a stomach bug, a cold, and the flu all walk into a bar

And by bar, I mean our house.

This week has been hilariously insane.

Let's recap.

Over the weekend, I gave my husband food poisoning. We think. It's also possible it was a stomach bug, but Gracie and I were fine, so who really knows. I'd like to go with stomach bug, because it makes me feel better about myself.

On Monday, Gracie woke up from her nap with a cold. She had seemed a little under the weather for a few days so I wasn't surprised. I've been praying myself silly it won't turn into croup again, because every now and then there's a suspicious cough or wheeze, and I want to scream TOO SOON. WE JUST DID THIS.

Monday night, I had that tell-tale sore throat and sudden wooziness, and I figured the cold was coming for me too. This was especially a bummer because I was having a good friend and her son over for a playdate Tuesday morning. This was a playdate I was actually looking forward to, one we've been rescheduling for six months.


Tuesday morning, I woke up with the full-blown flu. This is self-diagnosed, but when you have the flu, you instinctively know it's the flu. A cold will make you feel miserable, but you can still function on a very basic level even on your worst day. Not so with the flu. Every atom of my body was in pain.  I felt like I had been hit by a freight train. The last time I had the flu was when I was pregnant, and it knocked me out for 2 full weeks. I remember thinking that even my eyelids were sore. Tuesday morning I woke up wondering why my earlobes were aching. It hurt to even wear clothes; walking to the kitchen to get Gracie her 17th snack of the morning almost killed me. There were glass shards in my throat, the room was spinning, I was both freezing and blazing hot at the same time, and I felt like I could sleep for months. It was a new level of misery.

It gets better. James had to make a spontaneous trip on Tuesday to visit a work client. BUT OF COURSE. Thankfully, all the Christmas Mickey movies on Netflix and a bag of popcorn did most of the parenting for me that morning. Uncharacteristically, I had to do almost zero discipline (don't worry, we've more than made up for that so far today), and she was content to lay on the couch with me with her stack of board books. It actually turned out to be a halfway decent day, as miserable as I felt. AND, James got home early from his trip.

The funny thing is, I had been texting my friends on Monday that I NEVER get the flu shot and never get the flu. In the last ten years, I've gotten the flu twice, and both times I had gotten the flu shot. A different friend reminded me on Tuesday that I told her the same thing last week. If this isn't a lesson in pride going before a fall, then I don't know what is. Never again will you hear me talk about the flu or the flu shot.

Thankfully, I woke up today feeling much better. Other than a lingering sore throat and the sniffles, I'm back on my feet and feeling lightyears better. I've heard of 24 hour stomach bugs, but apparently the 24 hour flu must be a thing because I think I had it.

I felt so much better I decided I would make dinner. And by make dinner, I let the crockpot cook the chicken for me. As soon as I threw the chicken in, I noticed the rancid smell.

Not only is this a bad week for our health, but it's a bad week for my cooking, too. At least there won't be another round of possible food poisoning, because I threw it out as fast as humanly possible.

James, bless his heart, worked from home today so I could continue to rest.

Let me rephrase that. So I could "rest."

No one got any rest.

He was inundated with conference calls and had to give a Skype presentation to a group of important people. Does anyone else remember this hilarious video of the kids ruining their dad's Skype call, and then the mom running in trying to quickly grab them? It made me laugh so hard I watched it over and over when it first happened; it's not so funny when it's your life.

Not that it was my life, but we were close. James was going through his presentation with his coworkers first when Gracie decided to throw a very loud fit. I was trying to sneak to the bathroom, but for some reason this mortally offended her and she was screaming "NO MOMMY GO POTTY!" right outside the door of the room James was in. The actual presentation was during nap time, but she didn't nap so we had to mute the monitor. Even though it's raining and it's November, the sprinklers outside suddenly came to life right as he was giving his portion of the presentation. They don't even use the sprinklers in the summer, so why they were hissing like a dragon right outside the window (it was louder than you might think), I don't know. All I know is that whenever he works from home, things tend to fall apart. I have a whole new respect for work from home parents.

I am very thankful for modern medicine, James' job that lets him work from home, that we're dealing with minor illness, that God designed our bodies to heal themselves, and that next week is Thanksgiving. Nothing bad is actually happening and we're all well aware of that. But man, some weeks you just have to laugh at the craziness of life.

And at least---I told myself a minute ago---it's the end of the week. And then I remembered.

It's only Wednesday.

*breaks into a hysterical, manic laughter to keep from panicking*


  1. So glad James could at least work from home for you! Derek is able to work from home sometimes too, and it's such a blessing! I haven't had the flu in...maybe 15 years? Hoping I can keep that streak going!

  2. Oh man, I would KILL for Isaiah to be able to work from home. I DREAD the day I get sick. I had a headache for an entire day about a week ago and it wasn't even migraine status and I about freaked out wondering what the heck I'd do if it turned into anything worse.

    I am SO THANKFUL your flu didn't turn into full-blown The Flu!!

    1. Oh and I forgot to add, I've never had the flu shot in my entire life and I've had The Flu maybe once. I will refuse that shot as long as I live.

  3. I never get the flu shot either. I figure it doesn't kill healthy people anyway, and the flu vaccine is just a guess on what strain might be going around this year based on what went around last year.

  4. Jordan claims I gave him salmonella once even though I ate the same meal and was FINE, and he loves to bring it up now and again whenever he's feeling icky. "It's a flare up," he says. You are wise to stick with stomach bug as your official diagnosis ;)

  5. I never get the flu shot and I don't even remember the last time I had the flu, but I know it could happen... lol. (Please, God, I am aware it CAN happen... but that doesn't mean it needs to ;) lol)
    Glad James could work from home, even if it caused a little more chaos for all of you. Lol


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