years, and I always said I would love to visit the store, but when would I ever be in Iowa? Now my parents live 20 minutes away. The town it's in is the Stars Hollow of the Midwest. There are cute little restaurants and antique stores, it's right on the river, and there are speakers on every tree playing oldies music throughout the town. Every time I'm there I keep my eyes peeled for Mike and Frank. I know the chances are slim that I'll run into them, but crazier things have happened. I looked at Instagram later that day to discover they had been filming Pickers the day before. I could have died. I missed them by 24 hours!


In other reality tv show news, my mom and I have been binge-watching House Hunters on her DVR. Not having HGTV is the one thing I desperately miss about not having cable, so I have to get my fix whenever I visit. On a whim, I decided to apply for the show. If you could hear my dazzling commentary from my perch on the couch, you would know I was made to be on House Hunters. I know we'll never get picked, but that doesn't mean I won't be checking my email every minute for the next few months and practicing my witty house-related one-liners.

We've been eating at all the coffeeshops and delicious restaurants. We went out for hamburgers on Father's Day, and when I sat down, the belt loop on my shorts somehow hooked onto the booth, and when I slid into the booth it pulled EVERYTHING down. It's almost as bad as when I was using the bathroom the other day, which happens to be located right next to the front door. There also happens to be a window next to the toilet. I didn't bother to close the blinds, because I hadn't yet learned that the this house would become very popular at the most inconvenient times. I looked up to see someone walking up to the front steps while my pants were down.

We're driving home tomorrow. I'm sad to leave, dreading the drive, but happy to be back with James and in my own domain. I'm excited to aggressively house hunt. Hopefully House Hunters will call me in time. I'm thinking we'll need to buy a house without a doorbell.

10 comments:

  1. I so hope that you get picked for House Hunters. I would love to know all the inside secrets of the show! Also, I am laughing out loud at your shorts in the booth situation. How embarrassing!! A few months ago I was driving to a work trip and it was a long drive and my pants were feeling a little tight so I unbuttoned them for the three hour drive. First of all, WHO DOES THAT? Second of all, I forgot to re-button them and as I walked into the hotel lobby to check in I felt them sliding down. There is no indiscreet way to fix that situation. Good luck on the drive tomorrow! I hope there's lot off good music on the radio and coffee shops along the route!!

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  2. I love you, but if you are just now beginning to think you are cursed, I think we need to have a talk.

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  3. Our doorbell doesn't work and we're in the midst of getting ready to sell the house... Wanna move two hours northeast? Hahaha!
    But seriously, house hunters NEEDS to pick you guys! Good luck on your drive!!

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  4. In the past year I have learned to understand that if you think it won't happen IT WILL. Especially as it relates to sleeping and naps. I asked Jared the other day... "Is my life going to revolve around someone else's sleep schedule for like, the next 5 years?" I think I know that answer.

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  5. Oh my gosh, I think MY life would be made if you got picked for House Hunters!!

    The pants situation...I was just waiting for you to say "And that's when I looked up and saw a group of people I went to high school with."

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  6. Glad you had a good time with your parents, even if not everything went super-smoothly, it's still rejuvenating to be with family and enjoy the outdoors! We went shooting on the family farm while we were in Michigan but I wouldn't let Angel post any pictures, although he really, really wanted to. He loves my gun-owning family.

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  7. We had a doorbell nap thing for 3 days in a row and I wanted to cry! Naps are precious! You need a belt lol

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    1. Noooo!!! You too? I'm so sorry. Next time I'm putting a strongly worded note on the door.

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  8. I have to admit that I laughed out loud over your pants saga(s). Thank goodness you have all this in writing so you can look back on it and laugh later on. My husband's cousin is one of the producers of American Pickers. Small world, huh?

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    1. Whaaaaat?!?!?!? HOOK A SISTER UP! ;)

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