a life update

I'm coming off two weeks of ridonkulous insomnia, so the past few weeks are a fuzzy haze. If I didn't have pictures in my iPhone, I wouldn't be convinced that any of it actually happened.

Also during that insomnia, a certain toddler went on a wicked nap strike that is still not over. So what I'm saying is that I have been totally rested, rational and unemotional the past few weeks. But that's neither here nor there.

Actually, if you want the truth, 2 weeks of nonstop toddler chatter coupled with almost zero sleep might have been partially responsible for me swearing at a woman in the grocery store. NOT THAT I DID THAT OR KNOW ANY SWEAR WORDS. And if I did, just know she totally deserved it. Not that it justifies that kind of behavior. THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL.


My mom came to visit last week. I feel bad that I was in a haze of exhaustion the whole time and dozed off in a restaurant booth, but it was glorious and wonderful (her visit, not the doze). My parents have moved so many times since I started college that I've lost track, but they finally found the box I took with me to my very first dorm room TEN, count them TEN, years ago.


I still vividly remember standing in the Target 15 minutes away, picking out dishes and rugs and storage bins. Gracie's baby clothes are currently housed in a cracked, plastic container with a sticker slapped on the side that says "College '07" on it. It used to hold my seahorse sheets shoved under my dorm bed. Anyway, I finally have the few dishes I took to college, and am now drinking coffee out of a ten year old Starbucks mug with a blue and green argyle pattern. The last time I used this mug, I was in a dorm room in southern Ohio, planning to be a nurse, and that is all just weird.

But anyway, my mom came and it was so nice. Gracie was out of her mind insane with joy. When we put her to bed the night my mom came, we heard Gracie lying in her crib saying "I love Grammy!" I can't handle it.

We had the best time. We went all over the place, seeing things and eating things, and just having a good time. They just opened an Ikea 15 minutes away (!!!!!!!!!!) so we went. The last time we went to Ikea together turned out to be A Major Event, and I was a little anxious to see if we'd have a similarly ridiculous experience, but we did not. James and I have been aggressively house-hunting lately, so I had a running commentary of "well, if we buy this house, I want that sink, but if we go with that other house, I want that" and so on and so forth. Of course those houses have been since ruled out but WHATEVER. It's fine. I'm fine. #debatable

I had exactly two things I went to Ikea for: picture frames and photo ledges. I've had a whole thing schemed up in my brain for Gracie's room and our living room. Those are the two things Ikea was sold out of. Rows of shelves as open and frustrating as a cold shoulder shirt. But it's fine. I walked out with a step-stool for Gracie so she can reach the sink, a pillow case that matches the color of the couch but nothing else, and a dish brush. Totally normal. My mom bought me a tray with birds on it and it's perfect. Gracie has been serving me lunch on it with her play food every day.

Gracie's favorite part of Ikea was the showroom with the beds. Before I knew what was happening, she had tucked herself in. I had to physically remove her from the showroom and left a trail of tears and despair in our wake. Hand to God, I think she would've gone to sleep there. Maybe from now on I'll be at Ikea every day at 1pm for nap time. Don't be surprised if am.

On our last day, we had lunch at one of our favorite places--a french cafe. My french teacher in high school took us there on a field trip my senior year, and it's been a favorite place ever since. It was the first place I took Gracie that wasn't a doctor's office. She slept in her carseat while I ate prosciutto, brie, gallons of coffee, and everything I wasn't supposed to have while pregnant. I've been going there for 10 years now, and I knew the family that runs it is from France, but I never paid close to attention to the pictures and letters on the walls. Apparently, every anniversary of D-Day, they pay special tribute to WWII veterans. It is so sweet. The family had written a letter to the veterans they were honoring 20 years ago, thanking them for risking their lives to free their country from tyranny. I was nearly in tears. How great is that? My mom also sent me the obituary of her 6th grade teacher who had just died. It read like a movie script. Unbeknownst to her, he had been a POW in WWII and then went on to become an amazing teacher. Emotions.

The greatest achievement of my mom's visit was introducing her to The Office. This sounds especially shallow after the previous paragraph, but go with it. She's heard me talk about it for years but had never seen it herself. I wasn't sure what she'd think, but once I saw her dissolve into laughter over Jim putting Dwight's stapler in jello, I knew she'd be a fan for life. What's the meaning of life if not to make your loved ones uncomfortable via the antics of Michael Scott?

I am unnaturally excited about the solar eclipse tomorrow. I didn't buy the glasses, but I also don't plan on staring at the sun, so whatever. I'm just excited for it to get weirdly dark at 2:00 in the afternoon. We're not in the path of totality, but we're not too far, so it should be pretty decent. I plan to sit inside and eat snacks, with maybe a very quick glance at the sky. Don't worry, I've read the fear-mongering articles. I'm so stressed about my retinas that I'll probably wear sunglasses while inside with the blinds closed.

So we've been house hunting. Our new realtor is a dream and everything we've been needing. The third time's the charm! Other than that I don't have much to report other than I have driven myself insane. We found a house that had the potential to be a dream house, but in its current state was a hot mess. Despite that, we loved it. We decided to take some time to sleep on it (it was such a hot mess that it was relatively immune to the ferocious market), but the funny thing is I didn't sleep at all. I laid awake at night wondering how we could renovate the kitchen and thinking about paint colors and wondering about room arrangements, garden placement, etc. Honestly, this probably had no small part in my insomnia, but I cannot emotionally separate myself from the houses we look at.

James, on the other hand, handles all this completely different. He came home from work one day, and I had worked myself into a frenzy wondering what to do about the house. I could talk myself into it and just as easily talk myself out of it. I asked him what he thought, and he said "I honestly haven't given it a single thought today."

Over-analyzer, party of one.

My evening walks, my desperately needed moments of solitude, have been destroyed by thoughts of commute times, distance to the nearest grocery store, and WHERE WOULD WE PUT THE CHRISTMAS TREE?!?! Is there enough cabinet space for my food processor? Where would we store old baby things? BUT THOSE BUILT-INS ARE PERFECT. What paint colors should we choose? WAIT NO I CAN'T DO THIS. And then half the time the house is sold before I answer any of my own questions.

It has been an utter joy and delight to be married to me lately.

If only our wedding vows had included "Do you solemnly swear to rip up the blue carpet and paint the living room before moving in? And can we please get a new fridge?" so I could stop asking him 247 times a day. Not that it matters because there is no telling where we will end up, but I'm sure there will be ugly carpet to rip up and walls to paint.

If I took him to Ikea with me and told him all my ideas, it might be the breaking point in our marriage. Or maybe he'll just join Gracie for a nap.


  1. "I honestly haven't given it a single thought today." sounds just like how Angel would think about important decisions and things I can't stop thinking about. How do they do that?
    Also, you were going to study nursing??

  2. Hahaha I am cracking up at James' reaction. He didn't think about it at all?! Men!

    If you end up with a house that needs some updating, you know I will be able to sympathize with you. I know all about the unique carpet colors and wallpaper patterns! :)

    I'm glad you had a nice visit with your mom. That's such a sweet story about the French restaurant. And I didn't know you were going to be a nurse! So was I!

  3. Sleep deprivation is AWFUL AND DONT ASK HOW I KNOW. Except you already do. Alllll the sympathy right now.

    I'm so jealous of your IKEA!!! I love that place and anything Scandinavian. I'll be shopping vicariously through you.

    How has your mom never seen The Office!? That must be so stinking fun to introduce someone to it for the first time. My mom and sister are less than impressed with it and it makes me so sad.

    I can't wait to see what you guys do to a house here in the near future. It's going to be absolutely amazing, I know that much.

    1. A nurse!? But you would have to go to the doctor every day! And take people's blood work. I'm having anxiety just thinking about it!

    2. It's a lot easier to give shots than to get one! 😬

  4. I love this life update! So glad you got to see your momma and introduce her to The Office:)
    Lol- I've stressed so much about doing our house to our style that I just decided to do nothing and it's basically the same as what it was when we moved in. We painted our bedroom awhile back but I already hate the color. 😂

    1. Hahaha! I can totally see myself doing that. I get so overwhelmed with my ideas that I shut down.

  5. House buying feels so all consuming. I still think about houses we missed out on and while I don't stay up wondering whether we should put and offer on a house anymore, now I stay up scheming plans for redoing our kitchen and revamping the landscaping. I am praying so hard for you guys to find something just perfect for your family and so glad you found a good realtor to help along the way!

    1. Thank you so much for the prayers, Courtney!! They are very much appreciated.

  6. So glad to hear that you've introduced her to The Office! And that you guys have a great realtor. Oh my, I know what you mean with overanalyzing things!!!! When we were house hunting, I would somehow find the time to look up all of the interesting-looking houses and compare and contrast their proximity to main places of interest (church, library, park, Aldi) and think about it all non-stop and get crazily overcommitted in my heart...and we never bought any of those, and my husband didn't do anything close to that. We'd drive around town and I'd say, "Honey, remember when we visited a house over in this area?" And he'd say, "Nope. I don't think of it, because I've freed up that part of my brain for other things."

  7. Whenever we start to house hunt I start to obsess too - and we haven't even done any super serious house hunting! I'd probably be much worse than you! It's natural to plan I think, but I have that same tendency to get too attached too soon. It's exhausting!

  8. thank the lord for moms who visit at just the right time! also, house hunting is THE WORST. it is so stressful, and in this market (based on what you've talked about, it's very similar here) it's even more of a nightmare. i'll be sending you good house vibes from here on out!

    1. Yes, our housing markets are equally ferocious right now! Two years and counting. I am going to snap if it doesn't end soon.

  9. I would pay actual money to see you curse someone in a grocery store. TELL ME EVERYTHING. Also thinking of you and hope you get some sleep sooooon.

  10. While you're market is 100xs crazier than ours, know I am feeling the housing market pain, too. Sigh. That said, K is the one who'd obsess about it all day and I'd probably be like, "Oh, I hadn't thought about it." Hahaha.
    My brother and sis-in-law just took me to a French cafe down there! La Chat....? I don't know. It was adorable and the people were great!

  11. Sending you positive house vibes too. I love the thought of renovating a house. I obsess, whenever I have a minute, about white wood floors and brick fireplaces, but actually renovating is another story. Actually renovating is like being on vacation at a construction site without access to your shower. I have a feeling you're going to find something soon though.


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