quarantine: week 2, pregnancy: month 9

Hey there all you cool cats and kittens!

If you understand that reference, we have a LOT to discuss.

This is the end of the second week of quarantine, and it's also my ninth month of pregnancy. I'm basically hanging on by a thread. Last week I was positive and mostly upbeat, and this week I've been a wreck. I blame most of it on the pregnancy part.

This week started with Gracie suddenly coming down with a horrendous cough. We hadn't been anywhere, James and I weren't sick, there was NO REASON for it. All I could think of was what we were going to do with her if I went into labor had to drop off my coughing kid somewhere during a pandemic that revolves around coughing. It turned into croup at night which hasn't happened in nearly a year. Thankfully she's mostly on the other side of it, but how does one get sick while quarantined? Tis one of the great mysteries of life.

It has been pouring rain all week. Torrential rain. Freezing cold outside. Always a great mood booster! I've stopped sleeping. I've slept pretty well this whole pregnancy which has been a pleasant surprise, but this week I just stopped. By day four, I hit a wall and I hit it at full speed. It was the same day James was on the phone all day for work and couldn't help with anything, and then he had to join some video chat going away party after work, and let's just say I curled up on the couch sobbing because I was completely past coping with anything. Being 9 months pregnant is never fun or easy, but being 9 months pregnant during a global pandemic and unable to function normally thanks to discomfort and lack of sleep and trying to keep a baby in a little longer and wrangling a kid who NEVER STOPS like the energizer bunny---Jesus take the wheel. It has been A LOT. I kicked everyone outside when I realized I hadn't had any alone time in two weeks.

Then there's the ever-stricter hospital policies. By the time I deliver, I'll be forced to do it alone on the roof of the hospital without even a doctor or blanket. My friend who has promised to take Gracie when I'm in labor was exposed to ~tHe ViRuS~ and is in a super strict quarantine. I mean...LOL. Of course. And my mom is currently battling a dental emergency. Every day is another reason to scream into a pillow, but that's where memes come in. Thank the Lord for the memes! And Tiger King! I can laugh when all I want to do is cry.

Now that that is out of my system...I don't mean to complain. We are in SUCH a fortunate position during this whole nightmare. I love being with my people all day. I'm just personally a wreck thanks to sleep-deprivation and major anxiety over labor and delivery and childcare and recovery and and and AND! Take this as tongue in cheek and just know that I'm a hysterical pregnant woman who is SO thankful for life and her family, but who also just really wants to sit in a dark room by herself with a personal chocolate cake.

Last week I was a Superstar Pinterest Homeschool Mom. It was so fun! I found free activities online and printed them off. We read books. We had fun! This week, I handed the teaching reigns over to Octonauts. If she doesn't grow up to be a marine biologist after this, then I don't even know. I've fallen asleep on the couch multiple times instead of making lunch. The one day I had a single molecule of energy, I deep cleaned Gracie's room because it was giving me fits. Another issue with being massively pregnant and NESTING but unable to do what you want to do is that no one else in my house is bothered by messes. I crawl out of my skin daily over the teeny tiny paper scraps on the floor and the crumbs on the chair and the grass and footprints on the kitchen floor and NO ONE ELSE NOTICES THESE THINGS. This isn't even important. But when you lay in bed literally fantasizing about scrubbing the floor mats in your car with a toothbrush, IT MATTERS.

Which brings me to the other day, when I laid on the couch trying to cope by watching videos of professional carpet cleaners. Specifically this one. It's just so majestic! And the soothing music! When I feel my blood pressure start to skyrocket, I think about the soapy water cleaning the rug and I take a deep breath. Carpet cleaning videos are my version of smelling salts. While I like things clean in general, I'm not usually this out of control. But during pregnancy, I become a possessed Danny Tanner and NOTHING IS EVER CLEAN ENOUGH. I literally get tingles when I think about cleaning things.

And then I do things like spill an entire mug of coffee on my couch and white rug.


Anyway, just had to take a break from writing to watch more carpet cleaning. Then I discovered a whole world of videos of people power washing things, so now I have a new rabbit trail to explore!

I also need therapy.

Speaking of cleaning and rabbit trails, Gracie took it upon herself today to dump water on our bunny when she was in her pen outside today. So that was fun to deal with.

You know what's tricky right now? Besides, well, everything? Meal planning. This is something that in general I'm pretty good at. But I can't exactly stand long enough in the kitchen right now to make a full meal, not to mention the stores are still sold out of a lot. How do you plan meals when you have no idea what ingredients are available? And you can't get super creative and bake from scratch right now? It's been tricky. We've eaten A LOT of BLTs and frozen pizza lately. Most of our meals don't make sense. It's FINE. I'm FINE. It is what it is. I've forgotten what a vegetable is but who needs those anyway? My MIL would say otherwise as she has been sending me weight loss recipes this week. I've also started getting targeted Facebook ads for "size-inclusive" workout apparel. Y'all, I'M PREGNANT, not super overweight. Once again, I laugh so I don't cry.

I want to make banana bread. I want to hike (aka walking through a flat, foresty area in the midwest), go on walks, I want to deep clean every inch of my life, I want to wear something other than maternity leggings. But my time will come, and I have to remind myself every 30 seconds. I won't always be pregnant, it won't rain forever, I'll be able to mop my floors again without paying for it by staying up all night with contractions. Gracie may not be able to go back to school this year, but her teacher is doing video lessons and having them submit art projects online. We've spent HOURS this week drawing monsters and coming up with stories for them. It's been so fun, and James and I have been in tears laughing over her creativity. I've kicked her outside every time the sun has peeked out. So it's not all bad! Things could always be worse. I could have a haircut like Joe Exotic.

We have it really good. But I'm 9 months pregnant, so I'm allowing myself to word vomit all my problems. Also because none of them are really problems. What WOULD be a problem would be running out of crushed ice. My crushed ice obsession is right up there with my cleaning obsession. If this were My Big Fat Greek Wedding, ice would be my Windex. Instead, it's My Big Fat Pregnant Quarantine, and I claw a piece of ice out of my water cup every time I'm stressed. Which is always. Gracie wants another snack? Pop a piece of ice. Heartburn? Ice. Gracie rubs kinetic sand into the couch cushion? LOTS of ice. It's a pregnant woman's alcoholic drink.

Every time I open the freezer and look at the ice machine, Trust by the Jonas Brothers starts playing.

I haven't put on real clothes in over a week. This is mostly because nothing really fits anymore and also because WHY?

For dinner the other night, I had two (smallish) burritos, cheese pierogies, carrots, a bowl of ice cream, and a bagel and cream cheese. And just like The Very Hungry Caterpillar, I WAS STILL HUNGRY.

Gracie told me tonight that daddy makes the best pizza she's ever had. Better than anything I've made. It was a frozen pizza.

Heartburn is no longer a symptom but a lifestyle.

If you're asking if I've stress-ordered cute baby clothes, the answer is no. Except yes.

I had never heard of Zoom until last week, and now I want to ban it from my life just like the phrase "social distancing."

I went outside during our 5 minutes of sunshine this week, and now I have a mosquito bite. IN MARCH. In Ohio!! My daffodils haven't even bloomed yet.

I haven't panic-bought cleaning supplies or toilet paper or paper towels. I've panic-bought Doritos. And the afternoon I ran out of them was a true dark night of the soul.

I had to log out of FB this week when a local mom group went ballistic because a group of kids were playing basketball and they weren't playing six feet apart. The police were called. I get the safety issue and all that, it's valid, but reminds me of a time our history books talked about....in the 1940s...in Germany....

There's a donut shop nearby that takes it upon themselves to drop off a dozen donuts every day to a local business. I love that they do this. I wonder if I could qualify for this as a local, desperate, starving pregnant mom? I'm not a business, but I do work hard with no salary. It's the least they could do.

It's time for me to have my daily 15 minutes of alone time, aka a shower. I'll leave you with this, which is how my family and I cope. Memes and jokes. My mom didn't participate only because she was dealing with the aforementioned dental emergency.

We will be the people laughing at our own jokes while the world around us burns.


  1. If it makes you feel any better at all ... I am struggling with most of the same things & I'm just overweight - not pregnant - so at least you get something cute of it- I just have to buy larger summer clothes :) LOL
    But really - in the end,I bet it will ALLLLL work out just fine when its time for baby to come - I mean, you deserve a break here.

  2. Solidarity. Every word. 38 weeks here. This week so much harder than last. Come on, baby.

    1. Bless it. I’m 37. May not make it to the end alive.

  3. If you don't have a carpet scrubber, I recommend getting one. On the weekends, if Scott and the dogs are out of the house, I will spend hours cleaning the floors. It's helpful if you feel helpless because you're getting something done. Also, I got a new vacuum this week and the excitement was intense.

    While everyone who wishes for a baby should get to be 9 months pregnant, I don't wish 9 month pregnancy symptoms on anyone. You just feel like it'll never end. Thankfully, *you've* done this before...a first pregnancy would be scarier during this crazy time.

    1. Oh, and I hold the very unpopular opinion that TV shouldn't be used as some weird reward for kids. I leave Daniel Tiger on all morning. He just runs around and plays. Sometimes he stops for a minute to watch. He learns so much from it! Holding TV hostage, I think, could lead to some unhealthy habits later on (like with restricting junk food). So bring on the Octonauts.

  4. The messes! Yes! Why can't everyone else in the house notice them? My husband has started being more aware to the messes that occur (and has spearheaded some "family cleanup" times lately, for which I'm grateful) but sometimes it seems like no one else can see all of the crumbs, dirts, or chocolate stains that have been on our baby gate for literally MONTHS (which I haven't gotten the energy to clean off yet). I still remember how at one week postpartum with my last baby, I walked into the kitchen and saw that the floor was disgusting! So I mopped it, which was probably a terrible idea, but I just couldn't handle it at the moment. I'm pretty good at not being a neat freak (tidy chaos is more of what I do) but then I have moments where the mess has gotten so bad that I just can't handle it!

    I continue to keep you and all the other soon-to-birth ladies in my prayers! I understand the hospital restrictions, but they just sound awful. I know that quite a few women have had to completely change their birth plans due to the pandemic, and it just sounds like an awful situation. I hope that everything works out for you!

  5. i CANNOT even imagine your life right now. 9 mos preggo? Ugh. Global pandemic? Ugh. School cancelled? Ugh. ALL AT ONCE?!I'm twitching for you. Good vibes and good luck girl. Even when you feel you 'dont' have this, it's pretty evident you do. Keep on plugging away!

  6. I think what I forgot more than the pain of giving birth is how uncomfortable it is to be 9 months pregnant. I was DONE just over it, which I know everyone is at that point. What a stressful time to be having babies and newborns! I'm so sorry for the hospital restrictions, and I hope it's still a positive experience for you and that everyone is healthy and safe :) If nothing else there will be stories to tell baby girl about what the world was like when she was born!

  7. You may be crying, but you are making all of us reading laugh, so you get extra lamb stickers on your Jesus chart. And for that, we thank you. (Also, crumbs are the devil, little girls never stop talking, and pregnancy is hard. Keep soldiering on.)


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