2.01.2018

the super blood red blue moon eclipse voodoo thing



I've said it a million times over, but full moons make the world go crazy. I don't know how it works, I just know it's a fact of life. I physically braced myself when I saw the weird super blue moon thing was happening.

It has not disappointed.

It's been one of those weeks where nothing that bad has happened, but a lot of little frustrating things have built up to the point where I'm barking at James about the way he's eating dinner because I CANNOT HANDLE ANYTHING ANYMORE AND EVERYTHING IS ANNOYING AND WRONG.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has these days.

We're in this whole If You Give A Toddler A Bagel phase with Gracie right now. Basically, she asks for a bagel for breakfast, so I toast one and smear some cream cheese on it, cut it up, and give it to her. But no, she wants cereal. If you give her cereal, she'll cry for yogurt. James and I don't play that way, and if she asks for something she's required to stick with it and eat it or go hungry until the next meal. What this means is that every morning I have to brace myself for major tantrums before I've even had my coffee while constantly telling myself to keep my foot down on this and teach her that mom means business and she has to eat what she asks for so we don't waste food.

It's a really fun way to start off the day, and it usually lasts halfway to lunch time.

Some days she gets it and complies, and other days, like Wednesday, she has two time outs before 8:30 am. God forbid we have to go somewhere, because the drama starts all over again when it's time to get dressed.

This is more of an almost threenager thing than a moon thing, but the drama has been exceptionally intense this week, and I'm always looking for something to blame for the chaos in my life.

My friend has a membership at the YMCA in my hometown. She had a guest pass and asked if I wanted to walk the track with her. This YMCA used to be my second home. I was there all the time in high school for swim practice, swim meets, fitness classes, and just to work out. I LIVED there. I made lots of friends there. The last time I set foot inside was February 2008. Exactly TEN YEARS AGO. An entire decade of life! The thought of going back gave me heart palpitations.

I told her I would go with her, and I woke up early on my own because I felt so anxious about going back. Ridiculous, I know. I was also scared to put Gracie in childcare. Gracie's friend would be with her, but the church nursery is iffy and she knows everyone there, so I had very low expectations. Much to my delight and surprise, she waltzed right in and never looked back. I lived in that Y for years, and I had to ask where the childcare was because it was not even a concept to me back then. It was absolutely bizarre to walk back in as a married adult woman with a child. SO WEIRD. I can't even tell you. I used to flirt with all the boys while lifting weights, and this time I wanted to nap after three miles on the track comparing pregnancy and toddler stories. TIMES, THEY HAVE CHANGED.

I went to the grocery store afterwards, and Kroger was out of exactly half my grocery list, AND I realized I had lost my credit card. I later found it in my coat pocket, BUT STILL. A few hours later, I was sitting on the couch while Gracie had quiet time in her crib. The house was mostly quiet, and all of a sudden I heard a gurgling sound and then gushing water. The very last thing you want to hear while sitting on the couch is GUSHING WATER. The level of panic I felt was almost equivalent to the laundry room flood. I ran around the house but couldn't find any kind of leak. I called James in absolute hysterics until I suddenly realized what happened.

I don't know any technical terms, but the plunger you pull up to turn the shower head on? You know how it goes back down when you turn the shower off, and the remaining water comes out the faucet? Well, everything in our house is old, and sometimes it's delayed. A few minutes later the plunger will go down and the water will come out. I usually do it manually after my shower if it doesn't do it automatically, but I must have forgotten that day, and the water gushed out an hour later. With all the plumbing issues we've had in the past few months, I'm extremely gun shy. The word "pipe" gives me hives. Thank God it was a false alarm, but it took me a full hour to stop shaking.

Since it had been one of Those Weeks and it's been ages since I've baked, I decided to try my hand at some yeast rolls. I found a recipe that was start to finish in one hour, and all 19 comments RAVED about how easy and delicious it was, many people saying they have zero yeast experience and the recipe was fool-proof.

Well. I'm here to say that I broke the mold. Either my yeast was dead and/or it didn't dissolve well, as my baking friends have helped me troubleshoot, or I'm a bigger fool than most. It was like the great pizza pocket debacle of 2013. They were flat and dense, but they did still taste delicious with my homemade broccoli cheese soup. At least the soup turned out the way it was supposed to. I will however use this as justification to skip all my housework and watch more of The Great British Baking Show instead.

As we were getting ready to go to bed that night, I walked into the kitchen and heard FOR THE SECOND TIME IN THE SAME DAY, a sound of hissing, gushing liquid. I was so annoyed I didn't even feel that panicked though I once again could not find the source of the problem. While thinking it over, I opened the freezer to get some ice for my water cup, and I found an exploded can of Mt. Dew. James is in a Mt. Dew phase (gag), and he shoved some cans in the freezer to quickly cool them off and forgot to take them out. It was fizzing and gushing liquid everywhere to the point that I just left it in the sink overnight until it calmed down.

On Tuesday morning, I got a phone call from my friend's grandma, inviting me to her Bible Study. Adorable, right? Come to find out, the Bible Study she invited me to is the same one my mom was a leader in for years. I went with her a few times 10 years ago, and I really enjoyed it. They were having a welcome class for potential new members on Thursday, and she told me she'd meet me there and sit with me so I won't feel alone. I can't tell you how much I appreciated that. Plus, they have an amazing childcare program that teaches toddlers the same lesson, just obviously geared toward their age group.

Apparently this is the week of reliving my life from 2008, because I agreed to go.

I was so anxious about it that I woke up on my own at 6am. I wanted to throw up walking in the door. An old friend of my mom's instantly recognized me and ran up to give me a hug. It did me a world of good. I took Gracie to the 2s and 3s class, and she was scared and very hesitant, but she didn't cry. I managed to sneak out while she was distracted, and for some reason the guilt about leaving her was eating me alive. I had to will the teardrops in my eyes not to fall down my face. She did well in the gym, but she had a friend with her. Now that I'm writing this, I realized that I've never left her with people she didn't know and in a new place before. I knew she was safe, but my irrational mom mode kicked in and I was devastated at the thought that she would think I abandoned her, even though I told her over and over that mommy always comes back.

My mom's friend checked on her after an hour or so and said Gracie was doing so well and hadn't fussed at all. I instantly relaxed. I had wanted to check on her so badly, but I knew if she saw me it would be all over. The whole morning turned out to be much more emotional than I planned. I felt a lot of grief over the fact that my mom was no longer there, introvert exhaustion and stress from trying to talk and be friendly when I was so tired from not sleeping well and meeting people that I was on total overload, and mom anxiety from worrying about Gracie.

With about 20 minutes left, I was pulled out by a childcare worker because Gracie got scared during quiet time and started screaming. By the time I got there, she was whimpering and shaking so violently I could tell it had been a 5 alarm situation. It broke my heart to pieces. I scooped her up and held her while she vacillated between wailing and whimpering. The woman who had been holding her sat with me and encouraged me that it will get better and to keep trying. Something about how scared Gracie had been, and the memories of my mom putting me in childcare at Bible Studies when I was her age, and how I had often cried too came flooding back. I sat with her on the floor of the church hallway and cried with her. I just couldn't help it.

We went out to lunch with some friends which more than perked her up, but once we got home and I put her in her room for quiet time, I sat down and cried out the rest of the emotions from the morning, until I was disrupted by her crying because she unsnapped her pajamas she insisted on wearing and it was a crisis. I fixed them and went back to my crying, and then she started crying and calling for me over and over. Then the two of us cried together the rest of the afternoon. I don't think either of us really knew why.

I googled why full moons make the world go mad. The entire internet basically gave a giant shrug. I read everything from human connections to the tides which are connected to the pull of the moon, all the way to parasites in our bodies only breeding during the full moon. No one knows why, but everyone tends to agree that it happens. The only fact I came across was that the word lunar comes from lunacy/lunatic. Or maybe it's the other way around. My child has talked and cried my ear off all day so I've basically just handed my brain over to her at this point because it's not working.

All that to say: lunacy is the perfect to describe this entire week. And hopefully in 2028 I won't relive this week in 2018 the way I'm currently reliving 2008.

11 comments:

  1. MICHELLE THIS WAS MY LIFE THIS WEEK! oh my word, now I know why! Darn that super blood red blue moon! Seriously, I thought both me and Ben were going to lose our minds this week. We've done the crying together thing this week too many times to count. Hey, at least now I know why. You have my sympathy on the tantrums and my prayers. This week had me in the depths of despair and I've talked everyone's ears off about the trials of toddler tantrums and have asked for prayer from like everyone I know ha. I've been the same way with Ben. He cries all through service in nursery/Sunday school so it's ended up that we maybe take him once a month and the rest of the time Josh stays home with him so I can go. I've never left him with people he doesn't know either, I have a hard enough time with church. It's so hard and heartbreaking. Anyway, here's hoping the next week makes up for this one. Sheesh!

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    1. NOOOOOOO. I'm so sorry you experienced a similar week! Literally as I read this comment, Gracie had been asleep for hours and then woke up screaming. So many eye rolls. What happened to our children last week?! I almost didn't survive it.

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  2. If they have a spot for her, stick with BSF!! It is such a wonderful program and they work so hard to help moms and little ones be comfortable. If they're turning off the lights for quiet time maybe someone can sit in the doorway with her or something. We moved this summer and our new class didn't have room for my pre-K kiddo and I was so disappointed for him to not participate again. Try again!! (And Romans is a great study.) :-)

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    1. Thank you for the encouragement! We are going to try again. I’m praying she’ll do better. They were so sweet, holding her and trying to soothe her, but I think the quiet time meant she wasn’t distracted and realized she didn’t know where I was or when I would be back. So sad!

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  3. It sounds like our grocery store has been talking to your grocery store because WITHOUT FAIL they are ALWAYS out of at least three things on my list, sometimes for weeks at a time. They blame “the warehouse” and “freight delays” but we all know that’s just code for “someone here majorly sucks at inventory.”

    Sometimes I want to cry over unsnapped pajamas, too.

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  4. I am with you on the moon thing! I live right by the sea and if that thing can pull an entire tide it is definitely in its scope to mess with my sleep! :) Europafox x

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  5. Ah, I'm sorry to hear the Bible study didn't go well! The Bible study we just started was one I went to 18 years ago with my mom, so I felt like I could have written all those paragraphs. The de ja vu, I tell you. Except my kids really liked it. 😬 Poor Gracie!

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  6. Your week sounds exhausting :( I'm so sorry you & Gracie went through such emotional trauma. Poor girl. And poor mama! Totally off topic, but now I feel like I need your homemade broccoli soup recipe :)

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  7. oh my gosh the "if you give a toddler a bagel" phase...we are deep in it. it's so irritating. i'm so sorry you guys had such a sad bible study experience, it's so tough when you are the only one they want, it just tears you in two.

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    1. Ugh I’m so sorry! Doesn’t it just suck up your will to live some days?

      Isn’t it heartbreaking? We’re going to try again and I’m praying for better results, but I don’t know.

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