5.01.2018

if only we could go back to the days where I had nothing to write about

Yesterday I wrote half a blog post about how I don't have much to say lately, but I did talk about my mom's visit and the sheep I found down the road. I couldn't even find the words to finish it, so I didn't.

If only I knew then what I know now.

My tantalizing yarn store adventures stories will have to wait for another day, because today I have more stories than I know what to do with.

Let me just say that I started this week on the wrong foot. Insomnia plus staying up late plus someone crying over a lost slipper at 4:30 am and I am one very tired mother. I looked at my planner over the weekend and almost ripped my hair out when I saw what was coming up: Gracie's 3 year well check, 2 Bible studies, a dinner party, a baby shower, and James leaving on his 3rd business trip in 3 weeks. That would be why I'm sipping coffee out of my "Please go away, I'm introverting" mug that a friend who understands me very well sent me.

I took Gracie to her three year well check. She's been doing better with the doctor and people in general lately, so I wasn't too worried. As soon as we walked her to the scale, she developed a sudden onset trauma and would not go near it and screamed as loud as she could. She did the same when the nurse tried to measure her. All the nurses in the hallway had to hide while I calmed her down and did it all myself. My semester of nursing school finally paid off! She continued to be dramatic to the point that the doctor said we'll forgo the vision test until she's 4. At one point, the nurse mumbled "usually this kind of behavior stops at 2." What can I say? We like to keep them on their toes. I walked out of there drenched in nervous, awkward sweat. It had been a total disaster and no one could calm her down or get her to cooperate, me included. I was mortified.

As we walked through the parking lot to the car, Gracie chirped up and said "Well, that was easy!"

I CANNOT THINK OF ONE PERSON THAT WAS EASY FOR.

I buckled her in the car and took a moment to collect myself. Apparently I should've taken another moment, because a few miles down the road, I got pulled over. Oh yes. I pulled into a parking lot and tried to fend off the ensuing panic attack. Apparently I had been going 45 in a 35. I swear to you I never saw the speed go down to 35, but as we've already learned, I was distracted. I handed him my license, opened the glovebox to find my registration and insurance, and a flurry of 5 years worth of both came flying out, covering the floorboard like New Years confetti in Times Square. I panicked. I sifted through piles of insurance and registration cards, every one older than the one before it. Every time I drive to Iowa, I make sure I know where both are in case something happens. I hadn't touched them since, so I knew they were in there somewhere. My mom always told me to keep every insurance and registration card, and while I never knew if this was something that actually needed to be done, I did it just in case. Backfire. I got the nervous giggles, laughing so hard I was crying from both laughter and horror. I was so over the top ridiculous that even the cop started giggling until both of us were laughing hysterically. He wasn't crying, though. That was just me. He finally said "You know what? I'll take your word for it. Clearly you have a history of your car being insured and registered." He told me he was going to run my info and that I should keep looking for it.

As soon as he walked away, I found both. Of course. Gracie tried to comfort me from the backseat and handed me her Figaro (the cat from Mickey Mouse) sticker to me that she got from the doctor's office to help me feel better. He walked back to the car. I handed him my info and he handed me a warning and a swift lecture about paying attention to the speed limit signs. He was so kind I wanted to hug him. Truly the kindest and most compassionate police officer I've ever encountered. I'm so grateful. Once he left, I said I felt much better, to which Gracie responded, "Then I want my Figaro sticker back."

The funny thing is, my mom got pulled over for going 10 over the speed limit when she was driving to visit us last week. I called her and relayed my entire experience, and she also lost her current registration and insurance in a sea of old ones. We both learned an important lesson on not needing to keep the old ones. She got off with a warning, but we talked about it a lot to the point that I asked one of my best friends, who's married to a cop, what happens if you get a warning. My mom was freaked that she was in the ~system~ even though she didn't get a ticket. I bragged about not getting pulled over in nearly 10 years. Insert "pride goes before a fall" quote here. When I drove into the garage in December, it was just weeks after she did the exact same thing with her car at her house. If it happens to her car, it happens to mine soon after.

Gracie and I ran an errand and then went to Chick Fil A for lunch. I'm not going to name names, but one of us had a meltdown, and once the storm passed, someone's very favorite stuffed kitty was missing. We never found it, which caused another meltdown. By that point I had just had it with everything, so I decided I had earned an iced coffee. I pulled my debit card out of my wallet in the drive-thru, only for it to fall out of my hands and into the black hole that is the space between the console and the driver's seat. I grabbed everything I could to swat it out, but I stopped when I could no longer see it and figured I had lost it forever in another galaxy with the missing kitty toy.

We stopped at the library because I had a book to grab and I figured Gracie would have fun playing. I had to use the bathroom when we got there, and Gracie praised me the entire time. "Wow! You're a good girl mommy!" We were just walking into the silent but full library when she bellowed "Good job peeing, mommy! You peed so well!" I just kept my head down and refused to make eye contact with anyone around.

After diffusing another meltdown because the easel didn't have any chalk, we colored, played, and each grabbed a book. We walked over to the check out station when it suddenly dawned on me that James had my library card, since he picked books up for me last week. I don't mean to brag, but at least I've been consistent today. I went to the help desk, and she asked for my license. My drivers license has gotten a lot of action today. It was of course the day I decided to check out Bachelor Nation: Inside the World of America's Favorite Guilty Pleasure. Of course this couldn't be the day the memoir on education I'm on the waitlist for came available. I have been nothing but humbled today.

I find it no coincidence that the pediatrician looked at me this morning and said "It's ok to love your child so much but also not like her. That's just being the parent of a three-year-old, and it's completely normal." I think that applies to a lot of things right now.

But mostly parenting, because as I was typing this, she somehow bought a movie on Amazon Prime. I just have to laugh.

17 comments:

  1. At least you got some great blogging material out of all this...? I guess? I’m sure you would have much rather had nothing to write about!

    Tell James that crying over his lost slipper at 4:30am is unnecessary.

    One of us needs to move closer to the other, stat. 3rd business trip in 3 weeks?!

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  2. I'm so glad you wrote about this day to preserve the memory forever. I think the funniest part was how she said "Well that was easy!" I sure hope that coffee worked as a pick me up.

    One semester nursing majors unite!

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  3. "Well that was easy!" was the part where I laughed out loud and almost woke the sleeping baby. I'm so not a professional at this.
    We've been hanging out at the pediatrician's office a lot lately and people watching and seeing what my future will be is very interesting. Because of the culture here, a very large percentage of toddlers come in with a mom, a dad, and a grandma accompanying them. I've even seen some come in with both parents, grandma, and a maid. 4 adult to one child ratio. The doctor stays in her one room and you can nearly always here babies and children screaming in the room and then coming out all red-faced and teary-eyed. But so far the worst thing Cyrus has done is spit milk ALL over the place while the nurse was weighing him. Two months is not enough time to accomplish much mischief.

    Getting pulled over is my nightmare. I was very traumatized by the one time I've been pulled over, and ticketed, because I didn't notice that at the intersection by my house where I'd been making left turns for years they had put up a "no left turns" sign literally the day before (we looked up the records of local sign installments on the internet). I was on my way to a final exam at college, and spent the rest of the drive crying because $100 is a lot of money. Angel went out later in the day to park and watch the intersection and the cop was pulling someone over every 10 minutes or less. I'm still bitter, if it's not obvious.

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  4. Oh man, what a day! I've gotten pulled over a couple of times (one of those times resulted in a very hefty ticket, which took me months to emotionally recover from) and it's just not fun at all.
    At least on the bright side, even though your beloved daughter informed the whole library about your bathroom skills, she didn't have another meltdown in the bathroom! 3 year olds are tough, man. My little guy will be 2 next month and I'm already trying to mentally prepare myself for when he's 3, because everyone I know who has a 3 year old deals with a lot. On that note, one of my friends discovered that her 3 year old bought a movie on Amazon, and she was able to talk with the company and explain and get refunded. Maybe you could try something like that? She also said there are controls you can set which require a special password to be put in before making any purchases. I think it'd be a lot of work to input a password anytime I wanted to buy something, but if my toddler gets to the point where he randomly buys stuff in Amazon, it may be worth the hassle.

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    1. I watched her hit the confirm purchase button before I could stop her, but thankfully she obviously didn't have the pin number to enter, so she never actually bought it!

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  5. I got a notification on my phone yesterday night that my friend had started an Instagram LIVE video. I went to go see what she was doing because I thought it was odd. It was just a black video. Pretty sure her 3 year old got a hold of the phone and just started recording. Lol
    I love Gracie's reaction to the dr. visit. Lol
    I haven't been pulled over either, but I think I might have a similar experience. Maybe I should clean out my glovebox as a precaution...

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  6. oh lord. and also WHAT IS WITH THEM WAKING UP AT 4:30 WORRIED ABOUT THEIR SLIPPER FALLING OFF??? i swear to you, this happens every other night for us. and the rage it incites inside of me is nothing short of epic. because i can no longer fall asleep if i get up anytime after 4:00am. so slipper wake up calls are not cool.

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    1. YOUR KIDS TOO?!?! Is it really worth crying about in the middle of the night? NO. I couldn't fall asleep either after that drama and it frustrated me so much. Whenever I have to get up in the middle of the night, I'm up for a good 2 hours at least.

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  7. This delightful post was a bright spot in my day. So I thank you 💖

    Seriously- you need to write a motherhood memoir. Your storytelling is simply out of this world.

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  8. What. A. Day!!! Gracie saying "that was easy" lilled me 😄

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  9. I love every single Gracie quote in here - ha! I can't believe the nurse made that comment though! That is so rude. She works with kids, so you'd think she knows they're all different.

    Oh yes, my Caleb has also accidentally made purchases on Amazon. We had to put his Kindle on lockdown. Now it has some setting where we have to put in a password for purchases or something.

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  10. Well you certainly got some good stories out of your week. I love Gracie's take on her visit to the pediatrician. It reminds me of my 4-year-old having a complete meltdown/panic episode over having to sit still while I pulled a tick off of him, and then once it was finally over he smiled and said, "That didn't hurt at all!" THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU BEFORE AND YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN.

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  11. haha thank you for this hilariousness AND for reminding me I want to read the Bachelor book too :) Also, I checked out Caroline and started it 2 times and took it back.

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    1. Twas my pleasure! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

      I'm so glad I'm not the only one who felt that way about Caroline!

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  12. haha thank you for this hilariousness AND for reminding me I want to read the Bachelor book too :) Also, I checked out Caroline and started it 2 times and took it back.

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  13. I am DYING laughing at all of this, but mostly at her, "WELL THAT WAS EASY!"

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